[Euro2010]

Hurting him and killing me! Please advise?? We've been married for 2 years and together for 3, he's European but very Americanized. We live in Europe and have a daughter (mine from my previous marriage) he is the best father and husband anyone can ask for. He's had only one real relationship before me one other woman who he married for the worst reasons (she was in the military and a big slut, as far as I have heard) they never lived together and he said that their sex life was horrible, he wasn't attracted to her that way and was with her out of pity. Again, he is a good man and person with a heart as big as they get. We fell in love very fast and are still very in love. Since we've met I've always struggled with his feminine-ness, when we met I actually asked him are you gay? He looked at me laughed and said what? No, that's the first I've been asked that and we continued our love at first sight.

Over the last three years I've noticed strange behaviors that I'm not familiar with being that I grew up around macho Latino men. My husband has a woman's voice, he's very sensitive and is a introvert. He's mentioned he'd been to a gay club before and it was no biggie he was with his girlfriend and her boyfriend. He's mentioned that men have hit on him. I often find him looking at men who have nice builds and he says it's because he wants to be like that ( he's very inconsistent with his weight and has been very fit and almost fat many times. He doesn't drool at woman and seems to only find me perfect. We have amazing sex and very often, there's no weird behaviors asked or attempted, but he loves hand jobs from me and himself.

He absolutely adores me and in his eyes I am his goddess, but for some reasons these thoughts/feelings haunt me that he is curious and it's killing me. I've asked a million times and he always says no and doesn't get angry, just embarrassed and belittled. He does take care of himself but not overly gay, just well kept. He drinks fruity drinks while I'm drinking beer, he drinks out of a straw which is a no go where I'm from.

We went to San Francisco and visited all of the communities and he specially wanted to see the gay community and said it was because it's famous and I've been there and told him so many crazy stories. A few of my male friends said he's gay, but I don't know if they were serious or just playing, but again they are very macho. He doesn't have gay friends and my gay brother has come to visit us and teases him because he's European about metro sexual gay things, but I never know if my brother is just pretending that he's kidding to save my feelings. He comes from a wealthy conservative European family, where gay has never been known nor accepted. He lays down like a woman, stands like one sometimes and he's obsessed with me wearing heels. He owned Broke Back mountain and said it was his exes and he's seen it once. I feel like he only enjoys watching buff guy movies, shows. He talks about men's clothes and hair. I'm a people person an extrovert so I look at all and love to look at beautiful people, but I'm a woman and we have different concerns and our though process is usually different.

My worst fear in the world is to have my husband cheat on me with a man or to leave me for one when he realizes he is gay. I have grown up around cheating men and even my gay friends sleep with married men. It makes me so sick and I am maybe traumatized and bringing that to our marriage, but even before we were serious I had got this weird feeling that he was interested in a man at a resort in Greece ( I never said anything) and he said I was flirting with that man, I'm a huge flirt because I love people. My husband hasn't been around gays all of his life like me, nor has he known straight men with skeletons, but I have and I'm afraid.

I'm jealous and may have some trust issues, but I don't think that all of these concerns can be from my issues. Now I feel that since I've acted upon it and asked him so times that he will be very careful to show his true colors because of what I might think. He is very non confrontational and has horrible communication skills, he's been involved in very little verbal violence and does not know how to handle it.

Well today I watched his eyes look at a good looking couple and I could see she was not in his vision ( which would have been fine), but it was her boyfriend he looked at.

His communication is so bad and I asked him about it later and very nicely and he said how I look at women he looks at men, but that can not be normal, because I'm observing her hair and body, style etc. I'm a huge fashionista and hair/makeup junkie! It can't be the same, I really think he was checking that man out and it's happen before. Please help, am I crazy, paranoid, self destructive ? Or is he a potential up and coming gay man?

The other night he said that sometimes he feels ashamed because of how I see him and doesn't feel comfortable approaching me with sex. He said it takes his man hood, when I say those things. Well tonight I asked him and he was fed up and went to bed! Now what? Hellllp please.

[Fr_Chuck]

Sorry, you seem to be making a story out of things that don't mean anything.

So he drinks fruity drinks, guess what I hate beer and would drink the fruity drinks.
He has been to a gay club ? My best friend is gay and when he comes to Atlanta I take him down to a gay book store and coffee house. ** We always laugh, since I often get hit on more than he does.

Next gay or bi does not make you have low moral values. A cheating husband will cheat, if straight or bi.

I think if you hunt for a wolf ( gay) you can find what you want, and push a great husband away by making him feel like you are not loving and accepting him.

[talaniman]

Its easy to say you are a paranoid nut, but since I have no clue what the hell he is, I highly suggest you curb your abuses, and either take a chance or not, and take him at his word. If you cannot I fail to see the point of faking it, or over reacting to your fears.

The good news is that you don't have to get married to be a good partner to a guy you like. I have to tell you that most of my gay friends don't "look" gay at all. Good people is good people, and deserve to be treated good.