[toto99ah]

I am so very severely overwhelmed.
I had just been recently left, abandoned, and dumped by some short guy whom , in February 2012, I had met at Bloomindale's (he worked there). The first time we'd met, February 2012, he'd falsely promised("promised") to call.
Only a couple times he came to the house, in Northridge, California, where I did and do(unhappily) reside, alone(by myself and alone, as always) to see about 2 computers that I had bought, we had unsatisfying "sex, " and he left.
On Valentine's Day he never once contacted me, let alone did a single thing for me.
The day after Valentine's, he came over, as uncaring of me as ever, and we had more unsatisfying "sex." Then, later when I woke him up, he too quickly bolted from the house, left and abandoned me, dumped me(with absolutely) no closure or completion.
Recently, in this month of April 2012, via another sleazy computer internet on-line site, I met another man(tall, approximately 43 years old) man by the name of G.
We met at a cafe/market in Canoga Park , California in the evening.
I had really desired for him to arrive with a car and pick me up , but he said he had his motorcycle and so he never did pick me up.
And, as usual, but even more so, as my time runs out to have a child of my own, I was desperate. So,(unhappily), I met him at the café.
When I walked in, I sensed that he was disappointed. He did not so much as stand up as I walked in the café. I had worked very hard on my appearance(everyone has always said that I'm pretty and have a killer body. I don't know. I do know I am petite, though ). And I was very upset that he was disappointed at seeing me. I was offended and hurt.
During the date, he talked a lot and I did laugh for some time. It was nice. I wasn't really attracted, but I hoped he'd ask me out again.
We closed the place down.
But then he seemed to rush me out of there. He never kissed me or invited me to go out again. He lied that he'd "like to see" me in the near future and then, without a kiss, sent and rushed out of there.
That evening he sent a phone text, claiming that he had not wanted the evening to end. But after that, not one day later and not two days later I never ever was contacyed by him ever again.
This dumping and non-contact has always happened to me by men. But I have stillnever gotten used to any of it and am still offended and enraged.
I was so enraged, that, on the second day, I phoned Guy G. and told him exactly that I had known that he had been disappointed by my appearance, the other night, and that it was so very , very mean of him to rush me away and lie that he'd "like to see" me in the near future, when , in reality, he never wanted or desired me and did not want to see ever again. He lied that that wasn't true.
He phone me and texted some invitation. I felt that he did not mean the invitation and only felt obligated. But I was so very desperate and lonely, that I accepted.
That Friday I met him at a Starbucks coffee shop. He claimed he did wish to see me again. We talked and laughed. I gave him and "it" a chance.
I, the most always-hurt person, gave it another chance. I mad myself open to him. I went along with him.
The next day he asked me to drive all the long , hard way to West Los Angeles( he was totally unwilling to drive his car to The San Fernando Valley to pick me up or see me) to meet him at The Grove mall. I did not wish to drive all that way, but I did so anyway, to again compromise.
We did some shopping, had some lunch, talked about our disfunctional "family" problems, et cetera. I really stared to feel attached to him. And he made all sorts of claims such as (supposedly) how much he "liked" me and wished to be with "only" me,and that he, too, wished for a real relationship and to stay with just one person and to have children and a family and all that. And that he'd not text me impersonal texts that I disliked, but would always phone me and be with me.
That day, he tried very , very persistently to get me to his apartment and claimed he wished to intriduce me to his old neighbor, Gloria, and so on. But I told him that I was unwilling to have sex with him unless we got to know each other more and maybe have something real.
Keep in mind that I did not ask him to say these things---he said the all himself.
That evening, via phone, I told him that, in order for sex to happen, I'd wish for a monogamous relationship and for him to first get tested and show me that he had no disease.
The next day, contrary to his promises, he never ever phoned me. He again sent me some impersonal , uncaring text.
I was so very enraged. I hoped and hoped that he would phone me. But he never did so much as phone me.
I mean, after all he had said, especially about hin knowing how I felt about texts, and all, I'd think he'd at least call.
