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cllockhart · Jan 19, 2012, 02:06 PM

We don't have equal rights right now though, he still has not gotten his parentage established in the court system. So I as far as I know I have all rights to him until he becomes "legally" his father. Am I incorrect in this? We also have an agreement in play saying when and for how long he gets to spend time with our son. Another side question on that, what is the policy on time with children. He is consistently dropping the child off at daycare 30 minutes to an hour late. Is this okay? Can he do this? If not what can I do about this issue? My child care provider is documenting the times he is dropped off and picked up, so I do have evidence from a 3rd party about that.

With the amount of evidence I have given you, do you think that would be enough for the court system to see that he is not caring for his child? Or do I still need more? I am just so scared every time he goes to his father's place. He also now will not let me talk to my son on the phone when he is in his care. All of this scares me because I don't want to see my baby being mistreated. I do not feel my child is safe with his father. I just don't want any of this to come back and bite me in the butt.

cllockhart · Mar 23, 2012, 01:13 PM

My ex will be taking our son out of state for the first time to visit his family. I am scared about his upcoming trip, but I am starting to get past my fears. The only thing that I am really hung up on is the alcohol use of his family. My ex's father, my child's grandfather, drinks at least a 6 pack of beer a night. This to me is excessive but I'm not too terribly worried about this. But his family does throw big parties all the time and are planning on throwing one of these parties when my ex is there. At these parties there are multiple kegs of beer, many bottles of hard liquor, and on occasion marijuana being passed around. Do I have the right to ask my son's father to not take him to this get together. My son is young, but I do not want him exposed to this environment. Plus I worry that he will get neglected being in this atmosphere. I asked my ex already if he could ask his mom to have an alcohol free party, since my son would be there. His response to me was that he would not ask his mom that because most of the people in his family are alcoholics and they would not come to a party if there would be no alcohol. As his mother, do I have the right to say that he can not go to a party like this?

cdad · Mar 23, 2012, 01:20 PM

No, you have no right to ask such a thing. If it is his time with the child then it belongs to him. If something should happen then it will be his responsibility. But until then you have no right to interfere.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 23, 2012, 01:26 PM

You have the right to let him know any illegal drug use may be reported, and may be used as a reason to try and limit his ability to visit or get the child on trips like this in the future.
If there are illegal drugs, you can take him to court with proof of the drug use, and ask for modification of visits.

As for as drinking, sorry that is legal and there is no reason the child can not be taken to a party such as that.

cllockhart · Mar 23, 2012, 08:52 PM

I don't know why but it is showing that I have two answers to my question. But I am unable to view the answers. I don't know why this is.

cllockhart · Mar 23, 2012, 09:05 PM

As soon as I posted the last question, the responses started showing up. Thanks for your input. This whole custody thing is just not fun. I understand what you are saying about it being okay for him to be around the alcohol. What about neglect while this is happening though? Can I interfere about that? These parties last all day long from about noon till usually 4 or 5 in the morning and they make all of the kids go into a room and play together until they are too drunk to notice that they are there and even at that point they kind of have to fend for themselves. When I have been there I have taken control of the situation and taken care of all the kids the entire day. There are usually about 15 to 20 children there ranging in ages from under a year to 9 years old. This time I know that there will also be a 1 month old baby there as well that the older kids will be in charge of taking care of. (and the older kids are boys so who knows how much care taking will happen) I am just so nervous because this will be my first time away from my toddler for longer than 2 nights, and knowing the environment that he will be in makes me more nervous.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 24, 2012, 04:35 AM

You said there will be "older kids" watching them, that is called a baby sitter, many girls start baby sitting at 11 or 12. So he stays up too late, eats some junk food, that is often what kids do at parties.

cllockhart · Mar 24, 2012, 06:08 AM

I understand that. It it were little girls that were watching him I would feel much more comfortable, but the oldest little girl is only 4 years old. There are only a few "older kids" and they are boys. I know that all these boys will be interested in is playing video games, they don't actually take care of the children. There is no place for these kids to sleep except the floor, and I don't know how great it is to have a 1 month old sleeping on the floor by herself. Also I want to be clear on something, these parties aren't thrown with a little bit of alcohol. They are thrown so all of the adults and teenagers can get black out drunk. If I don't have any legal rights about preventing my child from being around this that is fine, but I am looking for anything here. If anyone has any ideas of loop holes that I can take so that I can make sure my child isn't exposed to this behavior, I would really appreciate it. I respect and appreciate what you said Fr_Chuck, but I am trying to find anything that I can do legally to prevent this. (I do have a lawyer but he is on vacation this week and next and the trip is happening in the middle of April so I don't have much time to do something about it if I want to)

AK lawyer · Mar 24, 2012, 07:00 AM

Originally Posted by cllockhart

... I do have a lawyer but he is on vacation this week and next and the trip is happening in the middle of April so I don't have much time to do something about it if I want to ...

