[alliwantislove]

Hi all,
I'm 14 years old and the eldest of three children. I have a sister, 11 and a brother, 9. Our father died almost 6 years ago when I was 9 of cancer. My mother is 38 and got married at 21.

This might take a while to explain so I'll appreciate it if anyone is brave enough to read on! My mother grew up in quite a disruptive, violent household. Her father often came home drunk and she grew up around fighting. When she left school she met my father, a very good, kind man though who was quite a lot older (17 years older).

Very unhappy, naïve and very in love after 3 years Mum married my Dad. They went on to have me and my two siblings. My parents were a very loving couple and I remember very happy, family times. My father did not drink at all. My mother was pretty much a stay at home wife and mother and adored us all. Then, in 2006 my father was diagnosed with cancer (aged 49) and was given 3 months to live. He actually lived 9 but sadly passed away a week before Christmas.

We were aged 9, 5 and 3 when this happened. My mother, who had seen my father not just a husband but also almost a father figure and a rock was thrown into the deep end at 32. For the first two years, considering the circumstances, she coped well. She grieved of course, but went out and got a job (as a teacher in the primary school we attended) 10 months later.

Lonely, upset and unhappy at that time (though I did not realise this at the time. I was only 10) she became friendly with a male teacher in the school. He was around her age. She got along with him. I remember him coming over to our house one evening and me wondering why. He just had a cup of tea and a chat but it was to be the first visit of many.

Soon this man began visiting almost every evening. My brother and sister loved him, he seemed to make Mum happy but I was more wary. I began to stay quiet and keep listening. I found out that this man was in a relationship. Then that this woman was pregnant. My 10 or 11 year old self wondered how he could visit every evening if he had a partner at home. I confronted my mother and suddenly I was the bad guy 'I didn't want to see Mum happy if it wasn't with Dad.' Truth was I didn't want to see Mum hurt.

Then I began hearing the arguments. Over the phone, when I was in bed and he was over. Mum cried and screamed. She'd drive off in the car and I wouldn't even be sure if she's coming home. I'd make excuses to my brother and sister.

This went on for about 3 years. Mum left the school. Started a business. The teacher was still around. So was the fighting. And as it appears so was the woman. Only now they were married and had another child though I was only informed of this recently. This charade continued up until about a month ago.

The teacher had been telling my mother that he was no longer with the woman and he didn't love her but was afraid she wouldn't let him see the child. But then one evening Mum drove off and came home in a state. He was living with the woman. I had sort of expected this but she was in shock. She had went to the house and the woman threatened to call the cops.

Over the last month, instead of breaking clean she has continued to ring them constantly. Send emails, texts, cry, leave messages and has went almost comatose. She keeps threatening suicide in front of the children. She is crying and sleeping continually. She said she doesn't want to live anymore and we'd be better without her. Lately, I've been holding the whole house together. Lying left right and centre and am under severe pressure.

She blanks out and is completely depressed. She admits this. I say she should get help. I tell her I'll do anything but she says she's just so lonely and cannot cope with being alone. She refuses to go to a doctor. She says counselling won't work even though she hasn't tried. I'm almost at breaking point and am terrified of what effect this behaviour and god forbid, any suicide attempts will have on my younger brother and sister who are my main priority. I'm 14, what can I do??

I can't go to family. I tried that once a few years ago, a trusted aunt and my mother stopped speaking to me for days. She insists it'll do more damage. I need support. I've begun to feel low myself and can't afford to, for my families sake.

Thank you so much for reading this essay... any help, advice, support or prayers you can give me I will be so so grateful for.

My dearest regards,
S.

[JudyKayTee]

Where is this happening? In the US?

[alliwantislove]

Where is this happening? In the US?

Sorry, should have stated that. Ireland. Came across this site by chance.
Thanks,
S