[here2assist]

My question to the group is whether anyone has grown to develop an attraction toward someone they weren't initially attracted to? I've been seeing this guy now for about a month and he's everything I want in a boyfriend. He has all the qualities I value and seek out in a partner. He's sweet, giving, generous, understanding, respectful, interesting, caring, successful, stable, consistent, reliable. We have a wonderful time when we go out and the conversation is very open and honest. He has expressed his interest in wanting to be exclusive and have a serious relationship however I don't feel very physically attracted to him. I want to but don't know if I can force that to happen. What is frustrating is that I find myself drawn to and sexually attracted to jerks. I want to break that pattern and be with someone that will treat me the way I deserve to be treated. The last guy I fell in love with and dated seriously treated me terribly but my dumb a$$ stayed with him because the chemistry, conversation and sex was amazing. Should I continue seeing this new guy for awhile and give it a chance? I don't want to get too involved only to break his heart but I also don't want to give up on someone that could potentially be a wonderful partner?

[Homegirl 50]

Well you have only been seeing him a month, but just because he is a nice guy, that does not mean he is the guy for you.
Sometimes you just don't feel anything other than friendship toward a person. Tell him that. You can't make yourself feel something you don't.

[theodosia123]

Give it a chance, you have everything else going right. Sometimes it takes time to bulid up and have great sex!
When you have bad r'ships were the sex is great is just a trick our minds play on us. Read woman who love too much it can explain it so much better then me. Yes the sex is great, but the love is not so great leaving you feeling used and unloved. Not cool is it?
Then again he could just be a friend that you love and respect.
Go girl, get that man before someone else grabs him!

[JudyKayTee]

Give it a chance, you have everything else going right. sometimes it takes time to bulid up and have great sex!
When you have bad r'ships were the sex is great is just a trick our minds play on us. Read woman who love to much it can explain it so much better then me. yes the sex is great, but the love is not so great leaving you feeling used and unloved. not cool is it?
Then again he could just be a friend that you love and respect.
go girl, get that man before someone else grabs him!

Why would you encourage anyone to "grab a man" before someone else gets him when the relationship is not 100% what she wants.

I always hesitate to ask this, but I've read your other answers. How old are you?

[theodosia123]

Why would you encourage anyone to "grab a man" before someone else gets him when the relationship is not 100% what she wants.

I always hesitate to ask this, but I've read your other answers. How old are you?

Please don't hesitate, you have a right to say what you think, or feel. So do I.
I would not encourage her to do the wrong thing, but was just saying that he could be the right one for her if everything else is right it could be a happy r'ship' for her after having bad r'ships with men. But yes I see your point too, and it is a fair one. Iam going on my own personal experence because of what happened to me.
But if she is not in love with him then maybe he could be a good friend to her.
As long as she is honest about her feelings for him.
I really hope for her and any woman who is looking for love will find it.
Kind regards, theodosia.

[here2assist]

I told him how I felt and am glad I did because I met someone else that strikes my interest. We've gone out three times and I definitely feel more sparks with this guy. It's still really early and we're both taking it slowly. I want to get to know someone first before jumping into anything head first. We shall see. Thanks for your responses.

[JudyKayTee]

I told him how I felt and am glad I did because I met someone else that strikes my interest. We've gone out three times and I definitely feel more sparks with this guy. It's still really early and we're both taking it slowly. I want to get to know someone first before jumping into anything head first. We shall see. Thanks for your responses.

Oh, good - let us know, okay? Isn't it amazing how life works out!

[Homegirl 50]

Good luck.

[here2assist]

Hi
This question is to other women. Would you end things with a guy if he had a really small ? I know this sounds shallow and I'm sure people will curse me out but sex in a relationship is very important to me. Yes, sorry guys but size does matter. I've been with a small one and literally couldn't even feel it. I'm not promiscuous at all. In fact I only have relations with guys I'm seriously dating so it's not like I'm all stretched out. UGGHH I'm so bummed :-( Why couldn't God have given everyone at least 5 inches?

[talaniman]

Dated a guy who was great in bed, not happy. You dated a guy for a month, wasn't happy, now you have dated a guy for a few weeks, still not happy.

Is it them, or the choices you have made. You have love and lust all mixed up!

Just saying

[JudyKayTee]

Hi
This question is to other women. Would you end things with a guy if he had a really small ? I know this sounds shallow and I'm sure people will curse me out but sex in a relationship is very important to me. Yes, sorry guys but size does matter. I've been with a small one and literally couldn't even feel it. I'm not promiscuous at all. In fact I only have relations with guys I'm seriously dating so it's not like I'm all stretched out. UGGHH I'm so bummed :-( Why couldn't God have given everyone at least 5 inches?

Please don't attempt to limit who answers your questions. Why would anybody "curse you out" for having an opinion?

