[Bbat93]

So me and my ex started dating July 2011. He broke with me in Dec. when he found I was pregnant. For some reason I started acting bipolar, but still I wanted to be with him, but he left for another girl. He broke up with the girl and got back with me, then we got into an argument where I he put me in jail.

I just had my baby she's 10 days old. And I've been trying to work things out but all I do is mess up and turns into an argument, where to him I'm a crazy jealous ***** and tells me that I need help. I hate myself for it. He wants nothing to do with me now, just the baby, but I really want to work things out with him. I love him.

Any advice on what I should do or say? I'm seeing him tomorrow.

[JudyKayTee]

So me and my ex started dating July 2011 he broke w me in dec when he found I was pregnant for some reason I started acting bipolar, but still I wanted to be with him, so he left for another girl, he broke up with the girl and got back w me , then we got into an argument where I he put me in jail . I just had my baby she's 10 days old. And I've been trying to work things out but all I do is mess up and turn to an argument where To him I'm a crazy jealous and tells me that I need help. I'm hating myself for it he wants nothing to do with me now just the baby but I really want to work tings out with him I love him. Any advice on what I should do or say? I'm seeing him tomorrow.

I'd calm down considerably and try to talk to him rationally. Your behavior is what MIGHT change his mind, not your words.

[Bbat93]

I'd calm down considerably and try to talk to him rationally. Your behavior is what MIGHT change his mind, not your words.

The thing is that he lives in San Jose and I live in Sacramento , there is this whole dilemma where my mom
Doesn't want me near him or my daughter , that's what gets him mad, I understand because I want to make my own decisions now I'm 19. But my mom doesn't allow it and I even feel more compromised because she has spent over 5,000 for my baby stuff and me. And I'm just in a tight spot. But neither of them understand.

[JudyKayTee]

The thing is that he lives in San Jose and I live in Sacramento , there is this whole dilemma where my mom
Doesn't want me near him or my daughter , that's what gets him mad, I understand because I want to make my own decisions now I'm 19. But my mom doesn't allow it and I even feel more compromised because she has spent over 5,000 for my baby stuff and me. And I'm just in a tight spot. But neither of them understand.

It sounds like the decisions you've made have been bad ones. No wonder your mother is worried. If you want to make your own decisions why are you allowing her to pay your bills? Go out on your own, support yourself and your baby, do anything you want as long as it's legal.

What don't they understand? It's not just your baby. It's his baby, too. If he goes to Court he WILL get visitation rights. If you appear to be unstable he very well COULD get custody.

What is the tight spot you're in and what don't he and your mother (and me, too) understand?

It appears you have some sort of history, including jail; you have a newborn baby; your mother supports you and your child. What am I missing?

[Bbat93]

It sounds like the decisions you've made have been bad ones. No wonder your mother is worried. If you want to make your own decisions why are you allowing her to pay your bills? Go out on your own, support yourself and your baby, do anything you want as long as it's legal.

What don't they understand? It's not just your baby. It's his baby, too. If he goes to Court he WILL get visitation rights. If you appear to be unstable he very well COULD get custody.

What is the tight spot you're in and what don't he and your mother (and me, too) understand?

It appears you have some sort of history, including jail; you have a newborn baby; your mother supports you and your child. What am I missing?

Ok well, my mom never liked him since the first day she met him, like literally. And well another reason why its because he left me while I was pregnant for another girl. Another reason it's because just two months ago he threw me in jail for domestic violence when it was more for self defense I was in a chokehold where I bit his arm, so he called the cops two days after and said I was beating him cops believed me and I was in jail for 7 days but it has been expunged from my record because they assigned 12hrs of anger manag.

Yes that is what I want my mother to understand that it's his baby too, but instead she wants me to wait for him to take me to court, "I want him to work for it, don't make it easy for him, because he didn't make things easy for you", my mothers words. But to be honest I just wish he could just see the baby without any type of court issues, because I trust him , my mother thinks that if he spends time w the baby and his family that , that would allow him a lot to take my baby from me. But he told me he would never hurt me or my daughter like that plus he's unstable.

Now what they both don't understand is that my mother she needs to stop asking me not to talk to him I mean he's the father of my child, and he needs to understand that I love my mother and since I'm letting her support me and my daughter right now of I start talking to him again she will kick me out. That's the tight spot I am. They're making me choose sides and I don't like that. Why can't everything just be normal.

I wish I could move out and start my own life, but I can't until November because I'm in recovery for my pregnancy.

Like I want him back...

