[kloakndagr]

I was with my girlfriend for four years, we talked about marriage and a life in the future. She was recently diagnosed with MS and is in pain all the time. She's on heavy pain meds and is only 29 years old. I am significantly older at 49, but we have a wonderful time together.

She just told me the other day that she isn't happy, doesn't know why she isn't happy and doesn't know how to fix anything. She told me that she is angry at having be diagnosed with MS and that when we first got together she was healthy, she said she feels cheated knowing that her future is unknown. I told her that the day she was diagnosed with MS I would be by her side no matter what and that was perfectly happy with the relationship as it is with her MS and all.

I told her that maybe she may be depressed due to the medication (Avinex) and (methadone) for pain and that she should seek the help of a therapist as she cannot deal with this depression alone. She went to see a therapist and after 1 hour was told that she wasn't depressed, and could not get medication for the depression. The therapist told her that she was unhappy and that she needed to make the changes necessary in her life to become happy.

She told me that she wanted to breakup and move out on her own to find out why she isn't happy and see. She told me that she loves me with all her heart and didn't want to hurt me with dealing with her MS and her pain. I told her that I only wanted to make sure that she was happy, and that if being about is what would make her happy that I would support whatever she decided. I did not want to break up but I also didn't what to see her unhappy and confused. I am willing to give her all the space she needs.

She told me that it's not another guy, she doesn't want to date anyone, but feels that she is stuck in a unhappy situation. I think she is angry with having the MS, feels cheated in life and doesn't want to drag me down with her (Her words).

My question is this. I love her with all my heart and only want her to be happy. I told her that I hope she finds what she is looking for and that should she ever need anything I would be there. I assured her that I was not unhappy with the relationship and would be there for her no matter what.

We've been together for 4 years, she was the woman I left a unhealthy relationship (marriage of 23 years) very ugly divorce. We've been together 24/7, moved in together. Is this a break to find herself and what she wants? Is my giving her the space the right thing to do? I don't want to feel needy but I love her with all my heart and saw a future, as we both talked marriage and I just finally got my divorce paperwork signed after 2 years.

I've been all over the internet and the majority suggest to cool it off and cut contact. Since she wanted the break, I think this is the best (not what I want to do) but I respect her wishes. On a final note, she told me that she didn't know if being alone after moving out would make her happy, but that she had to find out why she isn't happy and that this may be the fix.

I sure hope she wasn't feeling guilty of MS in our relationship, I really did not have a problem with it and did what I could to make her comfortable. I do love her very deeply. What should I do? Please advise. Thank you.

[Fr_Chuck]

No real counselor is going to tell her that she is just "unhappy" after one hour. Are you sure she even went to one, At one hour they would just be getting her to talk, would not have reviewed her medical history. Was this a real licensed counselor ? Sorry this is not how counseling works, and if it involved you, normally they would have brought you in latter after a few weeks perhaps.

Sounds more like she went somewhere did not like what happened and came back with a made up story. ** sorry I may be totally wrong, but the one hour story is just not believable.

[Wondergirl]

I agree with Fr_Chuck. This is not how counseling works--that the counselor would "diagnose" during the first session. I too wonder if there even was a meeting with a counselor. If anything, your girlfriend could have said she's feeling depressed because of x, y, and z, and the counselor may have said, "You certainly sound unhappy." And yes, you would be invited to a session or two in the future. Oh, and I AM a counselor.

Why can't you be part of the solution, to help her figure out why she is unhappy and what to do about it? Isn't that what mature couples do--work together, not break up?

Is she going back to the counselor? Ask if you can go with her.

[Chardel]

Yeah.. that kind of advise after one hour with a total stranger is very unlikely. That being said... I do feel that she has reached a level with her illness where she can't pretend that it does not exist anymore... She is probably angry with the world and everything in it right now, probably a little scared, a lot frustrated and yes depressed in a desperate sort of way... She is running, not from you per se, just running. Until she figures out that she is running from something that could bring her happiness, support and comfort in the face of her illness you will just have to be patient. I have fibromyalgia, it is progressive too and with each progression, until I learn how to deal with it in my own self I tend to push everyone away from me... I isolate myself just to prove to myself that I can still "do this". Yes I feel that my family, and my husband are suffering because of the things I can't do anymore and yes I feel guilty about that for a while but I get over it and move on... Hopefully your girlfriend will figure herself out soon.

[talaniman]

I smell a rat myself and think she is using this MS as a reason to break up. Sorry guy, you better just back off and see what happens, because if she goes to these lengths to get her freedom, she must really want it.

Most MS medications carry depression as a side effect, and when combined with methadone, can be very depressing, but I am no doctor. I do know that doctors are extremely careful with anti depressants and MS medications.

I think she wants out, for wherever reasons, so give it to her without fanfare, or drama. Looks like you have your own healing to do, GOOD LUCK!

[Homegirl 50]

I agree with taliniman. I think she wants out of the relationship and used that as an excuse. You're best served to leave her alone. Perhaps she wants to be with someone closer to her own age or find her own way through this illness. At any rate, leave her alone. Find some peace in your life now that our divorce is final. Spend some time finding yourself.