I, very anxiously, waited until the next morning. I phoned him and again angrily told him how upset I was. But he pretended he didn't know the reason. Again, he asked me to see him. I only saw him again because an emergency came up. He actually came(via his motorcycle) to the Valley that evening.Then we started back up again.
Again, I started to become attached to him again. I apologized for past reactions and I thanked him.
But, the next day, he was back to not at all being willing to drive over , with any car, to see me. He said he had work to do . He told me to drive(all the long, hard way), to Hollywood, to his apartment.
I told him I'd drive over(though, inside, I felt unhappy to drive all the hard way again), but would not have sex and wished to wait to see if anything developed. He claimed that he'd "behave."
When I got there, he made me tea, we walked around the roads, we talked, laughed, I thought we had a great time.
But when Iwe got back to his apartment, he was all over me and all he talked about was when we would get to that point and do it. I told I wished to hear him talk to me more about himself and share anything he was willing to.I told him, in a great and positive way, that I wanted to know him and that I was very interested and that I did,'t want to be just any girl. He briefly talked about a past divorce(when I asked if he was over her, he said he most definitely was) and a broken engagement after that(he claimed he was over that, too) and a brief dating stint. But he was not too willing to talk too much about himself. And, to my much further disappointment, he never ever asked me anything and never showed any interest in me or how I felt or any caring at all.
But I was very upbeat that night and laughed and was positive.
The next morning, he never did introduce me to his old neighbor, Gloria. Even when Gloria passed by, he hid me an never introduced me. I was so very hurt. But I did not wish overreact.
Then, he told me not to forget any of my stuff. He let me go to my car. He never asked to see me again. He said, "bye Babe." But he never asked when or if we'd see each other again. I was diappointed.
Yes, this was all so early, in having met each other. But he's the one who had made all those proclamations and claims and declerations. And that is why I had so expectations. I was unfortunately into him, but also left feeling empty at the same time. I was so miserable.
That evening he phoned a couple times. I was out, so did not pick up. But I was so glad he'd phoned. I phoned him back the next morning and I put myself out there and said I was glad he'd phoned. I acted very upbeat and positive. But he only talked about all the things he was going to do, since it was Friday.He never asked why I did not pick up last evening or what I was going to do today. He said maybe he'd see his buddy tonight. But then he said he and I could go out and claimed he'd phone me later to arrange to go out. I was honest and again gently asked him if he could fix his car battery to come pick me up, because I'd wish to go on a real date with him and get to know him more. He claimed: "Oh, sure!"
Then he said he was busy and had to go.
I was feeling unsettled.
I phoned him again. Gently, I asked if he'd mind if I asked a question---was there a reason he had not introduced me to Gloria yesterday morning?
He claimed it was because she was old and not feeling well. I said "ok," and I let it go. Then I put myself out there again and talked about how I really wished to meet someone whom wanted the same things as me, such as a real relationship, maybe a child someday, caring, et cetera. But suddenly he attacked me and yelled that if I was breaking up with him again, the to just do it and get it over with. I was blown away. I very gently said that I was not at all doing so, that I was actually trying to open to him and share and see if he wished the same things, is all.
He suddenly said that it was way too , too early for all that and that I was pushing things and that he didn't know me enough, and so on.
Wow.
I was again blown away. And I knew it was over.
He repeated that I should just let things happen naturally and not aver-analyse.
That night he broke his promise to phone me to go out. He never ever phoned me. I already knew that he would not phone me.
He phoned the next morning to claim that he'd been busy and his phone had been "out of range." He said some stuff about a hot day, so on. And he was very general. He never ever asked to see me. He made no comment. He never contacted me again.
I don not even have closure. I know its over, but don't have closure.
I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LENGTH.But I wrote it all so you all have backround on me.
I know it's over with guy G.
BUT WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS WHAT DO U ALL THINK OF THIS GUY G?
Guy G is all I want to know. Please be brutally honest and tell me where I went wrong and what have u.
ALSO, TELL ME WHAT U ALL THINK ABOUT THIS GUY G.
PLEASE BE DETAILED.

