[khawley3413]

I've been in a relationship for almost 4 years. I'm 22 and we met our senior year of high school. I met him a few months after getting my heart ripped out after a year and a half relationship. 3 or 4 months later I started dating my current boyfriend. I thought he was great, he stepped into my life and I thought the world of him. I still had feelings for my ex, who basically cut off all ties with me until he heard I had a new boyfriend. That's when he came back into my life saying how much he still loves me, being young and naïve I was confused. I ended up secretly hanging out with my ex behind my current boyfriends back, and wound up telling my current boyfriend I wanted a break. I ended up hooking up with my ex and regretting it, patching things back up with the current boyfriend and moving forward happily.

Turns out that during our whole relationship my current boyfriend had hundreds of online accounts for dating sites, chat sites, and web cam sites. He had several secret emails and even posted ads on craigslist saying how he was looking for a mile to get physical with. I caught him time and time again, and forgave him. I kept forgiving him, now I've gotten to the point where I'm so angry with myself and with him for doing these things. I feel like an idiot for forgiving, and feel helpless and unhappy.

I constantly change my mind back and forth when it comes to breaking up or not. I can't tell what I want, and am not sure if he's going to cheat again. Has this happened to any other ladies on here? Any advice from a man whose done similar things? Any input would be appreciated, I just want to vent and let this out.

[odinn7]

You have to be realistic and look at it this way... I would say if he did it once, maybe that would be enough to get over. The fact that he did it so much, I'm saying it's time to tell him to get lost... he is likely to do it again... very likely.

Dumping him may be hard to do but think about this... if you dump him, you will be open for a new relationship to come along. A new one where you have the opportunity to be with someone who isn't a cheating slob.

Basically, it lays out like this: Stay with him and expect more cheating. Dump him and maybe you can find someone who treats you right.

Oh, and this confused me:

posted ads on craigslist saying how he was looking for a mile to get physical with

What, exactly, does that mean? A "mile"... did you mean ""male"?

[khawley3413]

It was a typo, it was supposed to say milf ! And thanks for the advice, I really am living in fear in the relationship that it will happen again. What I don't understand is why he won't just let me go and admit he was a who doesn't deserve me.

[odinn7]

LOL... ok, "milf" makes more sense than "male".

Still, that doesn't change what I said. I can't tell you why he's doing that to you but I can say he's probably going to continue it. You forgave him a few times already and he's kept doing it so what does that tell you?

Good luck to you.

[khawley3413]

Well what throws me off is that he hasn't done anything in a good year of our relationship. That's why this is hard, I see major changes but am not sure if he'll slip back once he has my trust again.

[odinn7]

He hasn't done anything that you've caught him doing. Maybe he's changed or maybe he is just better at hiding it now. I can't tell you that for sure. You know him better than I do of course. The fact that you doubt him is something to consider. Your instinct is telling you he can't be trusted. Only you know the answer.

[Homegirl 50]

You cheated on him too you know. I think you went to him before you were over your ex, so he was the rebound.
I don't know why he does the things he does but I would say leave him alone if you don't trust him. But if you changed, so could he.

[talaniman]

You have the choice of working through your trust issues and taking the risk he has actually changed, or free yourself and be single for a while, and date with no commitment for anything, so you can heal properly.

The way I see it is that you have spent way too much time in relationships that have drained your faith, and belief in yourself, and desperately need to get it back. Sorry, but both options can take years to resolve.

Heck you can't even talk to the bone head you are with, and haven't written anything good about him, other than he hasn't been caught cheating in a year.

Hardly a glowing endorsement to stay with him.

[odinn7]

^^^ Well said.