[CompletelyTorn]

I know this might be a long read but I feel like writing all this is helping me...

I have been dating this beautiful girl for almost 3 years now. Met her at work and at one of her parties, she was drunk and sitting on my lap and later took me aside to tell me she had feelings for me. I told her I had a crush on her as well and left it at that. At the time, she was still dating someone but it was well known to everyone that she had no feelings for him for several months now.

At the next party, I was driving her home afterwards and she asked me what was up as I looked really nervous. I went balls in and kissed her. She responded well and we made out for hours. We kept what happened a secret at work. I made it clear to her that if we were to pursue this, she needs to leave her current guy. So she did and moved out with some co-workers. We saw each other 5-6 times a week (aside from work) and I stayed over all those nights. We couldn't keep our hands off each other and we had sex every night I was there.

Several months later, the landlord decided to sell house and given her busy schedule with work and school mixed in, was never able to find a new place to stay. So I proposed that she move in with me temporarily. It is my parents place and they were away for business for a couple of years. Everything was all fantastic. We cooked together. We watched TV. Played games. I was in heaven. Eventually things started to slip. She felt trapped as she didn't really have her own space there. It will always be "My parents" house and never "Our House". This caused a lot of arguments and fighting. Eventually she decided it was best to move out so she can get some more space. I made the mistake of fighting that choice but it happened regardless.

Things never got back to the way they were before but I still spent 5 nights a week there and the other two she spent at my place. I had all the entertainment at my place. She had to be at her place weekdays for school.

As time progressed, things slid even more. She started to want sex less and less every month. There were no more sexy dress ups or anything. She started to be less affectionate outside of home. She started to choose her friends over me. And she started to change her lifestyle. She wanted to get into routines of brushing teeth every night, stretches every morning and also be in bed by 10:30pm the latest on week nights. This part was all fine and dandy.

I accepted the changes but I eventually started to go crazy with our dwindling sex life. The lack of effort to make plans. I had to do all that. The lack of affection outside. It caused a lot of fighting and arguments. We always tried to come up with some compromise but we were stubborn and didn't end up doing so. She broke up with me soon after. She came back two days later, sitting in my house, crying, and begged me to take her back because she made a mistake. I had been NC for those two days. But I took her back and we had sex all night.

The issues never resolved and it emerged again. And so now, 13hours ago, she left me. She talked a lot. We even figured out what the root issue was to all this. She claims it was because she got lazy because of me. Because I was there and she would much rather snuggle and me close to me than do her routines. She says she is losing herself because she is so dependent on me now. She puts things off because she expects me to come over. She ignores the 10:30 rule because she simply just wants to cuddle and watch TV with me. She said she needed to figure herself out. I am devastated and haven't been able to sleep. I am used to having her in my bed every night snuggling and warm. I even day dreamed about her and it was a nice one too. But when I snapped out of it, my chest ached more...

I messaged one of my best friends after the breakup at 2:30am and he called me right away and we say at a Denny's Restaurant until 6am...

I am naturally not a social person and I am on my computer a lot...
I feel as if I will never find another girl who will be like her...

And for reasons I will not say, I will never find another girl who had the kind of sexual compatibility like I did with her...

One of my close friends suggested sleeping pills. I am leary.
What are my options? She still has to come over sometime this week to get her stuff.
How can I face seeing her again? I miss her so much...

[bootnelroy]

Buddy... move on she is not your soulmate... be nice

[talaniman]

Break ups suck, and we all feel the way you do when it happens and all the fun is gone. In time we adjust and get over the shock, and the loss of great sex. When the dust settles and you get use to being single, you will see things a lot differently.

As far as getting sleep, I don't recommend sleep aid, as I think fresh air, and regular exercise works better, and a hot shower and a nice meal, and an aspirin before bedtime will knock you out, just don't overdo it. You will thrive, and survive by rebuilding a life for yourself without her. Right now you are in shock, and mourning your loss. A tough time, but you have a good friend. That will help.

[SoftSummer]

NO SLEEPING PILLS!!
http://www.latimes.com/health/boostershots/aging/la-heb-sleep-aids-cancer-death-20120228,0,6893807.story

Now for the real issue. Reading this makes me want to cry because I can see that you are genuinely upset. Here's what I think. Your ex is broken right now for whatever reason. And there's nothing that you can do to help that. This seems like a promising union. If you guys are meant to be then it'll happen. But the best therapy for any break up is distance. Try to remove as much stuff (pictures, notes, phone numbers, etc) away from your life. Rearrange the furniture in your room, or the whole house for that matter. I know that it may seem trivial , but it's good to re-create your environment. You'll be okay. Your ex is the type of girl who really needs independence. She needs something going for herself to feel complete. Fine. Let her do her. But in turn you just do you and take it a day at a time. Don't have the mindset that you'll never be able to find anyone else like her. That's obvious. We're all different. Don't compare every chick you come across to your ex because you'll just be setting yourself up for failure. Just embrace people for who they are and most importantly embrace yourself. It'll be okay. You may not see it now. But so many people have survived bad break ups, and you're no different from them. Take care.

[JudyKayTee]

NO SLEEPING PILLS!!!
Sleeping pills linked to higher risk of cancer, death, study says - latimes.com

Please post this site again - I'm getting a blank page and I'd like to read it. I've never read a connection between sleep aids and cancer.

[mmresd]

What you have is "one-itis". May sound weird but the definition of it is.

"A “disease” (hence the 'itis) where a man is stuck on one girl, and feels that she is “the one”, usually to the detriment of having any romantic relationship with her."

If you want the full definition visit Oneitis | Pick Up Artist and PUA Lingo.

The notion to really believe that this girl is the BEST you will find in reality is absurd. There are more women than men in this world, and this world holds more than 7,000,000,000 people right now, how many females have you met?

Is a break up, break ups suck, and they hurt a lot. Some of them can even be tramautizing. However, it is not the end of the world. Love dies just like anything else, the only way for it to fade is to wait it out and embrace the pain from the break up. It won't be easy, but eventually, you WILL get over this, and you will not only find someone else, but someone better.

At the beginning of my relationships break ups were extremely difficult, I always felt as if what I had was the best that I would ever have. However, every relationship I have had has been better than the last. I got out of a break up just a couple months ago, and I didn't even stress about it, even though I LOVED the sex and loved the female even more than the sex, I just look forward to the next chapter in my love life now.

I guess the point that I am trying to make is, CALM DOWN. We have all experienced what you are going through, and although we understand that YOU really believe you will never get out of this deep black hole, we know that you will. You haven't sleeped in 30 hours, try a week, your body will eventually shut off, and when you wake up you will feel better. Take pills if you want to, is your body, but don't get used to them or you will create an extremely dangerous habit. Remember that every night when you lay down, it is the end of a day you survived, alone. You were OK sleeping alone before you met her, and you have just forgotten how fun it is to be alone.

It won't be easy, and by the level of your obsession, it won't be fast. But you will get over this, before you even notice. Keep yourself busy, relax with some exercise, pick up a book, we have a huge list of things to do in this forum on the home page of "Relationships", go check them out.

Keep your head up, DO NOT contact her again in any way as this will only drag out your healing process, let yourself be calm (at least as calm as possible, feeling anxiety and a mild depression is normal after any hard break up), and you will once again come out on top.

It is a good idea to vent like you did on here, we are always willing to listen, if things worsen, we will be here to read and give our best advise on anything that you may want to ask.