[kayco123]

A gentleman is a gentleman. Sounds like this guy is a ***. Your looking for love to quickly. You can't force love otherwise, its not true love. Loneliness makes you desperate. Which results in ridging things. You WILL find someone:)

[toto99ah]

A gentleman is a gentleman. Sounds like this guy is a ***. Your looking for love to quickly. You can't force love otherwise, its not true love. Loneliness makes you desperate. Which results in ridging things. You WILL find someone:)

Than u Kayco!
But I am 42 years old and desperately want to have a child.
And YES! I know I'm desperate and that desperation is what makes it bad.
But in being desperate, I met this guy that for some sick reason, I am very "INTO," and cannot (for now) get over.

[kayco123]

Girls are into *******s. That's how it goes. I've never understood that but make sure if you want a child, that the father of the child CAN and WILL take care of both if you.

[talaniman]

Please stop being so in a hurry that it makes you desperate. That's the problem, you are looking to satisfy a clock and miss the whole point of dating.

Take your time, and get better results, or at least have more fun. You have to see your full steam ahead approach is a real bummer. Your methods and expectations are unreasonable, and you allow yourself to get into a guy way to fast.

Get off those on line dating sites, and get into activities that allow you freedom, enjoyment, and social mixing, so you can take your time with guys and make friends instead of likely candidates to impregnate you.

Come on you have to see you have reality, and BU********IT, all mixed up! So get rid of the BS, and get real.

Dump this guy G, he ain't into you, just wants you to bring your a$$ to him to play with it. If you weren't so desperate, or in such a hurry, you would see that.

Stop chasing guys why don't you. Pursue happiness, and be real with people and drop this "having a baby, and family" crap. You do better going to a clinic and get pregnant through other means than make any joker who hangs around long enough a baby daddy.

Then at least you won't have to listen to the lies men tell for quick sex, and have to go through the worse sex you ever had part. That's a bummer too. So stop it!

You wanted it straight, you got it! Hope you listen.

[toto99ah]

EVERYTHING u said is THE TRUTH.
But if I was willing to follow the truth, then I could stop this effing insanity.
I guess what I want to know is WHY he said all these things when he already KNEW HOW I WAS AND WHAT I expected?
I called him, told him off and he could have left it at that----SO WHY DID HE KEEP ASKING ME OUT AFTER THAT AND NOT LIVING UP TO WHAT HE, ALL BY HIMSELF, PROMISED?
And no, I want to get pregnant the natural way.
But I do agree fully, because u tell tell the truth.
I just want to know, then, why he did all these things, when he didn't have to? I mean, he had his out, then why didn't he take it in the very beginning?
And why did he try to have sex with me when he already had been told where I stand with that sex thing?

[talaniman]

Because he knew what you wanted, and he knew what HE wanted, and any guy will go along for a while on the chance to get in your pants. Not his fault. He is what he is, a bow wow (dog). You must be kind of cute with a nice BODY! But lets not forget it was you who went back for more based on false hope, and very premature and unreasonable expectations.

You saw what you wanted to see, and it was not an accurate picture. You do better advertising for a sperm donor, because you will never find a soul mate using the desperate approach, and opening yourself to be used by guys who have no interest in anything but getting in your drawers.

Like the G guy.

Hold out for a guy with dignity class, and stone honest with you. Your future child will love you for it.

[toto99ah]

You're very wise---and these the answers I already know.
But I guess I'm the one who can't face reality----which is why I posted here to begin with.
It's BEEN over---he never contacts me. Yeah, I know it.
But, just for my own eff of it, hell of it, whatever,
Should I just call(when he will finally answer, which I suspect is slim to none), and say something like:
"I guess it just didn't work out, but good luck to u"?
Only to have that closure for myself?

[talaniman]

Acceptance is closure, so let this go as prolonging the agony does nothing good. You bring closure to yourself, and not depend on him giving it to you.

Better write a letter, read it a day later, and burn it, UNSENT.

[toto99ah]

