[LostGirl_86]

I'm 25 years old and my life has been a mess as long as I can think... I'm not being dramatic or anything I just really need to find a way to get better. When I was to my cousin touched me in inappropriate place... My mom told me about it when I was 15. I grew up watching my dad raping and beating my mother. My dad beat me for the first time about three months ago at the age of 25. I've been married twice. The first husband didn't care and the second one cheated and had anger issues. Me having a seizure disorder didn't help that at all he hit me and flipped out when I had seizures. When he left me last year I couldn't take life anymore. I stopped eating, started cutting myself, started getting panic attacks and sleep around. I was in a institution to get help for 5 months. The cops took me there cause I was a threat to myself they said. I decided to take the chance to get help. I'm still seeing a therapist once a week but now my therapist wants me to start a therapy to learn how to deal with the fact that I've been sexual abused. There many cases like that in my family but no one talks about it. I really don't want to sleep around but I just get so lonely and feel ugly and worthless. If I start an inpatient therapy again I will loose my job that I love so much. It's the only thing that keeps me going. I really don't know what to do... I'm really hoping to get advice that will help here. Thank u guys in advance.

[OFWGKTA]

If I could give you any advice it would be to find someone you can express your emotions and words to and have them give you a non biased opinion. Explain everything and have them give you their advice. But wow honestly that's a lot of ****. (excuse my language) I apologize for the sick, twisted men in this world. It's only getting worse. But I believe in karma and it's a mf .

[DoulaLC]

You know, while it can be difficult to come by a job that you like in these times, you might be better off doing whatever it takes to heal yourself. If it means inpatient support, so be it. There can be other jobs. You may even find that, at some point, you decide to go back to school and work towards a new type of job/career.

If your doctor feels you could also receive the help you need with maybe more frequent outpatient visits, so that you can keep your job, look into that. You might also see if your job will allow you to take some sort of medical leave so that you can return at a later time.


You are wise not to want to sleep around, it may seem like a quick fix for your loneliness, but it won't help your inner turmoil.

Only you can give it some careful thought and make a decision about what it will take to get to the quality of life that you want to have. It may mean making some very difficult decisions along the way, but focus on the goal of healing and having a better life because of it.

[LostGirl_86]

Thank u guys for writing me... It really means a lot to me.

My doctor says even by seeing me three times a week he won't be able to give me the help I need.

As far as my job goes... They know about my issues and have been really patient with me. I was used to cut myself even at work. They sent me on a 6 weeks sick leave earlier this year but told me that this is my last chance.

I really think the reason y I act this way could be a borderline personality disorder. They mentioned in the hospital that could be the reason.

I'm completely overwhelmed by everything and this day isn't going good either. I just keep emotionally and physically ( by cutting ) hurting myself and I don't have the strength to stop it.

[LostGirl_86]

Update on the day... Bad day cops were here to take me to the hospital. Overdosed myself with anti-depressants. Mom was able to talk them out if it. Didn't want to die just wanted to stop my thoughts . It helped but I'm so high now... Not good at all