[confusion94]

When I was young I used to get kicked by my parents sometimes ( not that often but it used to happen like twice a year), however, I don't blame them as they love me and do anything for me now + back then they had my brother and he was a really hard headed boy so probably they used to be angry and I was used as an anger relief... when I grew up I started to get bullied physigollogically not physically though, it happen like with 3 different groups and I never told anyone except my friend. However, after 11 years of friendship even this best friend betrayed me and we haven't talked for nearly two years now. I got in a relationship which lasted over one year and he used to beat me too. I got new friends and stuff now and I am happy with myself, however, each time something upsets me ; like my mum says something cruel or my friends do something mean or a guy treats me wrong, I end up in bed crying really hard and all these past pains always come back to me and make me even more hurt and I keep asking myself why everything has to happen to me. Is this normal that past pains keep on haunting you or I haven't got over them? Thanks! :)

[Homegirl 50]

The past can haunt us at times. It may help if toy did a bit of counseling, talk to someone that can help you work through these feelings so you can stay away from abusive relationships and handle hurt in a better way.

[FirstChair]

You could be depressed and depression always makes relationship conflict harder to deal with. It is unpleasant having bad memories of the past to resurface when going through a bad experience with someone or something in the present. One of the other possible reasons is that you have not had emotional closure to negative experiences in your past and your mind is reliving those bad memories, it's like having an emotional wound that has not healed. . You will always have an emotional scar and you can deal with this, but an emotional wound that has not healed, you might need to speak with a counselor, therapist, church leader or your doctor who might suggest someone professional to help you through it. I would not confide in negative relatives, even if one of those relatives is your mum. Love her and respect her, but you do not have to listen to unkind or condescending comments. When anyone treats you badly, speak up for yourself and be assertive. Being passive by hiding under the covers and crying yourself into a deep depression where sad memories of the past resurface, is not emotionally healthy for you. If you are being aggressive or expressing anger with verbal rude or profane retaliations this is not the answer either. Be assertive by standing up for yourself verbally, when it is safe to do so. Otherwise, disenroll them from your life until if and when you feel emotionally safe around them which might be never. Letting others know that because you respect yourself, you will not listen to anything that does not make you feel good about yourself, except if you do something bad against someone, then it is normal to feel bad and you need to apologize or make restitution and even ask God to help you do better. Tell family or friends you love them, but you are not their victim any longer. If they cannot respect you by speaking to you in a helpful and kind way, then their comments are not wanted. Tell them, 'I want to feel good about myself and you make me feel bad.' You cannot choose your relatives, but you can choose your friends and boyfriends or girlfriends, so choose them wisely. One last important comment, do not allow anyone to put their hands or feet on you a second timed. Get away from them and never go back and mainly this is about a man. When your parents were physically abusive you were a vulnerable young girl, but now you are strong, assertive and capable of making good decisions for yourself. Take care~

[Alty]

The past has a way of sneaking back to haunt us. We all go through it. No one ever completely lets go of their past.

Counseling is a good idea. Let it all out, learn tools to cope with it, and learn to accept that the past is in the past, and doesn't define who you are now, or what you can become.

I had a very tough past, things I try very hard not to think about, but counseling helped a great deal, as did the people on this site.

You do have to learn to let it go, stop looking behind you, and start looking forward. If you keep looking back, you'll trip.

Good luck.