[JudyKayTee]

Ok well, my mom never liked him since the first day she met him, like literally. And well another reason why its because he left me while I was pregnant for another girl. Another reason it's because just two months ago he threw me in jail for domestic violence when it was more for self defense I was in a chokehold where I bit his arm, so he called the cops two days after and said I was beating him cops believed me and I was in jail for 7 days but it has been expunged from my record because they assigned 12hrs of anger manag.

Yes that is what I want my mother to understand that it's his baby too, but instead she wants me to wait for him to take me to court, "I want him to work for it, don't make it easy for him, because he didn't make things easy for you", my mothers words. But to be honest I just wish he could just see the baby without any type of court issues, because I trust him , my mother thinks that if he spends time w the baby and his family that , that would allow him a lot to take my baby from me. But he told me he would never hurt me or my daughter like that plus he's unstable.

Now what they both don't understand is that my mother she needs to stop asking me not to talk to him I mean he's the father of my child, and he needs to understand that I love my mother and since I'm letting her support me and my daughter right now of I start talking to him again she will kick me out. That's the tight spot I am. They're making me choose sides and I don't like that. Why can't everything just be normal.

I wish I could move out and start my own life, but I can't until November because I'm in recovery for my pregnancy.

Like I want him back...

I don't know where to start - he assaulted you, but you ended up in jail two days later for assaulting him, so they put a pregnant woman in jail. When you got out you were ordered to undergo anger management. Why?

On one hand you want him to see his baby; on the other hand, he's unstable. I think you should less about wanting him back (if everything you say is true, I have no idea why you want him back) and more about what is best for your child.

When do you plan to go to Court for support?

Everything can't be normal because you had a relationship with a man you yourself admit is unstable, had a child with him and can't support yourself.

I don't think you have a choice. Unless/until you can support yourself and your child you are under your mother's control.

[Bbat93]

It sounds like the decisions you've made have been bad ones. No wonder your mother is worried. If you want to make your own decisions why are you allowing her to pay your bills? Go out on your own, support yourself and your baby, do anything you want as long as it's legal.

What don't they understand? It's not just your baby. It's his baby, too. If he goes to Court he WILL get visitation rights. If you appear to be unstable he very well COULD get custody.

What is the tight spot you're in and what don't he and your mother (and me, too) understand?

It appears you have some sort of history, including jail; you have a newborn baby; your mother supports you and your child. What am I missing?

And he was willing to work things out with me 2 week before the baby was born but then when I was in labor my mother did not let me call him to be there, and he really wanted to be there... 4 days later after she was born I told him she was born already. He was really angry at me , sad, and disappointed. And since that day until today he's been ignoring me acting douche and only wants me to call him about the baby. But I keep trying because I love him and my daughter and want us to be happy as a family no matter what any body says.

He's not all that unstable , he has a job and a place to stay he offered me to go to San Jose with him but it would take time and I agreed. But everything turned a 2 weeks agbecause I didn't call him.

Yes we got into an argument where I took his cellphone and all of a sudden I'm in a chokehold and I'm biting his arm. He waited two days after on the day I got fired after picking up my check we went to his mom and then after we left in the middle of the road asked me to get off, and I didn't so actually his sister called the cops they showed up told my story he told his and well the cop came up to me and said "getting in a fight for a cellphone it's immature, he has a bite mark, and I don't care if you're pregnant youre going to jail". So my attorney told me to plead no contest and the judge gave me 12hrs of completed anger manag. And I showed up to court and showed my proof so now it has been expunged off my record.

And well Iam totally focus on her, and as her mother I want to make things right with her father and become a famil for her, we have done it before.

[JudyKayTee]

He's not all that unstable , he has a job and a place to stay he offered me to go to San Jose with him but it would take time and I agreed. But everything turned a 2 weeks agbecause I didn't call him.

Yes we got into an argument where I took his cellphone and all of a sudden I'm in a chokehold and I'm biting his arm. He waited two days after on the day I got fired after picking up my check we went to his mom and then after we left in the middle of the road asked me to get off, and I didn't so actually his sister called the cops they showed up told my story he told his and well the cop came up to me and said "getting in a fight for a cellphone it's immature, he has a bite mark, and I don't care if you're pregnant youre going to jail". So my attorney told me to plead no contest and the judge gave me 12hrs of completed anger manag. And i showed up to court and showed my proof so now it has been expunged off my record.

And well Iam totally focus on her, and as her mother I want to make things right with her father and become a famil for her, we have done it before.

