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truth123 · Jun 9, 2012, 11:10 PM

I was involved with a man for over a year. I recently found out he is a married man and had lied to me about being divorced along with a bunch of other lies. Of course he denied everything when I confronted him about it even though I have numerous text messages going back to when we first started our relationship along with phone records. I want nothing to do with him and told him so. After a few weeks of thinking it over I decided to contact his wife to let her know of her husbands activities. I thought about how if I were her I would want to know and she deserves to know so that she could move forward as she saw fit. After all, I don't know if I was the only one and I wanted her to be aware. I found out his wife's work number and left a voicemail exposing her husbands activities in the most respectful way that I could. Immediately after he called me leaving threatening messages on my phone saying stop calling my wife and how could I do this to him. He also says he will get a restraining order on me and my phone to prevent me from calling his wife.

Trust me I have learned a valuable lesson in this whole mess and will have no contact with him or his wife again but I just knew I had to tell her the truth. But my question is could this be possible that he could get a restraining order against me for telling the truth and exposing his lies?

tickle · Jun 10, 2012, 12:19 AM

It has nothing to do with telling the truth and exposing his lies, you have been a nuisance and this could be seen as stalking. Do you understand that?

You left her a voice mail? What if someone else had picked up her voice mail for her? No one else has to be privy to this information and if you felt you had to tell her, then you should have done this directly to her.

AK lawyer · Jun 10, 2012, 05:19 AM

Originally Posted by truth123

... But my question is could this be possible that he could get a restraining order against me for telling the truth and exposing his lies?

A restraining order is granted only until a hearing can be held at which you would get to appear in court, with your attorney if you choose to hire one, and argue that such an order should not be extended. The argument would be whether he has a clear case against you for a permanent injunction, whether restraining you would prevent an incurable harm, and whether that harm would be worse than the harm avoided. I very much doubt that such an order would be made by a judge.

Originally Posted by tickle

... you have been a nuisance and this could be seen as stalking. ...

A voice mail message is not stalking, and a single one is not harassment.

tickle · Jun 10, 2012, 07:08 AM

Originally Posted by AK lawyer

A voice mail message is not stalking, and a single one is not harassment.

If I was on the other end of that VM I would certainly see it as harassing, even a single one; I would certainly see it as annoying, I know you are looking at the legal side, I am looking at the side that says it is just plain downright dirty and spiteful leaving that message on a business phone. No third party needs to know dirty laundry, especially in a workplace.

truth123 · Jun 10, 2012, 07:36 AM

Originally Posted by tickle

If I was on the other end of that VM I would certainly see it as harrassing, even a single one; I would certainly see it as annoying,. I know you are looking at the legal side, I am looking at the side that says it is just plain downright dirty and spiteful leaving that message on a business phone. No third party needs to know dirty laundry, especially in a workplace.

This was a personal voicemail with no third party involved. And it wasn't done to be dirty or spiteful. This woman had a right to know the type of man her husband is to at least be able to protect herself.

truth123 · Jun 10, 2012, 07:49 AM

Originally Posted by AK lawyer

A restraining order is granted only until a hearing can be held at which you would get to appear in court, with your attorney if you choose to hire one, and argue that such an order should not be extended. The argument would be whether he has a clear case against you for a permanent injunction, whether restraining you would prevent an incurable harm, and whether that harm would be worse than the harm avoided. I very much doubt that such an order would be made by a judge.

A voice mail message is not stalking, and a single one is not harassment.

Ok, it just didn't seem right that he would be able to do that. Thanks for the information.

JudyKayTee · Jun 10, 2012, 07:50 AM

Originally Posted by truth123

This was a personal voicemail with no third party involved. And it wasn't done to be dirty or spiteful. This woman had a right to know the type of man her husband is to at least be able to protect herself.

Sorry, but that voicemail was revenge, pure and simple. It's over. Walk away. You sound like a woman scorned. You thought it over for a "few weeks" before you made your move?

I also wonder if that voicemail was accessible to a third person. Enough for a restraining order? I agree - no. Enough to TRY for a restraining order? Possibly - depends upon what else has gone on. I'm not sure this is about one voicemail. Spidey senses and all.

