[NegaSlasher]

Hey guys,

So this is kind of complicated and I'll try to keep it as short as possible.

This was a LDR and I started with this girl about 10 months ago, I was able to make her my girlfriend, and it was great for a long time and she told me she loved me a lot and that I'm the perfect boyfriend and she was incredibly scared to lose me. We couldn't see each other often because it was a 2 hour drive, so we only did once in a while.

Now, the sad part is that, I started to fall for her more and more, and I started becoming needy and basically got jealous of everything she did. Basically I kept trying to spend time with her all the time and didn't give her space I guess because I thought it would make her happier. I would get mad even if she went out with some friends, it got pretty sad on my part, and she even wanted to break up sometimes and told me that it was better when we were friends. Whenever that happened, I stupidly said that I'd change back to how I was and now that I think about it, it was pathetic. I know it was wrong to let her walk all over me like that but it just happened. I know I was also wrong to become so desperate, needy and jealous.

So, I know I F'ed up, and she recently just said that she wants to break up with me and she's thought a lot about it. Although, I'm not sure, she might have found another boyfriend that was actually a friend in the past (who I kept getting jealous of). I didn't want to beg her like an idiot again, so I basically told her OK, and that I hope she'll be happy and I wouldn't let her step on me anymore. We primarily chatted via MSN, so I blocked her on that and haven't been in contact since. Not sure if that was the right thing to do. I want to work on improving this jealousy problem that I had and not let it happen again, but I really hope that I can make it work again.

Basically, I want her back. I really do, I made mistakes, and so did she, but I want her back. If I keep begging her to come back, I'm afraid I'll lose her completely. I'm thinking of using the Ex^2 System, which is basically doing no contact as others recommend. I want to know if this will work. It's been quite a few days since I talked to her, I basically want to know how I can get her back. I'm not really a person out for sex, and I wanted a serious relationship with her. I know there may be better women out there, but I really want to work on getting her back. I mean, it went from an amazing relationship that we both enjoyed, to arguments over silly things, sometimes caused by me, sometimes by her.

So, I ask you people, how can I get her back? Also since I don't see her in real life anymore because of the long distance, so it seems that it might be that much harder. I don't have Facebook either, and I blocked her on MSN for now, and I'm really trying to cope with the stress right now and trying to better myself if I can but it's hard. It's freaking hard.

Sorry for the long read, I hope someone can read it and give me some advice! I really could use some! Thanks in advance!

[Wondergirl]

No Contact is NOT to get her back, but to allow you to heal, and then move on into new relationships.

Are you past needy, jealous, and desperate -- and will never manifest those characteristics again?

[NegaSlasher]

I am going to work on making those better. I really and truly am. Can there by any hopes of her coming back to me? The new me, possibly the one that she fell in love with in the first place?

[Wondergirl]

I am going to work on making those better. I really and truly am.

How are you going to make those better? How long will that take?

[NegaSlasher]

Well, I can't answer that because I don't know really, but I have to try. I don't know how long it will take but I will work on it as long as it takes. Then when I'm ready as a new and improved person, maybe?

[Wondergirl]

Well, I can't answer that because I don't know really, but I have to try. I don't know how long it will take but I will work on it as long as it takes. Then when I'm ready as a new and improved person, maybe?

Yes, a much more centered, self-respecting person will emerge. How will you accomplish this?

[NegaSlasher]

I'm not sure really. If I had the answer, I would already be working on it. At this point, it seems like I need to move on if I want her back. That will show that I respect myself, and at that point I may be able to make her fall for me again, because the past will be behind me?

I don't really know if I'm making sense. All I know is, I wish I could have done things differently the first time, and wish that I could somehow get a second chance with her.

[Wondergirl]

The longer you live, the more you will realize you just can't play back the tape and do it over again. Yet, even though we know that, we continually go through life making mistakes and then regretting them--and wanting to play back the tape.

How can you start today to begin to heal and to get rid of those three negative feelings that impacted on this relationship (so they won't destroy the next one)?

[NegaSlasher]

Start to focus my attention elsewhere for now? But how will that really help me get her back?

[talaniman]

When you get dumped, bow out with grace and dignity, and keep yourself respect. It could take a long time to heal properly, and change what you want to change, and I seriously doubt she will wait that long, or want to put up with you while you change for the better.

Leave her alone and work on yourself so you will be better, for a better partner.

Start to focus my attention elsewhere for now? But how will that really help me get her back?

It won't, but it will keep you from making a pest of yourself, and prolonging your misery, and false hope. If she truly misses you and want to come back on her own, that's different. Begging never works, nor willyou letting her walking over you, AGAIN!

[NegaSlasher]

I know, I said I wouldn't beg. I'm wondering if I don't contact her anymore whether she'll ever want to come back? Would she come back on her own? I want to move on and better myself, but it feels as if I don't try, I might let her slip because of my errors.

