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Lost12 · May 27, 2012, 05:52 AM

My husband and I got married March 23rd of this year and we were happy until I received a text message saying he had a baby by his ex. Before we got married he told me it was a possibility that she was pregnant but he said it wasn't his baby because she already had a boyfriend. Well I have been living with him for 2 months and I found out on my own that she was pregnant from him. I cried all yesterday. My eyes are so swollen. My husband and I weren't together when him and his girlfriend was going out we were broken up for 6 months. Its just very hard that he couldn't tell me he told me "If he would have told me he knew I would have flipped out" which I did. He claim he was waiting on the right time to tell me. Idk what to do. Any help please??

JudyKayTee · May 27, 2012, 06:10 AM

You don't know that he's the father until DNA tests are performed. Has DNA testing been done? (I can't tell if the baby's been born or not.)

This is sad all the way around - he told you that she was pregnant. Maybe he lied about being the father (or thinking he was the father) or maybe that's what he believed.

Can you live with this? Are you more upset about the baby... or him lying (if he did)?

This baby and his/her mother will be part of YOUR life forever. Child support can last until 18 or until the child finishes college. Can you live with that?

Lost12 · May 27, 2012, 06:28 AM

Its really hard finding out on my own. Im so hurt. I want to leave so bad but I don't know :(. Im really on both parts he lied and he got a baby ugh

JudyKayTee · May 27, 2012, 06:37 AM

How do you KNOW it's his baby? How did you find out? DNA testing?

I need more info if you want advice.

Quite frankly, the lie (if it was a lie) would hurt me worse than telling me about the baby.

Lost12 · May 27, 2012, 06:50 AM

Idk if its his baby or not but he said it was. He never told me she was pregnant with his kid he said it was a possibility. I had some people textin my phone telling me he had a baby on the way. I found out myself and he knew all along but didn't tell me I'm devastated.

JudyKayTee · May 27, 2012, 08:16 AM

I wouldn't do ANYTHING until the baby is born and DNA testing is performed. He doesn't know if he's the father at this point. She may not know, either. He told you it was a possibility so it seems you've known all along.

I know it's upsetting to you (and I'd be upset, too) but why is this a surprise when he warned you?

Wait for DNA testing.

Lost12 · May 27, 2012, 09:34 AM

Because he never said anything else to me about it when he moved me from FL to Louisiana.

JudyKayTee · May 27, 2012, 09:56 AM

I'm not understanding you - and it's probably my fault, not yours.

At some point in time he told you there was a possibility his ex-girlfriend was pregnant. I would guess he told you because he might be the father - ? Then you married him and moved from your home in FL to Louisiana and now you find out she IS pregnant (which you already knew) and it's his baby (which no one knows).

I don't see the lie or fraud here. What am I missing?

Would I be upset? You bet I would! Should he have said more about it? Yes, he should have. If this was important to you (and no question it's an important issue in the rest of your life) why didn't you ask him again before/after you got married and moved?

I don't mean to sound like I'm blaming you. I understand your upset but it isn't like you never heard this before.

What have you said to him? I'd tell him exactly what you've been told, how you feel, what you think. He has a lot of explaining to do - or maybe he doesn't.

Is he in contact with the girlfriend? Is that the problem?

I'm not excusing him, but maybe he was afraid to say more for fear you would leave him - a very bad excuse, indeed, but could that be the problem? He mentioned it, you didn't end your relationship, he took a big sigh of relief - and he thought it was over.