I would guess you want other people's opinions because you've posted here.

You don't sound like you're good for each other. You were pregnant and he had you in a chokehold over a cell phone? His family called the Police on you?

Sometimes a child is in a better position with one stable parent than one stable and one volatile parent.

What happens when he turns on you and you're holding the baby?

[Bbat93]

I would guess you want other people's opinions because you've posted here.

You don't sound like you're good for each other. You were pregnant and he had you in a chokehold over a cell phone? His family called the Police on you?

Sometimes a child is in a better position with one stable parent than one stable and one volatile parent.

What happens when he turns on you and you're holding the baby?

Yeah I know, I just talked to him and he said he can't see the baby today when he was begging me yesterday and threatening me that he was going to get a court order. I told him I was fed up , that I'm done with him that it's just all about my daughter and I . He hasn't said anything back, like I'm done.

And yes maybe I was looking for opinions answers I don't know. I'm just done. I think hurt to the point where I just don't care about him anymore or what he thinks. Thank you though.

[JudyKayTee]

Yeah I know, I just talked to him and he said he can't see the baby today when he was begging me yesterday and threatening me that he was going to get a court order. I told him I was fed up , that I'm done with him that it's just all about my daughter and I . He hasn't said anything back, like im done.

And yes maybe I was looking for opinions answers I don't know. I'm just done. I think hurt to the point where I just don't care about him anymore or what he thinks. Thank you though.

No, I think you're a mother protecting her child.

Right now the two of you sound like a bad combination - I'm not saying forever. You never know where life will lead you; you just never know.

[Bbat93]

No, I think you're a mother protecting her child.

Right now the two of you sound like a bad combination - I'm not saying forever. You never know where life will lead you; you just never know.

Yeah I know you're right I'm just going to let things be but not to be, maybe until he gets a wake up call or something. And as for me after everything he has done to sink me in , I maybe should have some dignity.
I just wish he just would hear me out and the most important understand . But he's to hard headed. I haven't been as perfect either. But you're I'm just a mother protecting her child and I shall continue.

[JudyKayTee]

Yeah I know you're right I'm just going to let things be but not to be, maybe until he gets a wake up call or something. And as for me after everything he has done to sink me in , I maybe should have some dignity.
I just wish he just would hear me out and the most important understand . But he's to hard headed. I haven't been as perfect either. But you're I'm just a mother protecting her child and I shall continue.

And I think you're a whole lot smarter and stronger than you think you are.

[Fr_Chuck]

You are not going to like what I post, but here goes.

Yes he is the babies daddy, but not your boyfriend, he is YOUR ex.

If he wants to see the baby and be a baby daddy, he can file in court for visitation and pick the child up for visits. Those visits do not include seeing you, you don't see him for him to be a daddy to the baby. And you don't use the baby to try to get him back.

You file for custody of the child and child support, if he is to be the babbies daddy, he is suppose to be paying child support.

You stop seeing him, you stop talking to him, he can see the child when his court ordered times are, but it can be done though a third person so you don't have to see him.

[Bbat93]

You are not going to like what I post, but here goes.

Yes he is the babies daddy, but not your boyfriend, he is YOUR ex.

If he wants to see the baby and be a baby daddy, he can file in court for visitation and pick the child up for visits. Those visits do not include seeing you, you don't see him for him to be a daddy to the baby. And you don't use the baby to try to get him back.

You file for custody of the child and child support, if he is to be the babbies daddy, he is suppose to be paying child support.

you stop seeing him, you stop talking to him, he can see the child when his court ordered times are, but it can be done though a third person so you don't have to see him.

I understand that, and I totally agree, and to be honest that's the whole thing that my mom wants him to do but my mom here doesn't make decisions between me and him, it's a lot complicating than that. He wants to see the baby. And FYI I'm not using my baby to get him back, OK. If I were to be using the baby I would bring it up and try to persuade him with it but that's not the thing , he wants to be with me and I want to be with him but my mother doesn't let me because she thinks he's bad for me but I think I'm old enough to make my own decisions.

Since I got pregnant by him my mom has intervened in our relationship until then and still is. I mentioned her that I could make my own decisions and talk to him if I Want to. "Becky I'm not controlling you I just don't want you talking to him, if I were trying to control you I would take the baby away, which I can but I'm not"... That's what my mother said... Where do we as parents stand?

[talaniman]

You stand as young people needing guidance and we are all parents here, and we all would be doing what your mom is doing for the sake and safety of a young mother and her child with an emotionally immature baby daddy.

Please listen.