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shruthi kaveri · Mar 24, 2012, 09:53 AM

I was in a relationship for the past 2 years, and I lost my virginity, and had sex lots of times. But now we broke up last month, and now I'm getting married. Will the guy with whom I am marrying get to know that I am not a virgin? Please help me know this?

Fr_Chuck · Mar 24, 2012, 09:58 AM

First I guess he will not know if you don't tell him. But why after a 2 year relationship you are marrying someone else in a few weeks. You have not even gotten over properly the old relationship?

Is this a culture where it really matters ? Is he a virgin ?

Cat1864 · Mar 24, 2012, 10:52 AM

Is this an arranged marriage? Is it dependent on your being a virgin?

Can he tell? Maybe, maybe not. Whether he can, he may suspect. While not having an intact hymen is not proof of being sexually active (there are many reasons for a woman's hymen to not be intact if she has one), some cultures and men do expect their 'virgin' bride to have one. If they think they don't 'feel' one, they might accuse or question.

If at all possible I suggest being honest especially if there is any chance he might discover the truth after the wedding and feel betrayed and angered. Is there a chance that your ex or someone else might tell him about your past? Is there any chance you might say something in an unguarded moment such as in your sleep, after drinking, or an innocent seeming remark in a conversation?

Do what you think is right for you, but please be careful.

Wondergirl · Mar 24, 2012, 11:15 AM

Also, you now know things about male bodies and how they work that a virgin would probably not know. You also know about ways he can behave that will please you. Thus, you will have to be careful what you say and how you act when in bed with him. You don't want him to wonder how you know so much--unless you can convince him you learned it from reading books or talking with married girlfriends.

talaniman · Mar 25, 2012, 06:56 AM

No telling what a guy will want to know after a month of knowing you, so you have the option of being honest, and risk whatever he believes or expects, or you can lie, and start in deception.

I think your concerns are telling, and its hard to tell someone to be honest if their life is in danger, so I am guessing the men in your family think you are a virgin, and have represented you as so. The new guy may be really mad if he were to find out differently.

Can you refuse, or delay this marriage?