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sarax7 · Dec 1, 2011, 01:26 AM

I'm 22, I was with my boyfriend for 3 years. We broke up about 4 months ago, haven't heard from him or seen him in those 4 months. I had a new boyfriend for about two but we recently broke up as well. For some reason, I can't stop thinking about my boyfriend of 3 years. I know he's not right for me, I keep myself busy with friends and school, tell myself that it wouldn't be right to get in contact.. but I can't get over him. For some reason, deep down, I feel like we will get back together... and I can't convince myself otherwise. I have no idea how he feels about the situation since we didn't really have any mutual friends and I haven't heard from him. The break up was kind of messy and basically ended with me finding a text in his phone from another girl and then him him finding I hung out with a kid I've always had a crush on (as revenge for the text in his phone).

Any advice on whether I should contact him.. if not, how do I convince myself its over for good?

vanheart · Dec 1, 2011, 02:54 PM

"I know hes not right for me"

Stick with that.

Start looking forward, not behind. You have already lived 4 months w/o him.

My advice is to never contact him again. Forget those thoughts of getting back.

Didn't sound right anyway, with all of the crushes, texts, etc...

Figure out what it is you want want before entering a relationship.

Take as much time as you need.

mmresd · Dec 1, 2011, 04:05 PM

Three years is a long time, and four months is not nearly a long time to get over such a big relationship in your life. Give it more time, you WILL heal, just not that quick. Keep the no contact, keep busy like you have been, and the feelings with die with TIME.

talaniman · Dec 1, 2011, 10:14 PM

Leave him alone, and take a lot more time for yourself to heal, and stay out of relationships until you do.

Just have fun with family friends and activities, and eventually the past will be in the past, and you will feel better.

geminichick · Dec 2, 2011, 06:16 AM

I agree with what everyone has posted here. Four months is not a long time and it will take time to heal from it. Your doing all the right things. Keeping busy with your friends and school and telling yourself not to contact him. What you have to keep reminding yourself is just what you said: "I know he's not right for me"!

Don't rush yourself into relationships your not ready for at this moment in time. You need to be able to heal from this relationship in order to move onto another one. Love can be either very satisfying and fulfilling or it can be heartbreaking. Unfortunately we all go through heartbreak. Trying to contact him would probably more than not lead to more heartbreak and hinder your healing process. It is very hard and it is tempting to contact someone you love very much from a past relationship whom you loved very much but it is for your own emotional well-being to stay away from him. Get rid of your emotional crutches and you will be able to walk freely. If that makes any sense? Thinking about him all of the time instead of trying to do what's most important... looking after you! Being kind to yourself. Don't waste your time thinking about someone who doesn't care about you. When you have healed from this relationship and ready to move on with another you might find the greatest guy in the world who will fulfill all of your dreams and desires. YOu can't if you spend time thinking about this person. Think about it!

rsacid · Dec 2, 2011, 01:31 PM

What you are feeling is loneliness. It will pass, stay occupied with positive events, don't be tempted to contact him because you are lonely. Being alone can help you grow. You should be looking to the future, and when you least expect it a wonderful person will come into your life. When you dwell on the past you cannot see the future.

sillymewiseup · Jun 3, 2012, 04:06 AM

I was with someone for 7 years. He really did love me. He was living with wife for sake of kids but not together. Now that they are not living together he left me also. Says needs to sort self out and be with kids. He keeps in contact with me though.
I know I deserve what has happened but I can not get over it and move on.
Just needed to vent because after seeing him daily and about 10 calls a day, about to be together and then gone.
I can't move on six months down track.
I am an intelligent (apart from this chapter) 40+ attractive person who has grown so much but am caught in this trap.