[Jennabean678]

New to this :)

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now. He's been a liar ever since the beginning. Lol. I can't stand to be lied to so I don't know how we've gotten this far. But anyway, we are both very jealous and I feel there is no trust. I certainly don't trust him. I know "you can't have a relationship without trust." But that's what I'm trying to work on.

Well, like I said we are both very jealous. He doesn't want me to talk to any guys and I feel insecure when he talks to other girls. Idk but somehow it became a "rule" to our relationship. And when he breaks it, he feels like it's a dumb rule I came up with. Which I feel it is a dumb rule, I just really don't want him talking to his ex. I wouldn't have a problem with it if he didn't lie to Me constantly, or the conversations were innocent. I just want to trust him, but I feel that will never happen.

Since the beginning, he's lied to me about talking to her. Here we are three years later and he just lied to me again. I'm not just assuming either, Like I said I can't stand to be lied to so I go to extreme lengths to find the facts. And I've told him time after time I will leave him if he talks to her again. And he always does.

So I'm like okay your friendship, or whatever you want to call it, is more important than being with me. I'm tired of being put second to her. I really do love him and want to make things work, but I don't want to be a fool for him. I know he loves me too.

We stay together and have been trying to get pregnant, but having problems. I've been depressed about it for two years now, an the only time he acknowledges it is when we are fighting and he blames me. He has to love me to Want to make a child with me right? But why can't he leave her alone? I've tried everything and I'm really fed up at this point.

Please people give me your thoughts, advice, and experiences. And thank you for the time you've taken out to read about my problem.

[DoulaLC]

Hi Jennabean678,

I have a question for you. If your best friend came to you and shared the same story, what would you tell her?

If she said that she certainly didn't trust her boyfriend, and that he doesn't trust her, that they were horribly jealous of each other, to the point of not allowing the other to talk to the opposite sex, that he has lied to her from the start and that it was one thing she really hates, that she threatens to leave him time and time again when he does something she doesn't like, but he continues to do it anyway and lies about it, that he blames her for not getting pregnant... what would you say to her?

I'd ask... why are you with him? You can't stand being lied to, he has lied to you from the start, and you laugh about it? Perhaps that is nervous laughter?

Sure you may love him, but that doesn't mean he is a good partner for you. Maybe it is more that you are just comfortable with each other, after all, you have been doing the same dance for three years.

If you can't trust him, and don't think you ever will, you are doomed to always be wondering whether he is being honest with you. Is that what you want for the rest of your life??

Look at what you have written here. Why do you think it is going to change?

To be very blunt... you should not be thinking of having a baby with him (what a mistake that would be... then you would have a child caught up in all the distrust and jealously as well). You should be thinking about how you can move on and allow yourself to find someone whom you can actually have a mature, loving, HONEST relationship with.

At the very least, if you feel that for some reason you must stay together, get counseling before you become pregnant. Get your relationship sorted out and healthy before you think about bringing a child in to the mix. A baby will only add more stress to your relationship at this point. If you truly love each other, as you believe that you do, then both of you should be wanting to do all that you can to work at making things right.

If he doesn't feel there is a need to change anything or that he doesn't need to be a part of working at it, that will tell you just how strong of a relationship you have.

[Jennabean678]

Thank you for your advice and honesty, it was greatly needed.

[talaniman]

You better sort your issues out before you get pregnant because if every day life is so hard, it will not be a great environment for raising a child. I mean who wants a kid by a liar, who keeps his ex around?

[Stellaw]

Insecurity is clearly the issue here. If you feel insecure then jealousy comes next. He just got tired of the jealousy thing that's why he tried hiding things from you, that's why he lied. Spend more time with yourself, that could lessen your insecurities a little.