Did you think causing a problem in his marriage would bring him back to you?

You don't think it was "right" that he (or she) could get a restraining order against you?

tickle · Jun 10, 2012, 08:10 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I also wonder if that voicemail was accessible to a third person. Enough for a restraining order? I agree - no. Enough to TRY for a restraining order?

My thoughts exactly regarding a third person hearing it.

JudyKayTee · Jun 10, 2012, 08:12 AM

Originally Posted by tickle

My thoughts exactly regarding a third person hearing it.

I've "worked" too many of these cases - not saying I disbelieve OP but it's never one vm, one contact, one call.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 10, 2012, 09:42 AM

So you called, and the women asked her husband and he said you were some crazy women who had been stalking him, so it did not good what so ever.

He then threatened you and is happy at home and with his other girlfriend.

So be glad you called, and go on with life.

If you only called once, there is nothing he can do, if you called a dozen times it could be.

If you want to prove it, make copies of all the emails, all the evidence and mail it to her,

JudyKayTee · Jun 10, 2012, 09:57 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

so you called, and the women asked her husband and he said you were some crazy women who had been stalking him, so it did not good what so ever.

he then threatened you and is happy at home and with his other girlfriend.

So be glad you called, and go on with life.

If you only called once, there is nothing he can do, if you called a dozen times it could be.

If you want to prove it, make copies of all the emails, all the evidence and mail it to her,

Question - now that she's been told by the ex-boyfriend to stay away, "only made 1 call to wife's voicemail," if she copies and sends the "evidence," is she stalking?

Something else just struck me - the call to the wife wasn't to help the wife. It was to "expose" the husband (title of the thread).

Would I be livid? Yes. I have found in life that when you wrestle with pigs you get dirty - best to just walk away!

tickle · Jun 10, 2012, 10:56 AM

Originally Posted by truth123

Ok, it just didn't seem right that he would be able to do that. Thanks for the information.

If you stay away and have no further contact, nothing at all, then no, he can't do that, but if you continue a vendetta because you are still not satisfied that you have caused harm, then yes, he may be able to get a restraining order against you.

truth123 · Jun 10, 2012, 01:10 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Question - now that she's been told by the ex-boyfriend to stay away, "only made 1 call to wife's voicemail," if she copies and sends the "evidence," is she stalking?

Something else just struck me - the call to the wife wasn't to help the wife. It was to "expose" the husband (title of the thread).

Would I be livid? Yes. I have found in life that when you wrestle with pigs you get dirty - best to just walk away!

Yes, I have just walked away. I have kept copies of the evidence but I don't see a need to send them to her.

truth123 · Jun 10, 2012, 01:22 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Sorry, but that voicemail was revenge, pure and simple. It's over. Walk away. You sound like a woman scorned. You thought it over for a "few weeks" before you made your move?

I also wonder if that voicemail was accessible to a third person. Enough for a restraining order? I agree - no. Enough to TRY for a restraining order? Possibly - depends upon what else has gone on. I'm not sure this is about one voicemail. Spidey senses and all.

Did you think causing a problem in his marriage would bring him back to you?

You don't think it was "right" that he (or she) could get a restraining order against you?

Yes, I have moved on. I could never trust any man who is unfaithful to his wife. If I were his wife I definitely would want to know of his activities.

He's the one who brought problems into his marriage when he decided to cheat on his wife.

tickle · Jun 10, 2012, 01:46 PM

Originally Posted by truth123

Yes, I have just walked away. I have kept copies of the evidence but I don't see a need to send them to her.

No you didn't walk away, truth, you kept copies of the evidence as you say. If you truly walked away then you would not have a single bit of evidence left that reminds you.

truth123 · Jun 10, 2012, 02:37 PM

Originally Posted by tickle

No you didnt walk away, truth, you kept copies of the evidence as you say. If you truly walked away then you would not have a single bit of evidence left that reminds you.

I kept it because I was advised to do so. Why would you destroy evidence?

JudyKayTee · Jun 10, 2012, 03:05 PM

Evidence? Evidence of what? What do you need evidence for? He knows he cheated. You know he cheated. Now you've let his wife know that he's cheated.

Unless this is going to be a lawsuit I don't see the need for evidence.