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nad_1992 · Aug 1, 2012, 04:44 PM

Hi,

My question isn't regarding just one issue, but it encompasses several. When my boyfriend and I first got together during our A-Levels, he was so committed to this relationship, in the sense that we both wanted to spend all our time together. We sacrificed spending time with friends (our families had prevented us from being together) and I think that's where the excitement was for him, rebelling against the norm in our community.

I had moved into my own flat just over two months ago now, and I hate the fact we fight so much. Whilst fighting on several occasions he has screamed at me that he needs his own space, and that's something I clearly am not giving to him. He wants more "guy time" and thinks it's best we spend some time apart, just so he can have his space.

What I don't understand is why does he want "guy time" now, as well as his own space, but when we first had got together he hated spending time with anybody else if it meant less time with me? Only now does he fight with me about wanting space.

Also recently I suggested to him that I should go away for a week (somewhere out of the UK) so he can have this "space" he has desired so much, as well as time with his friends, but this only leads to further arguments. I don't know what he wants from me, and I feel emotionally drained.

Any advice is much appreciated.

Thank you

makpaker23 · Aug 1, 2012, 04:55 PM

I know that feeling it is called the end of the "honey-moon stage" In a new relationship you can't stand being away from that new person. Every waking moment almost stomach churning, vomit making grossness! LOL well at least everyone around gets tired of it. But eventually the newness wears off. The couple goes back to being indivduals in a relationship instead of honey mooner trying to inhabit the same body. He might need space, let him have it. Hating to be brutally honest here but it could go one of 2 ways things get better or things get worse. Things get better by less fighting and the time you do spend together a better quality time. Things get worse well lets just say many things could make it worse. And since you bring up him having a guys night and it makes him mad. Set up a girls night and tell him that you are going out with the girls on whatever night you chose and he can feel free to sit at home or do whatever he wants. It sucks I know. I wasn't ready for the honey moon to be over before He got over it but we worked it out and after 3 dyears got married and have been married for a year. So there is a good chance it will get better

nad_1992 · Aug 2, 2012, 12:55 AM

But why do I feel I'm still in this "honey-moon stage" whilst all he wants is time apart with his friends. I understand he needs his space, but sometimes all it feels like is that's all he wants from me. Every time we're together I hate the fact we're fighting about the same issues: he wants time with other people. I'm disappointed he no longer wants to spend all his time with me, and it hurts that he wants his space, its something I just could'nt get my head around at first. But I want this to work out so much, and as you've said things can get a lot worse. I think you're right, I will give him his space, in the hope that when we do spend time together, it will be spent with less arguments.
I just feel like I'm not ready for this, to have him spend time with other people, and I know it must sound selfish, but I do want to spend all my time with him, it still hurts to know it's not mutual.
Thank you so much for your advice and understanding, and for also placing some perspective on his behaviour. It has been very greatly appreciated.