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persainpapaya · May 5, 2007, 05:51 PM

I am wondering if it is time to cut off a 5 year friendship. I really don't like confrontation, and I found myself in a conversation with my "friend" Evita the other day... Not the first one like this, either. She was telling me her opinion once again on how I am wrong to guard my daughter from completely losing her innocence at 11 years old(not talking about extremes, just being careful what type of music she is listening to, and what kind of friends she has). She was preaching to me about how I raise my children while her son (at age 16) has a 3 month old and is having unprotected sex with another girl. She then began to tell me that I am crazy to want to have another baby and tried to give me a guilt trip saying how hard my husband works (about 60 hours a week), and that I should get the three kids we have into school and go to work to help him. Well... what she said was really bothering me. I try never to be closed minded and so I was feeling really bad and questioning whether she was telling the truth. But then I was thinking about her situation. She has been trying to get pregnant with her new husband for 5 months. According to her, he is verbally and mentally abusive, and she says she does not love him, but just needs to get her citizenship papers. I find myself always feeling bad about myself whenever I am around Evita... Should I be done with this relationship? I have been her friend through a lot of bad times in her life, I always felt sorry for her that I was her only friend. What do you think?

startover22 · May 5, 2007, 06:04 PM

Keep protecting your children, you are doing a fine job, making sure they are doing the right things... As for the friend, maybe just have a polite talk with her and tell her you love her but she is really hurting your feelings, it doesn't have to be a confrontation, just a discussion. Good luck!

Emland · May 5, 2007, 06:12 PM

Have you told Evita that you don't appreciate her opinion? Setting boundaries can be very uncomfortable but if you don't then she will continue to be obnoxious. A friendship is supposed to go both ways. If she is only using you to make herself feel superior then I can understand you wanting to part ways. That isn't to say that a friend isn't supposed to point out when you are doing something really wrong, though.

The one great thing about friends that you can't say about family is that you get to pick your friends.

JoeCanada76 · May 5, 2007, 06:23 PM

Well I think that if the only reason why your being her friend is because you feel sorry for her. That is not a true friend in the first place, right? It is a give and take situation with friends.

You might not agree with her, or her you but not everybody agrees on everything. You need to continue parenting the way you think is best for your child and this evita can go you know where to be honest with you. She is not the parent, she is not your husband.

Just talk to her and let her know that you want to raise your children and make your own decisions on having more children. That you are upset whenever she mentions these things and you would like to talk about other things.

Joe

AW805 · May 6, 2007, 09:00 PM

There should be more parents like you that monitor that children's activities. You are doing absolutely nothing wrong.

A friend shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself when you around them. Tell her how you feel. She may not like or respect your feelings so prepared that the friendship may come to an end.

Km104 · May 6, 2007, 09:12 PM

This is a no brainer - You need to remove yourself from this person. You can casually talk - but do not let her be a influence in your life. YOU already know this. Don't feel guilty. Even though your binded by 5 years - I really do not see this as a loss of a true friend.
True friends back you or suggest true positives towards your own personal life - True friends " Papaya" Enhance your life. That's the bottom line. We are all imperfect that is true, yet we do not drag nor stake claim on others and make them feel guilty for life experiences. And then do the complete opposite and still wave a finger. Run Honey Run.

gypsy456 · May 7, 2007, 03:10 PM

Sounds like she is a "frenemy...."

Sometimes we outgrow friendships... and a true friend will not criticize of make you feel bad about yourself...

It's your life.
You are raising your children the way you as a mother think is best...

Distance yourself, I would say...

And don't let anybody make you feel bad about yourself.

Just don't :)

persainpapaya · May 10, 2007, 08:34 AM

I just wanted to thank all of you for giving me such sound advise. I really appreciate it. I did decide that I will talk to Evita and explain that what she said hurt me, and that I don't want her opinion on my decisions. With her personality type... this conversation will probably mean the end of our "friendship" but like some of you said... it's one-sided anyway. I always say I am her friend, but she is not mine. I had to think that way a long time ago, when I realized that she didn't care about me or help me, or want my life to be good. Unfortunately, I have found myself in friendships like this since I was very young. But this time I am going to at least state my feelings and see what happens. Thank you all.