And here's the of it:
He's NOT even attractive.
He's some guy(a production manager on films) whom I met from a sleazy site on line(yeah, I already know. But remember: when I go out, no one approaches me, even when I try to seem approachable).
I've met many s on line for a date who never called back. I was angry with them, too.
But this one, even though I felt no great connection to him, that first time, bothered me that HE didn't call back. So 2 days later I called him and told him off. End? Should've been(At least I shoul've let it go). But then HE called back after that, asking me out. My desperate went to meet him again. He told me he liked my feistiness.
That next day we met again(but this time I had to drive all that way to meet him).
He was open and shared things about his dysfunctional family. I felt a connection. We talked a lot.
But the next day, SUDDENLY, he was back to non-com. What? Just the night before we had a great phone conversation. He brought up sex. I told him to get tested, show me results. I told him I wanted monogamy. He had no response to the test. But for monogamy, he said he's always had "monogamous" sex. Ok. Next day? No phone call. Just a text. That's it. Huh?
So got angry again. The next day I calmly called him and told him to read his email where I'd left a nasty messege(my mistake, yes.).
He went back to again calling and calling. I wrote him off.
But that night my dog was lost and injured. I panicked and called him. He said he'd come over---he insisted. He came and walked my dog.
And get this: He walked my dog while telling me that, earlier that day when I'd been NASTY and again broken up with him, he'd(supposedly) gone back to ourold meeting place and had seen something that reminded him of me, and he had a feeling he's se me again. He "just knew it." So then he pulled out a bracelet he'd bought for me.
So with all this, I thought it was too muchof an effort just to get free sex, when he couldve gotten sex from other women. So I felt a thing for him. I thought maybe just maybe he cared a bit. So I gave him another chance. And we never fought or even so much as disagreed again.
That night he got home and called and said that he wanted a commitment. I said don't rush. But he insisted.
Then the next day he made a date with me---I said I'd love to go out with him. I asked him to pick me up. He said he's call me back with details. But later he called to say he had a new assignment and had to cance. I said okay and that I missed him.
He said I should drive to his place and watch t.v. while he worked on the assignment, then later we'd take a walk and that he'd haveme spend the night---and that he'd totally behave.
I drove over. He was already done with the assignment. We too k a walk, talked, laughed. We got back to his apartment. He was constantly all over me. All he talked about was sex---when we got to that point, blah, blah. I told him I wanted to talk with him, SHARE, connect, and that I cared for him. He wasn't too open . And he NEVER asked me about myself.
The next morning, he tried to "just cuddle" with me in his bed. I told him no sex talk. But he kept making sex jokes and sex talk. Later, I noticed and was hurt that when GLORIA walked by, he never introduced me. I said nothing. He then told me to make sure I got all my stuff. I said I did. He said he meant "nothing by that, just trying to help..."
I went to my car. He went inside before I even drove off.
He called later. The next day he said he was going to an Earth day event to volunteer. He said to "drop by" if I wanted.
That's when I gently told him that I, too, like him wanted a real relationship, A child someday, etc. He blew up at me, saying that if I was again breaking up, the just do it!
I said, God, No, I'm just opening up, that's all. He said I was rushing things(all of a sudden. Didn't he want a "commitment" that other night when he walked my dog when I was having a crisis?).
Since then, he disappeared.
Yeah, he's already left the building. I just don't know why I'm SO VERY HURT.

[Nelvis86]

You should straight up stop dating online... if u don't, you'll end up lifeless, pregnant from a random guy, and ruined. TRUST ME! My family was built off that...

[toto99ah]

I know, but, like I said, no one ever approaches me when I go out

[talaniman]

Where do you go out to be approached?

[toto99ah]

Everyday places---Starbucks, lunch, so on

Where do you go out to be approached?

Did u read my last response to u---the long one---before this one?

[talaniman]

Yes I did, and it reminded me of the old song "Ball of Confusion", and the starting lyrics, "round and around we go, where we end up at, no body knows",

I think you are a victim of your own actions, and approach, as I said before.

Have you no social life that you enjoy? Have you no hobbies or activities that bring you around people to share with? What makes you think dating on a sleazy dating website will bring you a soul mate? Worse, why settle for some one who you are barely attracted to, or mentally and emotionally unconnected with?

What's in your past that makes you so desperate now, as opposed to before?? Even worse, why you would hold onto the sleazeballs you get so quickly involved with? That's the biggest thing. You seem to ignore obvious red flags with your approach, and your choices.

Have you no female friends or friends at all? Family?

