Check out some similar questions!

sicktomytummy · Aug 3, 2011, 06:01 AM

In April 2011, I lied to my boyfriend of almost a year. I am ashamed to have even lied to him. I still think about it and it's getting worse, I feel ill. I want to throw up almost everyday because, what I did is wrong, and I know it. He is the sweetest guy ever! I love him very much and I don't know how I came across to lie to him.. here's my story.. :/

-In 2008-2009, I talked to my step brother almost everyday. Even though my father had broken up with his mother a few years before that. After a while, My step brother and I started to use web cam, since I had just got one. We used this to communicate because, he moved away. After talking to him for a bit on web cam he kept asking me to show him my boobs... I said what? I was shocked that he would even say something like that to me, so I blocked him and deleted him. After a bit, I started to wonder, why did he ask me that, so I felt the need to ask him why.. I re-added him. After, 20 times or more of asking I got fed up. I did it. I was ashamed.

I felt sick to my stomach, and worst of all, I was so scared to say anything to my parents or friends. After a few years he still asked me to but I would say no, knew how it made me feel that once, and I was not about to do it again. About 2 years later, I met this wonderful guy in my hometown, he made me so happy and we fell in love so quickly.

Almost a year later, he finds out what happened, when I was sitting right beside him, he has always asked me throughout the relationship if anything ever happened, but I would always lie, and say no :/ , even when he had my step brother talking to him right in front of me on the laptop. I was scared, I panicked and didn't know what to do! :'(I was ashamed, so scared! :')

It's been awhile now since this has happened, but my boyfriend always brings it up, and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. He stayed with me, but does not trust me. He says he loves me, and does not want to lose me, I don't want to lose him either. HELP! :'(

Edited/T

redhed35 · Aug 3, 2011, 06:32 AM

Something's in our past make us feel so ashamed that we hope no one ever finds out, because it makes us feel so ashamed, but what's done is done, and you have never repeated it.

Letting your boyfriend know that the reason you denied it was because you felt so ashamed about it is a start, if he continues to beat you over the head about, he's not the hot shot you think he is, if he does not understand, if he does not trust you because you did something really silly before you met him, then move on.

You don't say what age you are now or when this happened but your step brother played a part in this too, what he asked was inappropriate to the max!

Once its talked about that should be the end of it, if he brings it up just one more time, dump his a$$, you have carried this for long enough, time to forgive yourself and move on.

If you can say what age you were at the time and the age of your step brother it will change the answers you receive.

I don't condone lying in a relationship, but I have to say I do understand why you did, and if I, a complete stranger to you can see why, your boyfriend who claims to love you SHOULD see why too.

sicktomytummy · Aug 3, 2011, 07:54 AM

Thank you so so so so much for replying! :'( I'm losing it.. I feel sick everyday just thinking about it and I am scared to even hear his name! :/ I didn't know where to go to talk about it and now that I did, I feel abit better. I do not talk to my step brother anymore since this happened. Because I want to keep my relationship. I am currently 17 going on 18. We talk about it enough, and I know I hurt him, I should have just told him the truth when it was in front of his eyes. But I'm human, I was scared :/

redhed35 · Aug 3, 2011, 08:18 AM

So tell him that.

So you were about 14/15 when this happened, you were a kid, your still a kid, but on your way to being an adult, you don't say how old your step brother was at the time, but how in ever, what's done is done.

Put this behind you, if it's the worst thing you ever do, you'll be fine.

You and your boyfriend are still learning about relationships and how they work, understanding is a big part of that, he needs to understand you were a lot younger then, you were scared and ashamed to say anyone, let alone him.

You don't have to keep torturing yourself, let it go, you learned your lesson.

Talk to you boyfriend, tell him what you said here, if he keeps bringing it up, he's not ready to handle a relationship and let him go.

On a side note, talking about this to another adult you trust will also help, your mother,father, aunt, grandparent, teacher, pastor... someone you trust, you have carried this fear of someone finding out for a while.

Your step brother if he is older then you knew exactly what he was doing, don't ever let him hold it over you, or blackmail you, you can always come here for advice.

JudyKayTee · Aug 3, 2011, 08:35 AM

I absolutely agree with Redhed. I would stop ALL contact with the stepbrother (why are you still in contact with him?). I would also wonder if you are the only one he's coerced into this behavior. Is there anyone you can discuss this with?

And everyone makes mistakes - your boyfriend should realize that.

sicktomytummy · Aug 3, 2011, 08:36 AM

That is another reason I am scared, I don't want anyone else to know about this. And I'm scared like if he took pictures or something you know? And what if he talks to my boyfriend? What if he lies to him and says differently.. :'( I told him it was in the past but he is unsure of wheter to believe me or not. And it bothers him a lot. And also bothers me a lot too. I just wish my boyfriend could let go of it, and then id be all right. But I know, that's not how it works, right? :/ I have talked to his mother and told her the situation. She said I made a mistake but its in the past. I cannot change it. So, why does he take it so far? that I will never know :'(

sicktomytummy · Aug 3, 2011, 08:40 AM

After that, I was not contacting him anymore. I was scared to even hear his name. :'( I also wonder if I am the ONLY one, :(. I know everyone makes mistakes, but I wish I could go back in time to change this all and I wish I would have just told my boyfriend. I was just so ashamed and scared to say anything. I would tell my father if he was here, but he is in jail at the moment.. :'(

JudyKayTee · Aug 3, 2011, 08:41 AM

You're in a relationship. Sit your boyfriend down and TALK to him! Tell him him the entire truth. You talked to his mother but you can't talk to him?

That way no matter WHAT your stepbrother does your boyfriend - and any other boyfriend because this subject is bound to continue to be a problem - knows about it.

I'd be worried that he took pictures, that he was sharing them, that you will someday find about it. Worrying isn't going to change that. I'd face it head on.

If your boyfriend cannot accept the past I'd rather know now than put more time into the relationship and have it explode.

Your boyfriend has two choices, really - believe you or not believe you. That includes lies your stepbrother may tell.

If he doesn't believe you, find a man who does.

If it comes right down to it, I'd tell your father - let him deal with the pressure your stepbrother put on you. Let him handle it. Sure, he'll be disappointed but he'll get over it.

I have a relative who very stupidly sent her boyfriend "underwear and less" photos of herself - and then found them on Facebook. It's a warning to EVERYONE to be careful.

sicktomytummy · Aug 3, 2011, 09:03 AM

I have tried to talk to him several times. He still brings the subject up and I have told him the entire truth. He still does not believe me. :( my boyfriend says he loves me and all and cares for me, and I'm trying my best to regain his trust.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 3, 2011, 09:06 AM

I would say you need to tell your parents, clear the air, get it all out in the open.

sicktomytummy · Aug 3, 2011, 09:07 AM

I thought about it, but my father is in jail, and I am not all that close with my mom

JudyKayTee · Aug 3, 2011, 09:27 AM

I would talk to your mother - are you going to allow your stepbrother to hold this over your head for the rest of your life.

End his control now. He took advantage of you once. Don't let it happen again - stop him in his tracks.

talaniman · Aug 3, 2011, 12:02 PM

You made a mistake as a teen ager, and have paid enough. Don't let your boyfriend guilt you into paying all over again. Love just isn't worth that kind of humiliation. Don't give him that kind of power, forgive yourself, and shed that guilt and shame, and tell him to get over himself, or get GONE!