Actually, you had plenty of time. You knew exactly how these family parties go when you were with your ex. Then you split with him and evidently agree to some sort of a custody and visitation order (or one was made over your objection). So don't try to tell us it's an emergency because your lawyer is out-of-pocket.

It won't wash.

If you know there is illegal activity going on (use of illegal drugs, consumption of alcohol by minors, etc. call the police. If children are being neglected, call CPS. And enough of the sexist comments about boys being incompetent babysitters, please.

JudyKayTee · Mar 24, 2012, 07:16 AM

Originally Posted by cllockhart

I understand that. It it were little girls that were watching him I would feel much more comfortable, but the oldest little girl is only 4 years old. There are only a few "older kids" and they are boys. I know that all these boys will be interested in is playing video games, they don't actually take care of the children. There is no place for these kids to sleep except the floor, and I don't know how great it is to have a 1 month old sleeping on the floor by herself. Also I want to be clear on something, these parties aren't thrown with a little bit of alcohol. They are thrown so all of the adults and teenagers can get black out drunk. If I don't have any legal rights about preventing my child from being around this that is fine, but I am looking for anything here. If anyone has any ideas of loop holes that I can take so that I can make sure my child isn't exposed to this behavior, I would really appreciate it. I respect and appreciate what you said Fr_Chuck, but I am trying to find anything that I can do legally to prevent this. (I do have a lawyer but he is on vacation this week and next and the trip is happening in the middle of April so I don't have much time to do something about it if I want to)

This is a legal site. We take great pride in our answers. Attorneys, law school graduates, people who work in the legal industry, all sorts of experts post here.

We don't give advice about loopholes.

Otherwise I agree 100% with "AK."

If chldren are being abused or exposed to unsafe situations it is your duty to report that abuse/those activities to the authorities.

Was the father of the child irresponsible when you got pregnant or did this develop after the child was born?

EDIT: Some of your other posts explain this a little bit. It appears from this thread - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...rt-606741.html - that this visitation is outside the Court's approval. Am I correct? You made the arrangements between the two of you, knowing your "ex's" history?

- And I just found this thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...ts-590031.html

In view of all of the relationship problems I think I'd like to know what the custody/visitation agreement says, if it's filed with the Court - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-551068.html

cllockhart · Mar 24, 2012, 07:29 AM

Marijuana is not illegal. I was not trying to be sexist, I have a little boy and I know that the maturity of a 9 year old little boy is not enough to care for a one month old baby. I also did not consent to custody and visitation. I was told it was something that had to be done. Also I did not consent to him taking the child out of state or farther unless it was within 50 miles. That is written in our custody agreement. I was just told this yesterday that he was taking our son with him to California. If you read in my past threads, he has threatened to kidnap him before which has led to him being arrested before, which is why the clause is in our agreement about him not leaving the state. I just need some legal advice on what to do from here. And Judy I had never been to one of these parties before I got pregnant. He seemed very responsible, but looks can be VERY deceiving. I did not know entirely what I was getting myself into. And how exactly do I go about reporting these activities to the authorities? Since I won't be in the same state I don't really know how to go about doing this. I really do appreciate what everyone is saying. As a parent though it is my duty to make sure that I do everything I can to protect my son and take care of him, which is something that I know that his father will not do. Maybe legally I don't have a right to protect my son, but I still feel like I need to do everything that I can to protect him. I just want to know if anyone has any ideas of what I can do.

J_9 · Mar 24, 2012, 07:32 AM

Originally Posted by cllockhart

Marijuana is not illegal.

Where do you live that Marijuana is not illegal?

cllockhart · Mar 24, 2012, 07:34 AM

I don't live there. But all of his family have their papers in California for medical marijuana. A few of his family members even work at medical marijuana dispenseries there.

JudyKayTee · Mar 24, 2012, 09:18 AM

You call child welfare - or whatever child protective services is called in his area - and you report the behavior. If you can prove your claims, that's good. If not, that's their job.

Marijuana isn't legal in California unless a person has a prescription - there's a difference between being legal and being able to get a prescription.