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macbergerj · Jun 25, 2012, 08:00 AM

I am 19 years old, I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years. I just found out recently he cheated on me, with his best friends ex. They had a 2 week long "affair", had sex a handful of times, even got a hotel one night. He claims it was purely physical, and there were no emotions.

He pleads to me that he learned a hard lesson, and would never do anything like this again. We talked about marriage, and having a family, I'm wondering if there is a way I can get over this and we can make it work, or if were at a dead end. I know I am young, but I love him more than words can describe, but I am hurt and betrayed.

Please help, I don't want to make a mistake if I stay with him and he does this again, but I also don't want to lose him.

cjk888 · Jun 25, 2012, 08:34 AM

Originally Posted by macbergerj

I am 19 years old, I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years. I just found out recently he cheated on me, with his best friends ex. They had a 2 week long "affair", had sex a handful of times, even got a hotel one night. He claims it was purely physical, and there were no emotions. He pleads to me that he learned a hard lesson, and would never do anything like this again. We talked about marriage, and having a family, im wondering if there is a way I can get over this and we can make it work, or if were at a dead end. I know I am young, but I love him more than words can describe, but i am hurt and betrayed. Please help, I don't want to make a mistake if i stay with him and he does this again, but i also don't want to lose him.

If you can forgive then why not try but I don't think you will ever forget it and it will always pop in to your mind and make you think he is doing it again, it's the worst feeling knowing the person you love has been with someone else's and its happened to me and I still can't get it out my head and its been 4 months.

macbergerj · Jun 25, 2012, 02:39 PM

That's exactly it, the trust is gone. So I'm constantly going to be questioning what he's doing. I really do want to make it work with him, but yes, it is the worst feeling to know he did that to me so blatantly, and so many times. I don't think I'll be able to forgive him for it for a long time, and it's going to take a long time for me to get it out of my head. I just found this out a couple days ago, so it's a very fresh wound.

cjk888 · Jun 25, 2012, 02:49 PM

I know what your going through but I have a daughter with my girlfriend but she didn't cheat we split and she slept with someone 2 weeks after she moved out, we are now back together and I'm struggling to forget about it, even though I know she didn't do anything wrong it's just so hard as I know exactly what happened, what ever you do don't ask any questions I hope you haven't already, I wish I didn't. I am really sorry this has happened to your it's so what people can do but if I was you I would go because it will never be the same and if he could do it that easy he will do it again

macbergerj · Jun 25, 2012, 02:58 PM

Unfortunately, I have already asked questions. I probably know more than I want to, but I needed him to be completely honest with me so I can make a decision. I suppose, ignorance is bliss in this situation, but I needed the truth. I know it won't be the same, at least not for a long time. It's going to be difficult whatever choice I make.

cjk888 · Jun 25, 2012, 03:05 PM

That's the worst thing I did was ask questions but hopefully after time the thoughts will go, well what ever you decide I hope it works out for you but if I was you if u have no ties with him house kids etc let it go it's not worth the heart ache

slapshot_oi · Jun 25, 2012, 03:22 PM

Having been cheated on myself, I can say it's much better to end your relationship and immediately begin NC.

Here are my reasons: 1) cheating is nearly impossible forgive and forget and 2) your image will suffer if you stay in this relationship. When your peers discover that your boyfriend cheated on you and that you're still with him, they will think you have little self-respect and, as a result, it will lessen their respect for you. This can cause a lot of confusion and bitterness.

To put this in a quantitative perspective, the three parts to a relationship and the order of which they occur are 1) mutual sexual attraction, 2) mutual respect and 3) mutual trust. In your relationship, two of those are now gone.

talaniman · Jun 25, 2012, 03:49 PM

Remove yourself from the situation and take all the time you need to make the right decision for yourself.