Maybe size matters to you. Please don't speak for the rest of the female population.

As far as only having sex with guys you are "seriously dating" you aren't going to get "strectched out" and that doesn't give a number.

If it is sex that you are seeking, no problem if you choose a partner based on his penis size. You will probably meet men who base their choice on breast size. Hopefully you can pass that test.

I find your post more about sex and less about dating but, anyway, I was married to a man who was a complete invalid. Did I leave him? No. Did I get married in a hospital? Yes, so I always knew.

You are confusing penis size and the size of a person's character.

[here2assist]

I'm very happy with my choices thanks. Isn't that what dating is all about... learning what's important to you and in a partner, learning what you want and don't want. Would you tell someone that dated multiple people in their life and it didn't work out that they should look at the choices they made. I'd never tell my friends or anyone for that matter that they should look within just because they weren't satisfied in their last few relationships. Yes, if someone repeats a pattern of dating abusive men for instance I could definitely see advising someone to look at their choices.

I thought that you always advocate dating different types of people. It's all about finding a good fit and I do not feel bad that the last couple ones didn't work for me. That's OK, I'm blessed to have learned and had the experience.

As far as my last thread I never mentioned being unhappy. I asked if that would be important and/or a dealbreaker to other people.

True, people often mix up love and lust but I think $ex is an integral part of a relationship just as trust, honesty and integrity are. Some things like the latter have more importance than intimacy but if a guy couldn't satisfy me I probably wouldn't move forward with the relationship. I'm not ashamed to say that because it's important to me. I've even discussed this with a psychologist before and was told that wanting a healthy $ex life is perfectly healthy and natural for humans.

[Cat1864]

Hi
This question is to other women. Would you end things with a guy if he had a really small ? I know this sounds shallow and I'm sure people will curse me out but sex in a relationship is very important to me. Yes, sorry guys but size does matter. I've been with a small one and literally couldn't even feel it. I'm not promiscuous at all. In fact I only have relations with guys I'm seriously dating so it's not like I'm all stretched out. UGGHH I'm so bummed :-( Why couldn't God have given everyone at least 5 inches?

August 1, 2012, you have questions about the man you had been dating for a month.

August 13, you give us an update and tell us you are now seeing a new person who 'interests' you and that you want to get to know someone before sex is involved.

Today, August 29, you ask about being involved with a less than well-endowed male and should you stay.

In less than a month, you have jumped from one relationship and into another one. Now it looks like you are ready to jump again.

How do you define: seriously dating? I think our definitions may be different.

I know you are trying to break the 'bad boy' habit, but you are starting a new cycle. Meet someone, leap into a 'relationship', find something that doesn't suit you, leap into another relationship... Stop. Take some time to date with no strings attached. Don't expect a relationship after dinner and a movie. Get to know someone for a couple of months and/or several dates before you have sexual contact or call it a 'relationship'.

During the dating time think about what you want in a relationship. Date people who already have those qualities. Don't look for them after you are already involved. Be prepared to communicate and compromise. Remember that no one will ever completely match the template of the ideal companion we hold in our minds. What are you willing to compromise on?

Some advice my father gave me many years ago: It isn't how long the rope or how deep the well, but how you dangle the bucket.

Measure the expertise. It may not be as small you as you think it is.

[Cat1864]

True, people often mix up love and lust but I think $ex is an integral part of a relationship just as trust, honesty and integrity are. Some things like the latter have more importance than intimacy but if a guy couldn't satisfy me I probably wouldn't move forward with the relationship. I'm not ashamed to say that bc it's important to me. I've even discussed this with a psychologist before and was told that wanting a healthy $ex life is perfectly healthy and natural for humans.

I was apparently typing when you made this response. I want to point out that you seem to be leaving out 'getting to know' someone before getting 'sexually involved'.

You have mentioned that you aren't 'promiscuous' and that you only have sex when you are 'seriously dating'. If that is true, then you should know whether the gentleman has other qualities that count for more than the size of his penis.

If you keep doing the same things over and over again, then you are going to end up with the same issues over and over again. Don't break one cycle just to end up in another one.

By the way, you can say 'sex' here. As an aside, how old are you? How hard are you looking for a partner? Are you allowing yourself to have fun or are you looking for someone/something to fill a void?

[here2assist]

Thank you for the candid opinion. You raise some good points. I will say that we did not have sex nor oral. It was only touching and I said I think we should hit the brakes. Agree that it's important to get to know someone before you take it to the next level. A serious relationship to me is one where both parties agree to be exclusive and only date each other.

True, no one is perfect. I'm certainly far from it.

