[betty12390]

Ok hear it goes.My brother has been dating this girl on and off for ten years.She does not treat him right.It's like she will be around a couple of months than gone a couple of months.She leaves him on weekends sometimes.My family and I do not like her. There is this other girl that is interested in my brother which he likes a lot too,How can I convince my brother to move on with his life.I know this will never go anywhere.So any advice will help.

[Romefalls19]

It's really not your place to force anyone to leave someone else. While you can provide advice for your brother, its best to let him make his own choices as he is an adult.

[liz28]

The only thing you can do is have a talk with him about his relationship with his girlfriend, depending on your relationship with one another. But note it is his life and if he had an on and off again relationship with this girl for 10 years don't expect him change. He must want to do it and he must like their relationship because this is unhealthy and childish be happy they're not married.

[Dragonfly1234]

Get him to get on this site and read through some of the threads posted about relationships. If he keeps going back to her because he can't stay away, this place might give him a few tools on how to deal and accept that a relationship will never work. And by reading some of the success stories of people that started heart broken and then met someone new and were happy again.

[ylaira]

You may have that girl seduce him to make him fall in love with her. If that girlfriend finds out, they will fight and break up. Just shut up nagging about his GF and let that girl do her work.

[JBeaucaire]

You can't talk people out of their beliefs and desires. But can just talk to them about life.

YOU: "Hey, Johnny, I've been thinking about my 'dream boyfriend', and I'm trying to pinpoint the kinds of things I should be looking for in a mate. Want to see what I've got so far?"

HIM: "Sure, let's hear it."

You tell him. He'll respond, you'll talk awhile.

YOU: "What about you, what are the things you're looking for in a mate...not general stuff either, the real important stuff?"

Now listen, and praise his good list. The things he says that aren't his ex, point out how good an idea that particular trait is and how it benefits the relationship, then add it to YOUR list. Don't mention the girl, mention the trait only. Do that as much as is possible with his list.

When it's over, walk away. Like it or not, you've just forced him to evaluate his real-life needs in a relationship without talking about one girl, to do it pragmatically. He'll have no choice but to think about how that list applies to her.

A few days later, you can even ask him, "How have the girls you dated so far affected this list? Have they made you want more specific things or less specific things?"

[kminni01]

I guess all you can do is tell him how you and your family feels because it's his decision in the end...

[talaniman]

I am sure over the years everyone has said what they feel, and he ain't listening, so stop talking about it. He is a big boy, and has to do what he wants.

[labyrinth88]

I have a personal experience that I think could be helpful. I have a sister who has been in a similar relationship. I love my sister dearly. We are extremely close (which is rare for siblings). She does some things that aren't the smartest, but she learns from them. One of her best/worst traits is this overwhelming desire to help/fix everyone. She started seeing this one guy who was a loser in my and my parents' eyes. He was a drug dealer but had told her he wanted out and wanted help. (She is not into drugs, by the way). So she was helping by dating him to get him to see that there are better things and a better life out there for him. Well, he was just bad news. I am not usually one to say anything against who she sees. I will take her side especially when fighting with parents because I usually agree with her. However, I did not like this guy... at all. Neither did my parents. My parents would fight with her and I would stay out of it. She was blind when it came to him.

I eventually decided to say something to her about it. I told her very nicely that I did not like him; I did not trust him. She had told me several times that he had been rather rough with her (never abused her or anything, but it scared her). But she just let it slide. I told her that I was concerned for her. He wasn't treating her the way she deserved to be treated. She could do so much better than him. Naturally, she defended him (as your brother will probably do his girlfriend). She was mad at me for a bit, but she got over it. Not long after I had said something to her (probably about a month and a half), she broke up with him.

He may get mad and may act like you're wrong, but trust me, he will be listening. He will take your opinion into consideration, especially if you are close with him. Say that you are concerned. Don't fight with him, just tell him your opinion. He will be mad and defensive, but he will definitely think about it because you are family.

[betty12390]

Thank you all for responding.La how long was your sister dating this guy.

[labyrinth88]

My sister dated him for a total of about 2 and a half years. So there was a little attachment there because of the time, but she was able to let go, thankfully. She also did what your brother is doing. On and off, but there wasn't that much time during the off's. Especially since some of those times she said she had broken up with him even though she was still seeing him to get my parents to leave her alone.

[mishelly3]

I agree with everyone here, don't sit and slam this girl in front of him, talk to him as a sister who cares about her brother.. You love him and I know you don't want to hurt him so take his feeing in to condieration when talking to him. TAlk loving and caring and no other way... Dont judge no one likes to judge or have the girl he likes being slammed by his family, be cool and in a loving way.



Good luckkkkkk