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embone27 · Jul 5, 2012, 01:08 PM

So I always try to stay patient with my mother becaasue she is very invasive and manipulative at times and lies sometimes to play a guilt trip on me. I normally get mad but get over it. Also most of the lies involve my brother and or his wife who she is obsessed with and has an unhealthy mother son relationship with.

So my husband asked my dad to go golfing with him and my dad accepted. We thought it was the end of the story. My husband invited a couple of other people and he planned on meeting my dad in the morning. When he got there my brother was with him. My husband had no idea he would be threre and had to call one of his friends to tell him not to come because he only reserved 4 spots. My mom had called my brother that night to tell him to play with my husband even though she knew he wouldn't want to play with him.

My husband and I don't get along with my brother for many different reasons. Point is my mother went behind our backs and put my husband in a bad position. He would never want to make my brother feel uncomfortable no matter how much he dislikes him, but I'm mad at my mom for being manipulative to make my brother feel accepted. She said she didn't want my brother to have his feelings hurt.
How can I talk to her when I feel like the only person she cares about in my family is my brother?

JWASKE · Jul 5, 2012, 01:24 PM

Simple answer: TRUTH hurts. Your husband should've just said it when he went to pick up your father. "I'm sorry, but i made reservations already, maybe next time" No matter how manipulative your mother is, her lying can't affect you if you don't let it. Funny thing about guilt trips is they only work if you feel guilty. And since you have the power of truth on your side, you have no need to feel guilty.

mmresd · Jul 5, 2012, 02:08 PM

Sometimes being firm with someone is what you have to do for them to understand that they are not the last bite of a wonderful meal. Next time, tell your husband to be a little tougher, they should respect his decision whether he wants to or not, the only thing that fuels a manipulator is manipulating someone into doing something. The absence of that manipulating power is what helps them calm down. Exercising these firm actions will help it a little bit.