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NASHI17 · Aug 14, 2012, 07:39 AM

Well, here’s the story

I’ve been suffering from anorexia for over 4 years now, and went in and out of hospitals more times than I can count. Anyway, I have a boyfriend who I love more than anything, we are together almost a year.

In the beginning of our relationship I tried to hide my eating disorder from him because I didn’t want him to think that I’m stupid or complicated cause most of the people simply don’t understand this illness.

After a while I realized I had to tell him because I noticed that the relationship is getting really serious and I was falling for him fast. I decided to tell him, and I did. But since he doesn’t have any idea of what an eating disorder is and how bad and serious it can get and how it practically controls you, he kind of took it lightly and didn’t really understand that it controls my whole life in every possible way. Anyway, after seeing his reaction, I decided to never mention it again and just hide it.

And then came the lies. I lied to him about small things such as a job I told him I have and never did, and he found out about it. How am I supposed to explain that my anorexia took over my whole life and I practically don’t do ANYTHING because I’m too sick to do something? I just didn’t want him to think that I’m useless or lazy or that I sit on my fat *** all day without doing anything.

He started to feel that I’m lying to him about a lot of things, which is true but only because he didn’t understand what was wrong with me when I told him about my ED and never will!

I just wanted to pretend to be normal. Didn’t want him to feel he has a crazy weird girlfriend.

PLEASE HELP!!

C0bra_M3nace · Aug 14, 2012, 07:47 AM

Why on earth wouldn't you tell him? You're falsifying who you are to make him "happy", when you're just falsifying the whole relationship.

You need to fess up, tell him everything and hope that he isn't in love with the person you're pretending to be. If he loves you he would have stayed, no matter how weird or crazy you are. Period.

Wondergirl · Aug 14, 2012, 08:21 AM

Are you seeing a therapist on a regular basis (I hope!)? Have the therapist invite your boyfriend to some of the sessions so you can talk with him with the therapist's guidance and overseeing.

talaniman · Aug 14, 2012, 09:14 PM

So its better to lie than explain to him what you are going through? I don'tthink so. Tell him the whole story, and how it affects you. ASAP! He may understand, he may NOT, but at least you won't have to lie any more.

Good Luck!

Fr_Chuck · Aug 14, 2012, 09:19 PM

The truth is the only answer, and you know it. I do agree , I assume you are in counseling, ( if not you need to be) and perhaps boyfriend should be in on part of it, ( up to counselor)

backpack2389 · Aug 15, 2012, 08:48 AM

You said that he doesn't know much about eating disorders and because of this lack of knowledge, doesn't understand your problems. It points to reason that you just need to educate him.
Also, I strongly encourage you to seek counseling. Four years of struggling with anorexia has no doubt taken a tremendous toll on your physical health. If you want to be around to have a relationship with this man, you need to obtain treatment for your anorexia, not just explain it to him.