[toto99ah]

I don't have any freinds---Ive been unwilling to pursue friends because I feel my time is running out to have a child, so I need to hurry to find someone. I'm 42-43 years old(though I suppose I don't look it, but I AM that old).
I feel I've put EVERYTHING on hold. In this process of desperation, I DO become involved with sleaze balls----the latest whom I can't get over and am hurt by. That's right(ur right), I'm not feeling a connection to him(though I was feeling connected to him when he rushed over when I was having that crisis with my dog---but that's long history).
I'm actually stalking him, now. He never never invited me to his Facebook world, but I have looked him up and everyday now I check his page and monitor it. I'm pathetic. I did try calling him today---he never answered. I' know he knew it was me. But he avoided my call(when we first met he never did that).
I swear, I'm feeling desperate to have a child and on the verge. Yet I'm also feeling obsessed with this a-hole.

[toto99ah]

Yes I did, and it reminded me of the old song "Ball of Confusion", and the starting lyrics, "round and around we go, where we end up at, no body knows",

I think you are a victim of your own actions, and approach, as I said before.

Have you no social life that you enjoy? Have you no hobbies or activities that bring you around people to share with? What makes you think dating on a sleazy dating website will bring you a soul mate? Worse, why settle for some one who you are barely attracted to, or mentally and emotionally unconnected with?

Whats in your past that makes you so desperate now, as opposed to before??? Even worse, why you would hold onto the sleazeballs you get so quickly involved with? thats the biggest thing. You seem to ignore obvious red flags with your approach, and your choices.

Have you no female friends or friends at all? Family?

Read my reply which I accidentally posted separately.

[toto99ah]

Yes I did, and it reminded me of the old song "Ball of Confusion", and the starting lyrics, "round and around we go, where we end up at, no body knows",

I think you are a victim of your own actions, and approach, as I said before.

Have you no social life that you enjoy? Have you no hobbies or activities that bring you around people to share with? What makes you think dating on a sleazy dating website will bring you a soul mate? Worse, why settle for some one who you are barely attracted to, or mentally and emotionally unconnected with?

Whats in your past that makes you so desperate now, as opposed to before??? Even worse, why you would hold onto the sleazeballs you get so quickly involved with? thats the biggest thing. You seem to ignore obvious red flags with your approach, and your choices.

Have you no female friends or friends at all? Family?

I just went back to his Faceboook page.
I remember when we were together, he showed me all thr great photos he'd taken on his phone. He's talented in photography. I pointed out a pic I really liked---I said it was one of my favorites. A tree with...
I just saw that it's his new cover photo on Facebook. Wow. Jerk.
He never ever invited me to his Facebook world. But my fave pic is his new cover shot there. Jerk. Yet I still feel obsessed. I feel no love or anything for him, because he showed all he could think of was sex, AFTER we had talked so much about kids, family, etc. and he new how I was.
But for some effing reason I'm obsessed.
BTW: Today, via text, I just got dumped by some other guy I was dating, whom I was not into. I didn't tell him I wasn't into him. But last night I called him and said I didn't know if we were going in the same direction, as I wanted a small family, real relationship, and so on and I was not sure if he wanted the same. He said he did. I then slightly mentioned how everyone's been hurt and I'm sure he can empathize. He said yes, of course and thanked me for opening up. Then this morning he dumped me. I don't care about him. But now I'm really all alone.
PLEASE, PLEASE HELP ME. PLEASE.

[talaniman]

I think you are out of control emotionally, and need to get that control back. Stop juggling guys, you are lousy at it, and find calm in everyday life, and some happy healthy adult activities with good frinds, and new ones.

Leave the fellows alone, and be happy alone for a while.

[toto99ah]

I think you are out of control emotionally, and need to get that control back. Stop juggling guys, you are lousy at it, and find calm in everyday life, and some happy healthy adult activities with good frinds, and new ones.

Leave the fellows alone, and be happy alone for a while.

I AM out of control. WAY out of control.
I know what you said about closure.
But I called him anyways---and he avaoided my calls. I kept calling. I even called from a different number.
He texted me that he was too busy.
I waited and called and called.
He told me I was stalking him and that its over.
I texted back that I already KNEW its over, but to just answer my call because I want closure, that's all and he can hang up.
But he kept ignoring my calls.
I called and called.
He answered that his next call would be to the cops.
I really was out of control----No other stupid B would be hung uo on this big oaf and unattractive jerk. But I was hung up becaiise I wanted closure. Yes I 'm going to a counselor, but its not helping at all.
PLEASE help!!
My period started way too early, I'm a train wreck like never before, I need help!