[stargirl2712]

Hey everyone!

My ex and I broke up 7 months ago due to difference in religion. We had a friends with benefits type of relationship for 5 months after BU. He then started talking to another girl (the same religion as him) the last week of the semester in college. He would act so lovey-dovey with me in person but then ignore me when he wasn't around me... like through texts/facebook. Instead, he would interact with this other girl a lot. This really hurt me deeply as he was basically "two-timing" me, so I decided that I needed space over the summer to move on. I told him that and he understood.

After officially ending our relationship, I went through the characteristic stalking phase. I had his Facebook password, and I would check everyday to see if he was talking to the girl. When he was, I was devastated. I told him to change his Facebook password because it was saved on my computer (I lied). He didn't change it and just told me to erase my computer history and that he trusted I won't look. I repeatedly told him to change it, but he never did. I even have his gmail password. I only checked that sporadically. I never found incriminating evidence, but the guilt I felt was unimaginable. Normally, I'm a very rational person and one of great faith in God, but this was such a huge lapse in judgement.

I started to control myself because I found out if you look under "last account activity" in both gmail and Facebook, you can tell who logged into your account last. At some point, I only started logging in to cover my tracks. The location under Facebook and gmail is not my location even though it's in the same state. I'm hoping my ex won't suspect its me or will even look under those settings because I don't meddle I was just too curious for my own good. Eventually, I only checked once a week and now I no longer check.

I still live with a lot of guilt and fear because I'm scared he's going to tell our mutual friends at college. I know I can find new friends, but I love our mutual friends! I'm not a bad person, and some of my friends have done questionable stuff too, but I don't want them to judge me and just reject me. Also, my ex and I have sporadically texted over the summer. It was super friendly at first, but I stopped replying to some of his texts or even interact with him on Facebook. After some time, if I texted him, he just won't reply. He's not even interacting with me on Facebook. Although over the summer a couple times, he invited me to mutual group hangouts (those were the times I used to check his account frequently). I'm just living in lots of fear that he knows and that he will tell everybody. I do plan on coming clean when I see him in person. However, I'm just not able to sleep or function normally... I'm even too scared to go on Facebook! I fear that he hates me and thinks I'm a horrible person. I just can't seem to forgive myself and I think that I deserve to suffer for what I did. Am I just overreacting?

At this point I don't even care if my ex dates someone else, I just want to know he doesn't hate me. He's done some sketchy things in the past too... I'm deeply sorry for invading his privacy as I no longer do it. I've given up a lot of things I enjoy to God as repentance for what I've done. I don't really know how to ease this anxiety. Do you think my ex hates me or am I just overreacting? Please help an anxious girl out!

[mmresd]

You cannot be "two-timed" when you are friends with benefits, only when you are in a relationship with a person, which you weren't. That is your fault for continuing to see him in a situation that you weren't really comfortable in.

There is no "incriminating" evidence when he doesn't owe anything to you... he has the freedom to do whatever he wants and you need to control yourself and stop disrespecting his privacy.

Yes, you are overreacting, big time, regardless of whether he notices, which you cannot do anything about, he will get over it. Just stop contact with him altogether, respect the break up and him talking to someone else and move on. Worry about yourself, not so much as to what others will think, if you feel guilty for doing something inmoral that is YOUR punishment, why tell him so that YOU can feel better when he is going to feel betrayed, that is even MORE SELFISH.