If I stop contacting her for 3 months+, will she contact me and will I be able to try again as a fresh person that she fell in love with the first place? I will not make the same mistakes, which is why I'll focus on becoming a better person.

[Wondergirl]

I know, I said I wouldn't beg. I'm wondering if I don't contact her anymore whether she'll ever want to come back? Would she come back on her own? I want to move on and better myself, but it feels as if I don't try, I might let her slip because of my errors.

If I stop contacting her for 3 months+, will she contact me and will I be able to try again as a fresh person that she fell in love with the first place? I will not make the same mistakes, which is why I'll focus on becoming a better person.

STOP IT! (Yes, I'm shouting! ) You are spinning your wheels and are your own worst enemy.

DO NOT think about her. Think about YOU and fixing those three negatives.

[NegaSlasher]

I know you're right. I know you are. I don't want to think about her but it's incredibly difficult to shift my attention away from her since this happened recently. I even have exams in a couple of days for which I haven't studied for because I don't feel well at all. I can't eat right, I just feel pathetic right now. How can I stop thinking about her? It's easier said than done really.

[Wondergirl]

I know you're right. I know you are. I don't want to think about her but it's incredibly difficult to shift my attention away from her since this happened recently. I even have exams in a couple of days for which I haven't studied for because I don't feel well at all. I can't eat right, I just feel pathetic right now. How can I stop thinking about her? It's easier said than done really.

Several of us will move in for two weeks? (You will never be the same... )

Exams in which subjects?

If I could, I would call you and yell at you. :) (I can yell real well and on target.)

*putting my fingertips on your temples and applying medium pressure*

Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and repeat after me --

"I heretofore will take a two-week break from thinking about her. I love myself and want to do well in school. I'm smart and will study hard and excel on the exams. At the end of the two weeks, I will resume obsessing over her with full permission from Wondergirl, but for now, school comes first. Wondergirl will be watching me and guiding me. I owe it to her and to the rest of the people on this site to do well on my exams. I am now ready for that challenge."

[NegaSlasher]

Probability/Statistics and Electric circuits. If I don't start studying (which I'm trying!) I'm a goner for this semester, all because of that woman!

You see, the reason I want my girlfriend back may be a weird one. It's because I'm just an average guy who isn't great with women. And I'm not out for sex really. I want someone to love and care for. But the type of girl that I want is hard to find too, which she was. I like when a girl does cute things, somewhat pretty, has innocence in her, smart but not as smart as me, maybe plays video games, doesn't drink or smoke, isn't a slut, and a virgin who wants to wait for marriage (I know, I'm weird). My ex fit quite a few of these qualities. There's even more but the list will just go on, I'm screwed in the head with how picky I am.

It's hard because this is my ideal woman and I would like to marry one day. In this Americanized society, it's almost impossible to find someone like that, and I don't know where to look. I'm not looking for a new relationship now but, when I am, if I can't get my ex back, how can I possibly find Ms. Right if I'm not good with women, and the one I want is so specific. I know I won't find a perfect match, but nowadays, women don't even come close to that match.

Sorry, I'm dumping my thoughts and feelings here, it makes me feel better though. :(

[Wondergirl]

But the type of girl that I want is hard to find too, which she was. I like when a girl does cute things, somewhat pretty, has innocence in her, smart but not as smart as me, maybe plays video games, doesn't drink or smoke, isn't a slut, and a virgin who wants to wait for marriage (I know, I'm weird). My ex fit quite a few of these qualities. There's even more but the list will just go on, I'm screwed in the head with how picky I am.

That's how almost ALL of us females used to be back in the '40s and '50s and most of the '60s (before we discovered we had "rights"). Methinks you were born in the wrong decade. Oh, and there are girls out there still like that. We'll tell you where to look but let's get through the exams first.

Probability and Stats -- do you have to memorize the formulas or will they be available?

[NegaSlasher]

They will be available. Tell me where to look! It might help be feel better :P

And yes, I think I was born in the wrong decade :(.

[Wondergirl]

They will be available. Tell me where to look! It might help be feel better :P

Nope. You have to study for these exams and get your mind on that one track. No dessert until you eat all your dinner, even the broccoli.

[NegaSlasher]

Darn, OK but it's hard, and I hope it's not a false promise. Also, if there's any advice you can give for this. My family didn't know about the relationship and I can't eat right and they know something is wrong but I don't really want to tell them, so I keep saying it's exam stress. I know this won't get better overnight as they are thinking, so how I can I seem normal to them. I can act normal, but I can't eat like I normally do. They even want me to go to the doctor if it doesn't get better soon.

[Wondergirl]

Are there foods you like to eat?

Do you take vitamins?

Name some of the foods your mom normally makes.