I'm 32. I had a six year relationship and that ended 3 years ago. Even though he told me he wanted to get married again when it came down to it he really didn't want the same things as me. We parted amicably and it was a nice, clean break. My last relationship lasted a year and a half although it was on and off. We had the most passionate, amazing connection physically and spiritually but he had some emotional issues and couldn't give me the attention I deserve. Taliniman probably had a very good point in that I confused lust with love. Lesson learned.

No, I do not rely on anyone else to make me happy. I try to find happiness in myself, in what I do in my career, my hobbies and the people in my life. I consider myself very fortunate and am generally happy about life. I think I'm very fortunate and blessed even having lost my mom and my Godmother to cancer. I'm not looking to fill a void. I have a successful career, the best family and a large group of friends. I'm looking for a lifetime partner yes.

[JudyKayTee]

I thought that you always advocate dating different types of people. ... Some things like the latter have more importance than intimacy but if a guy couldn't satisfy me I probably wouldn't move forward with the relationship. I'm not ashamed to say that bc it's important to me. I've even discussed this with a psychologist before and was told that wanting a healthy $ex life is perfectly healthy and natural for humans.

In response to just what I quoted -

I never said that I advocated dating different types of people, never. I have two types I happen to find attractive, and I don't waste time on those I don't. Where did I say I advocated dating different types?

Penis size isn't the only way to get satisfaction in a sexual relationship. If it's important to you, that's fine. Very possibly you cutting men out of the herd who are good prospects, and that leaves more for everyone else.

You discussed penis size with a Psychologist?

And your somewhat scattered sex life has already been posted so I'll skip the research.

And, again, it's what works for you - but please don't put words in my mouth.

[here2assist]

In response to just what I quoted -

I never said that I advocated dating different types of people, never. I have two types I happen to find attractive, and I don't waste time on those I don't. Where did I say I advocated dating different types?

Penis size isn't the only way to get satisfaction in a sexual relationship. If it's important to you, that's fine. Very possibly you cutting men out of the herd who are good prospects, and that leaves more for everyone else.

You discussed penis size with a Psychologist?

And your somewhat scattered sex life has already been posted so I'll skip the research.

And, again, it's what works for you - but please don't put words in my mouth.

Sorry, my message was to Talaniman. You don't think it's important to date all different types of people in terms of size, race, interests, hobbies, career, background? I have 'types' too but I think it's foolish of me not to give someone a chance because they don't fit my 'type'.

I can only orgasm from sex unfortunately but thankfully I'm so lucky to have had internal orgasms. You can't get that outside of sex. I have friends that have never experienced them and honestly it changed my outlook on life... that's how wonderful I felt. To be close and intimate with someone you care about is beautiful.

I did not discuss penis size with a therapist. I discussed relationships and the importance/value of your sex life in a relationship. Sorry if my statement was misleading.

My sex life is not scattered but I can understand how my question might lead you to believe that. I have not had sex since the last relationship of a year and a half where we did concur that we were together.

[JudyKayTee]

Sorry, my message was to Talaniman. You don't think it's important to date all different types of people in terms of size, race, interests, hobbies, career, background? I have 'types' too but I think it's foolish of me not to give someone a chance because they don't fit my 'type'.

No, I don't think it's important to date all different types of people in terms of size, race, interests, hobbies, career, background.

I always knew what I was looking for, what I found attractive, from the time I was in my very early 20's. If you are a "deese, dem, dose" kind of guy, you are not my type and I'm not wasting my time. I don't camp. I won't camp. Not my thing. If your "hobby" is camping, I'm not wasting my time.

And I'll say it again - if you are selecting partners based on "internal orgasms" pray that you don't marry someone who either doesn't age well or develops a physical problem. I have no idea what you "can only orgasm from sex" means. Maybe we have different definitions of sex.

In fact, I'd buy a vibrator and a lot of batteries before I'd have sex with anyone in order to judge the size of his organ.

[here2assist]

I totally get what you're saying about having a clear picture of what you want. I want someone that has strong values, respects others, knows what they want in life, takes care of themselves, is driven, kind, sweet, emotionally stable, grounded, practical, understanding, willing to compromise, fair, reasonable. When I say different types of people I don't mean compromising on the significant things like the aforementioned but not always going for the tall, dark, handsome type.

If I was married to someone and they developed a physical problem I would stand by them 100%. I committed for life and would stand by my partner till death do us part.

I meant I can only orgasm from intercourse. Sex does encompass oral and other activities. I don't need foreplay although I love giving :-)

I didn't mean to be judgemental or superficial in my Q. I wanted to hear other's opinions so I appreciate your response and the time you took to give me your opinion.

[JudyKayTee]

I want someone that has strong values, respects others, knows what they want in life, takes care of themselves, is driven, kind, sweet, emotionally stable, grounded, practical, understanding, willing to compromise, fair, reasonable..

I was thinking in more simple terms like employed and able to walk and chew gum at the same time.

But I'm willing to compromise.