[nonameplease]

I'm in 9th grade. I have a small group of friends that I always spend time with, and not many other friends. Most of them are extremely selfless, caring people. One is a different case entirely. I have known this girl since 6th grade. Our friendship has always been rather rocky, as I have never cared about fashion, popularity, or my image in particular. She feels the opposite.
This girl (Allie) was my best friend in 6th, then her family came into a rather large amount of wealth and she became incredibly spoiled. She has spent the rest of the time either talking down to me because I don't wear Abercrombie and don't associate with the more popular students, or occasionally coming to me for moral support when her "in" friends offend her in the slightest. She is also very possessive of her friends, and will often become "best friends" with a popular girl and bragging about their friendship before moving to another "best friend" when the first brings her insecurities to her attention. Allie is extremely insecure because her parents have a hard relationship and she is caught in the middle; both parents want custody. Her mother has moved out of the family home, taking Allie with her, and after almost a year of this the parents have filed for divorce, with her mother receiving full custody. Her only comment on this was "Well, now my father will have to pay me a ton of money in child support, so this is a good thing." Sometimes, Allie tries to assert dominance over me to feel better about herself. She will tell me I'm too immature to be in high school (I'm a year and a half younger than everyone else in my grade), or say various things about my appearance and social status. I don't care what she says, but I pretend I do; this way, she can get over some of her insecurity. I have always been there for her, though. She is depressed, has an eating disorder, and occasionally talks about suicide (My friends and I will convince her not to, though I don't especially believe she would in the first place.)
But back to the problem at hand. Allie is dating another one of my friends (Ben), and says she loves him. They have dated for almost six months now. Ben has a friend (John) that she constantly insults and is rude to. She talks about John and says terrible things in front of him, and if she sees Ben is talking to John, she will refuse to speak to him for a while. This is very upsetting to John, and he often will try to avoid her so as to not hear her insults. However, she always manages to get in his way. She has told Ben multiple times to end his friendship with John, which Ben will not do. She has told him to choose between her or John, and they are dangerously close to separating. Ben could move on, but Allie's depression would probably worsen. I worry about what she would do. Ben has also intervened several times on my behalf when she tries to belittle me, so she blames me partially. I am worried about her, but I don't know what to do. She still considers me a friend, and I would try to help her if she and Ben separate, but I doubt she would take advice. If I told her what she was doing wrong, it would lower her self-esteem even more. So I'm stuck at a crossroads. What do I do?

[Homegirl 50]

You are worried about something that has not even taken place.
One thing you need to stop doing is pretending with her so she can feel better about herself. You are enabling her poor behavior.
If the guy breaks up with her and she wants to talk to you about it, talk to her. In the meantime don't worry about non issues.