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seeker2437 · Jul 9, 2012, 07:47 PM

I was in a relationship with a man for over 5 years. He has seemed to pull back and not pursue the relationship but he still communicates with me. I am not completely over this guy and will always care about him a great deal. However, my friend is very opinionated about my relationship with him and has expressed to me several times that she does not understand why I still reach out to him or give him the time of day. I've told her that he is someone I still care about and I'm just not at the letting go point yet. Also, maybe I like having him in my life even if it's just as my friend. I appreciate my friends concern for me but don't want to always hear her express it so I try not to talk about him in front of her. We went out the other night and I sent him a text message asking him to come say hi as we were at a restaurant by his house. She asked who I was texting so I told her. She immediately gave me the riot act about why do I pursue him and reach out to him. We ended up arguing a bit and then I went silent as it was getting us not where. No she is mad that I'm upset about her reaction as I'm just supposed to forget it and move on. Help.

here2assist · Jul 10, 2012, 01:38 PM

I feel for you as I recently experienced something very similar with a friend. I'm sure your friend is coming from a place of concern but ultimately it is your life to lead. In my case the best friend screamed at me and cursed me out when I told her that I responded to a text from an ex. I told her that I wasn't opening the door to communication nor was I welcoming him into my life. I explained that I politely responded saying I was doing well and wished him all the best and she still got verbally abusive with me. I called it quits.

You could tell her that you appreciate her having your best interest in mind but that you choose to have him in your life. You can remind her that you respect and value her opinion and will take full responsibility if it blows up in your face. Then kindly ask her to respect your decision and close the topic. If she won't accept that then maybe it's time to reevaluate your friendship. It's one thing to strongly advise a friend against something but when it gets to the point that someone is trying to control you or make you feel guilty it becomes unhealthy.

In my case she had been very supportive and nurturing during our on and off again relationship. I understand that can be taxing and consuming on a friend but I had offered her the same during her breakup. I really don't like when friends try to make you feel bad for something. Tough love is one thing but I think a lot of people need to lighten up.

I hope you guys can work it out.

seeker2437 · Jul 10, 2012, 09:34 PM

Thanks! It's just nice to know that someone shares my view regarding it. I've never asked her to fix it or understand it. Just be my friend is all I'm asking. Her response was quite abrasive and she reiterated all over again that she will not support my relationship with him and will NEVER understand it so I can have a nice day. My response was that I never asked her to understand it or support it. I have a hard time understanding how she can put so much energy into saying she can't support me yet she thinks she is doing what's best for me... when all she is really doing is hurting my feelings and now I've lost her as a friend for now. It's crazy that she can't see that. It's not up to her to decide... it's up to me. Thanks again!

here2assist · Jul 11, 2012, 12:23 PM

Are you sure we're not friends with the same person ;-) Did this guy abuse you in any way? If not, then she's acting crazy to end your friendship. I seriously cannot comprehend why people have to get so aggressive over something that really isn't their business. You didn't do anything wrong nor do you have to answer to anyone but yourself. Good luck!

seeker2437 · Jul 11, 2012, 11:30 PM

Originally Posted by here2assist

Are you sure we're not friends with the same person ;-) Did this guy abuse you in any way? If not, then she's acting crazy to end your friendship. I seriously cannot comprehend why people have to get so aggressive over something that really isn't their business. You didn't do anything wrong nor do you have to answer to anyone but yourself. Good luck!!

No abuse in any way. She actually has never met him. Yes, my biggest question is why does she feel so strongly about my contact with him? She claims she doesn't want to see me hurt by him but the way she treated me Friday night really hurt my feelings. It makes no sense to me. She is mad because I'm not handling the situation the way she would like me too. It is crazy and I'm still trying to make sense of it... thank you!