[backpack2389]

I understand that what you're upset about is the lying, especially when it is unprovoked and unnecessary. I'm wondering about the conditions under which he lied the first time. It seems very odd that out of the blue one day he would say "I don't watch porn anymore." Had you recently had a conversation about porn use or would there be any reason you can think of that he would bring it up? Maybe a friend of his was having relationship troubles because of porn or maybe you said something in a conversation with someone else regarding porn that he heard? There must be some reason he said it to begin with.

[Sam66]

Wow, I'm glad talaniman and Backpack are at least heeding what you're saying; those first two pages were so frustrating with people defending porn and blaming you for setting up the lie!

If I were you, I'd bring it up casually, be as non confrontational as possible. I say this because I've confronted boyfriends about things before and when they can't deal with being accused, they make a big song and dance out of the situation, they turn it in to an argument, turn the focus on you, make up some extra nonsense, etc, instead of just being straight about it. I'm not saying all men or people are like this, but your boyfriend chose to lie about something so small in the first place, so he might try and lie his way out of it if he's uncomfortable.

It might not even be some big deal to him; you see people have very conflicting ideas about porn. Personally, I'm female and I watch porn when I need to. I'm in the early stages of a relationship with a friend who knew this about me before we got together. I have never asked him however if he watches porn. I don't think it'd be a big issue if he did, because it's about seeing body parts going in to other body parts and thinking about you doing it, rather than the actual people in the videos, who are so ugly they put me off a lot of the time. Unless he's sitting around watching them eating popcorn, engrossed by the profound story lines, then he's probably just doing it to reach an end, if you know what I mean.

Thing is, I know women who are EXTREMELY against porn. A friend of mine cried when she found porn DVDs in her boyfriend's things and swapped all of the disks with really bad 90s dance music. It made me laugh, but considering what an absolute skank this girl was before she met him, I was surprised. My mum who is in her 50s, understandably as a woman from a different generation, found it upsetting when her ex left porn on his computer. I myself, in my innocent fresh faced days thought porn was cheating.

So back to your boyfriend. Maybe he is under the impression that porn is a no-go area with girlfriends, not realising that some normal women are fine with it. It's not nice, and probably feels dirty and creepy that he could lie so easily when saying something so personal.
Maybe there is some truth in what he said though, in the way I have just told you that when I watch porn, I am not really looking at the people, I'm looking at sex.

Have you ever lied to him? I've definitely told some little porkers and not felt bad about it at all. I think we all do whether it's tiny things like that to avoid possibly hurting someone, or to the big ones crazy people tell.

So yeah, I think you should definitely bring it up. How could you just let it go? It'll bug you and you won't trust him. This is just something that needs to be talked out SENSITIVELY, and it may bring you closer together once he sees you can deal with it. This is all I know about the guy so I can't say you shouldn't trust him in general. Just deal with this and go from there.

[beckylynn21]

Thank you for your responses. I did talk to him about I could not hold it in anymore because he was able to sense something was bothering me. I told him about the computer and phone and how I Don't CARE about the porn and we had an amazing conversation and honestly I think it brought us closer together. He explained that he did not mean to lie he is more than sexually satified with me and that sometimes I am not there. He also explained basically what you said that porn is just that an action and when he watches it he is thinking of me. But he does not watch it frequently anymore because he has no need. I explained to him that I just want to know that he is honest with me about anything weither it it is going to hurt me, make me upaet ,etc its better to have the communication and be honest because if I find out he lies to me then I lose trust and there is depper issues. I also explained to him that if he chooses to watch it that is fine its not cheating as long as his "" is only for me. We also talked about watching together I told him its just a video or pics nothing more it something that could be fun and exciting for both of us. I think our 3 hr talk really did good for both of us and I think noww he knows where I stand with the issue and all I really want is the truth ALWAYS!

[beckylynn21]

Hahaha

[talaniman]

You can't beat honest communications.