[Kizzy25]

I have been with my boyfriend for 7 yrs but he is married... I never knew he was until she called and told me... We did break up that same day for 2 yrs and we got back together... After a year later I met another man who I know for a fact that will always take care of me and love me regardless... It's been four years now and I still can't even kiss the other guy without thinking about my boyfriend... I can't even imagine myself with him... I need help letting go of my boyfriend and I don't know how to do it... I want to be with the other guy because he has always been there for me and he spoils me and treats me like a queen!! What should I do to be more into the other guy! He is such a great guy! And I feel that if I let him go I won't find another guy like him ever? Please help me!

[talaniman]

While I cannot understand how you can go 7 years not knowing if a guy is married, I also cannot imagine why you got back with him. But how long have you been broken up from this married ex, and are you still in contact with him? The new guy sounds like a rebound for the sake of security and not being alone, more than a serious life partner which you obviously are not ready for.

Are you holding out for the ex, or what? Bet he is still in your life, big time.

[Kizzy25]

My ex still is in my life... I know is stupid to still be with him... He never showed signs of being married we did everything together!! I am lonely and I want to be in love and enjoy my life... I just turned 26 and I still can't let go... The other guy is always telling me how much he loves me and wants to take care of me but I just can't seem to move on and live my life without my married partner... I compare every man to him and I end pushing everyone away!!

[talaniman]

If you weren't so desperate, you would cut the married guy from your life, and have a chance at a healthy relationship some day. Not now though, because you need to stop lying and cheating on an unaware victim of your deceit, the new guy. Or does he know of the married guy??

[Kizzy25]

Am not desperate at all is just that the married guy has been with me for so long... I am craving for a healthy relationship... I want to break free from the married guy and have my own life... I want to get married and have my own kids... I know am wasting my time with the married guy... I just want to break free and give the new guy a chance... And no he doesn't know about the married guy...

[Wondergirl]

Wouldn't it be the fair thing to do to tell the boyfriend that you have a married lover whom you prefer to be with? Otherwise, you are crippling the boyfriend and preventing him from having a happy life.

[Kizzy25]

I was going to tell him but am scared to lose him and he is such a good man... All he wants from me is to spend time with him and enjoy life together... I feel so terrible that I can't tell him the truth about why I have been so distant from him and he has been around for 4 yrs and he always says the same thing that all he wants is to spend time with me and for me to be with him...

[Wondergirl]

So you will mess up his life so you can have financial security?

[Kizzy25]

No I wouldn't... I feel so terrible about the whole situation... And These past couple of months his been talking about marriage and having kids which is what I want as well but my married lover is always in the way...

[Wondergirl]

Okay. It's time to get off the merry-go-round. You know what you have to do. Let's say you will do it sometime during the next three days. Stay in touch with us for moral support. Then after you've told the boyfriend what you are morally obliged to tell him, post again and we can figure out what comes next.

We are with you all the way, as long as you are finally honest with your boyfriend -- and with yourself.

[Kizzy25]

Thank u so much... I will tell him tonight and see what happens from there on!! Am so nervous lol... I will be back tomorrow or Tuesday to give u an update!

[Wondergirl]

I'm proud of you for doing this. Be very honest and don't be wishy-washy so the boyfriend thinks there still is hope. We first have to kick the "ex habit."

[Kizzy25]

Thank u I feel a little better... I will be very honest and tell him everything... Hopefully he doesn't hate me after this... Yea I have to let go of my ex and move on with my life... As much as I love him I deserve better than this!

[Wondergirl]

And there are some really helpful and smart people on this site who will give you lots of support and advice as you journey forward on a path to good mental health. Then you will be ready when the love of your life shows up.

[Kizzy25]

I can tell already there are good people on this site... Expect me tomorrow for the update