[Nashfield]

We have been going out for 2 and a half years now. As usual sex has slowed right down. He never wants it, although he can sit next to me with a hard on. I ask him why, and he just said he don't know now he says he gets nervous an anxious if I go to touch him. Make me feel sick every time he says it. Worse thong is he always getting on at me. He says he loves me but doesn't flirt or give me affection. He always lies about stupid things too like work, he said he locked himself in a cupboard, but after reading his emails a colleague did. He emails are always with girls with nicknames and so on. He buys them 'treats'! He used to flirt really bad with his receptionist until she left but he still got email when we went on holiday sayi g I miss you. Think he getting flirty with the girls at work again. I'm only 24, he 22. I've been here before and I don't know what to do?

[Cat1864]

Only he can tell you what is going on in his head. Have you asked him about his emails with other females? Do you trust him?

If you don't trust him whether it is because of the flirting, the e-mails or the lying, then let him go, heal and move forward with your life.

If you think there is still trust in the relationship or it can be rebuilt, then sit down with him and discuss all the issues including the lying and flirting. Communicate and work together to fix the problems.

Do you know if anything happened to cause him to become worried about sexual contact? Anything such as a pregnancy scare? Has he had any medical issues either mental or physical which might affect how he feels about or perceives actual intimacy? Did anything happen in his past that might have come back to affect his present interactions?

If he is having issues with someone other than himself being in physical contact with his body, then he may be finding it easier to interact in a flirting manner with women who he isn't in danger of being physically intimate. If this is a mental issue and not a physical one, he needs to see a counselor or therapist who can help him work through the causes to find a solution. If it is physical, then he needs to see a doctor and make certain that this isn't a symptom of a larger problem.

All that said, he may be mentally backing away from the relationship and his 'anxiety' is his sub-conscience's way leaving even if he thinks he still wants the relationship?

Could he be staying in the relationship because of other reasons like what you are willing to do for him in other ways? Are you still in the relationship because of love or habit?

[KissleeSnow]

I am going to just go right out there and say this, get a new boyfriend. If you want my advice that's what I would do. He is obviously lying about what he is doing at work, and the whole I have a heart on but I can't have sex speal.. is ridiculous. My ex tried that once, didn't happen. Dumped him. We had been together 3 years, and what he couldn't admit was that he really just wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore. He really didn't want to be with me. I don't know why guys can't just tell us the truth, but in a way they are scared to loose someone they have become so close to. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It just means he is a guy and he hasn't figured everything out yet. He is very young and so are you. I promise there are plenty of fish in the sea, if your really worried about this, than talk to him, and reassure him that no matter what he says its OK if he doesn't want to do it anymore or if he doesn't want to have sex because he isn't attracted to you. However you do it, if you do it calmly and politely he just might tell you what is going on in that head of his. I know its hard honey, but just really think about the big picture. Is this all worth getting hurt over in the end? Do you think your going to marry this guy and spend happily ever after? If not than you need a change, a very healthy and happy change. Good luck girl, and don't let it get you too down.