[wolfman30]

My ex has sent mixed signals over the last few weeks. We spent 2 years together.
It was great.She has a son, and we all bonded like a proper little family. I loved them both. She always had issues of insecurity, most appeared to be related to a emotionally abusive ex husband who she still had to see because of the little boy. We always worked through this. My life was very busy with work and travel, she began to act immaturely with her friends and neighbours. Getting drunk, people coming and going, children and dogs running around the house.
All these little issues seemed to push us apart. Our communication should have been better to act on this earlier, but the relationship ended with all of us getting hurt.

For a few months after we occasionaly saw each other as friends, both clearly wanting to have each other back but never talking about these feelings and what we wanted. Eventually I plucked up the courage to phone her and fix things, we cried and agreed about what went wrong but she had got someone else, had introduced her 6 yr old and didn't want to confuse him.
So we agreed to leave it, I gave her all my best and cut all contact.

Three months later she texts me to say she has been thinking about us, I have a special place in her heart etc. After a few more texts we spoke, and she talked about how things went wrong, she is moving away from the bad neighbourhood, improved herself, apologised and that her new relationship wasn't good. They argue, he doesn't get on with the little boy, she is trying to see less of him etc, but doesn't want to hurt him as he is younger.

She wanted to see me, but seems confused. She finished with this guy but he cried and pleaded and she took him back through guilt. Appears she went with him to help her bruised ego, they had fun etc, but have little in common.Eventually she plucked up the courage to say she wants me back, made a mistake etc but was worried that if we want back and it went wrong. We would be hurt again, especially the son.

My advice was to follow her heart and do what she wants, not worry about others getting hurt. She says that she will sort this out, and if it wasn't for this situation she would come straight back. That all she adored me and would have given me everything. That was over a week ago, I have heard nothing since... I have just started dating someone else, but would start again with my ex if given a clear chance.

Any ideas just what is going on?

[talaniman]

She is feathering her next nest before she leaves this one. She is rebounding from you, to another, back to you. Its more like bouncing around because she is the type to need a man in her life.

Stop and think, who gets back with someone because they cried? She is dishonest, not confused, and you are falling for this crap blindly. If she were honest, she wouldn't be going behind this new guys back, and she probably was going behind your back with him before.

She NEEDS a relationship, and you are safe. But time will tell, and when the arguments begin you will know its going to hurt all over again. She has a lot of past baggage to deal with my friend before she is a good healthy partner. I don't think changing neighborhoods, or partners is her answer.

[indya]

Don't go back to her. She's clearly making a selfish move to secure her present. I am sure if you take her break the same problems will resurface.

You say you've begun dating again, stick to it. Move on, no point taking life in reverse gear, because this time it will be much more painful than last time.

[wolfman30]

She has since left this guy and moved both herself and her son into a new house. She is busy with work and settling in. She says it would be nice to be a friend and in the future see how it goes with us, meet up etc, and that she wouldn't want me to be a rebound guy. Although she has gone very quiet again. I tend to agree, she see's a relationship as a way of fixing her issues. She really has to fix herself before she finds anyone else, even if it's not me. I smell a rat, I can't be a fall back guy for anyone. So I've cut all contact and I'm getting on with life.

[wolfman30]

My ex girlfriend decided to get in touch after being involved with someone else. It didn't work out and she came back to me, then rang to say 'it's all over again, I can't get over the past... goodbye'

I feel stupid and angry for letting this happen, but I guess I saw the good side and believed in second chances and that she had changed and matured...

Has anyone seen this happen or had a successful second of third chance?

[Fr_Chuck]

Third chances have a less chance of success than a second. Try to learn.

[talaniman]

I have seen many people try this back and forth crap, and few, very few have made it work. They continue to go back and forth.

Personally, once I get dumped, I'm GONE, as just once is quite enough. So NO, never been stuck on someone that's not as stuck on me. Give some one different the opportunity to dump you!

[mmresd]

It is time to move on and stop playing her games. It seems as if she uses the son as an excuse to keep you at ease but seemingly interested. Call her bluff and move on.