[hannahcaudill]

I was with a guy for over three years and during that time he either never watched porn or did a damn good job of hiding it.

Ive been with my current boyfriend for a little over a year and half now. In the early stages of our relationship we found some girls gone wild videos, and I suggested we watch them together. I had never watched any sort of porn before so I was kind of excited. Anyway, it wasn't really my thing so we turned it off and he admitted he didn't really like porn either.

Months later we move in together and I'm at a mcdonalds trying to connect to the internet and it automatically tries to connect to a porn site. I tell myself its probably because of where I am and dismiss it.

Months after that I come home from work open a new tab on my computer and it suggests I go to a porn site. Because it apparently is frequently visited. Now I know for sure. Ive always been open minded, especially sexually, and I know logically its probably not a big deal but I couldn't help being upset. My heart starts racing and my ears get hot... I do what I know is shouldn't and check the history. I watch all the videos he watched. And it just upset me more. Later I confronted him and he gave me the usual, "it doesnt mean anything, has nothing to do with the way i feel about you" thing.

But I just can't be convinced. See, because a month before we moved in together his ex girl friend died. And this is a whole different crazy topic but since then I feel like his want for me died down and that's when he really started watching porn.

I know now that he watched porn almost any time I'm not home. And we have a really good sex life, but I just think it could be better. I always want him. I think I've only said no to him like 2 or 3 times but he's refused me more than I can count. He assures me he loves me and is attracted to me. I just don't get how my sex drive can be so much higher than his. How a guy can turn down an attractive willing and ready woman, and how hed rather watch and masturbate to porn than have sex with me.

I've talked to friends, male and female and they assure me this is normal but I just don't think it is. Maybe I just didn't realize he watched porn before because we didn't live together. Or maybe its because his ex died? Or maybe its because we moved in together. or he really isn't as in to me as I think? I try to be OK with it, maybe it really is normal and I'm just being jealous but it really does upset me.

Recently I've tried watching porn by myself. I figure maybe I'll be OK with it if I do it myself. And even though I do it, I still feel a litty dirty after... and not in a good way. But still I try... im a really sexual person but now when him and I have sex almost all I can think about is porn and it turns me off. Or we'll be into it and then all the sudden one of the phrases he searches, which upset me, pop in my head, or a clip from a video...

Ugh! I know most of this is rambling but this is driving me mad! What do I do? Nothing?

[WisperWill70]

You should trust him when he says that porn has nothing to do with his feelings about you. The flushing, redness and heart-racing anxiety you get about this topic means that on some level you believe that porn= "he is not choosing me" or "I am not the one winning" -- none of this is true. You might also feel a little uncomfortable with him having his own private time because YOU feel negatively dirty about being aroused by watching porn because you have all these conflicting ideas about it.

You might feel better if you let yourself see porn as just a tool to get turned on, get ideas of what you like sexually, and even to bring excitement to the relationship. Think of it as a recipe book. I like to read about food, technology and cars and music - but none of that reading is the same as actually driving, fixing dinner, getting a computer or going to a concert. Remember: you're the main event.

You don't love him less when you've seen porn, you don't wish he was an actor on screen and, other than the times you're wondering if he's thinking about other people... you don't really think about it afterwards! It fits in a very small compartment in your life. You seem to be tempted to watch and guilty/strange feeling about it at the same time. - Maybe if you let go a little bit you might enjoy it or find you can enjoy something together.

His behavior is normal and nothing to be concerned about especially if your sex life and relationship is good (and it seems to be because he communicates with you!) --- if he is spending more "solo" time due to the stress of losing someone he cared about... that too is normal and understandable. You don't need to compete with his dead ex, or the actresses in porn videos...

it's up to you how confident you let yourself feel about the relationship and how much you trust his love and care for YOU . :)

[C0bra_M3nace]

This topic is very touchy, because no one knows what's going on in his head. Porn can be healthy, or toxic to any relationship, it's all perceived on how it directly affects the relationship. If you truly believe that the reason his sex drive is low is because of porn then it is directly affecting your relationship. That is when it becomes a problem.

If it is the problem, think to yourself "Why is he resorting to porn." If this is the case. Maybe he has a secret fetish that he's scared to mention to you in fear of being judged. That was a problem in my case, I had a fetish for high heels (Yeah laugh) I used to watch porn frequently with girls wearing high heels. My girlfriend found my porn and asked me if I liked that sort of stuff and I admitted. Next day we were out shoe shopping, if you know what I mean.

Many reasons porn is used, some guys enjoy the alone time. Some have huge imaginatons and like to use it. MANY reasons, it's up to you to find out which one it really is.

[lthomson3]

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/porn-addiction-is-not-sex-addiction-and-why-thats-important/