[Rose8621]

Hello my name is Sierra Walker. I am a 25 year old woman and my boyfriend is 25 years old also. We have been in a relationship for a year now. Let me give you a little background information on him. Seven years ago he lost his younger sister, older sister and grandmother in a tragic semi-trailer accident. A semi truck driver was reading a book and failed to stop at an intersection and smashed into them at 60 miles per hour. The three women were killed instantly.

Before we started dating he told me he didn't know whether he had feelings. That it was hard for him to know whether he had feelings of love or even missing someone. That the only way to tell was through his actions.

He seen a therapist shortly after, but he said they found nothing wrong with him, that he was dealing with things normally.

Throughout this year I have fallen in love with him greatly. I have been living with him also too, although unofficially. However last week he told me to get my stuff that he wanted me to officially live with him. We have a vacation planned for Colorado in September together, he has been talking about relocating with me, talks of the future together and the other day he told me he loved me for the first time.

However I know invasion of privacy is wrong and that is something that I have been working on not doing. Today I found an email between him and his aunt just catching up on family life and he told her that he has been with me a year and that I moved in last week, but since he lost his sisters and grandmother in that accident he doesn't know whether he "cares for his girlfriend."

Maybe I am taking it wrong, maybe he didn't mean that in a mean way. Because I do overreact and take things the wrong way. I am just wondering can a tragic experience really make someone not be able to feel? Like not know whether they feel for someone else? I just don't understand if he doesn't know whether he cares about me why he said he loved me the other night. Is he trying to force his emotions out by saying that he loves me?

I want him to feel the same and I am just a little scared with us moving forward if he himself doesn't know whether he cares for me. Is there anything I can do to help him? Sincerely, Sierra

[EnigmaMCMLXIV]

I believe your relationship is pretty good under the circumstances. Your boyfriend has been through a lot of loss and it's easy to put up a wall to defend yourself from being hurt and hurting in general. He admitted to loving you and that was a big step for him. He is letting you in, trusting you. This is what I would do in your case. Hug him everyday, hold him every night and tell him you love him. It's not the issue of loving you as much as the fear of losing you. I hope this works out for you both.