[Hard.candy]

I know every girl has an issue with their guys looking at porn because try feel degrading and what not. But honestly I know it is human nature and I am totally fine with it. I'm a girl and I look at porn myself so it doesn't bother me too much. Until one day while checking his computer history I found out that he has been watching porn everyday every chance he got. 8 am in the morning, right when he got to work, lunch time, when I'm sleeping next to him and many many more. While I don't have a problem with him wtching porn, I think I start feeling uneasy to know that he watches it so much. But what bothers me more is that not only does he watches it, he would search up for their names on Google and Facebook etc. When I addressed him about it he said its only like looking up a celebrity. But would guys be OK for their girls to look up naked guys and try to fb them an such? I'm not. And after a big fight I finally told him that to me its totally OK for him to watch porn, as long as he doesn't do so while I'm sleeping. I even watches it with him, but I don't like the idea of him sneaking around doing it. And I also want him to stop looking porn stars up online. Is that too much to ask? He promised me and said its no problem. And shortly a week after I woke up to him watching porn again, right after we just had sex and I passed out. I feel very unconfortable about this and heart broken that he can't keep a simple promise to me. What can I do? We're very sexually active and I always buy new lingerie every week trying to keep out relationship fun. Then why does he watches porn so much? What is he trying to get from it that I can't give him?

[Alty]

It sounds like he has an unhealthy addiction to porn, and porn stars.

He can't keep his promise to you any more than an alcoholic can keep a promise that he/she won't have another drink. At least not without help.

This is just a guess, but the amount of porn he's watching, the extent he's taken this to, it sounds like an addiction to porn.

You can't help him with this. He needs professional help.

[Cat1864]

How long have you been a couple and how long have you been living together? Why were you 'checking his computer history'?

What is he trying to get from it that I can't give him?

Have you asked him that question?

Is he looking at porn to get aroused or is he looking at it as just another form of entertainment much like some people watch action movies or play video games?

I have never understood looking up anyone you don't personally know on Facebook. However, I do realize that it is another form of marketing for many people in all forms of entertainment from acting to art. For many it really is no different than being a fan of a soap opera actor or a singer. Is he trying to contact them?

I am not saying that your personal feelings are wrong. I am trying to help you find the answers to your questions. If you can put aside your own reservations and concerns to look at it from a slightly different angle, it might help you see other ways of approaching the issues that can work as a compromise for both of you.

You are asking him to break a habit that he has probably had before he became involved with you. A habit doesn't get broken just because a promise is made. It takes time and a lot of effort to stop doing something and change the pattern of thought and actions. There will be times when the person backslides a bit. Calmly talk to him about it. Find out from him why he is watching porn when he does and discuss other things he could watch or do instead. If you are asking him to make changes for you, then be prepared to give help and support. Nagging and being negative might cause him to rebel and actually begin to 'sneak around' to watch it.

Personally, I would be more concerned about him viewing porn at work where it might cause issues with his employment than I would be with him looking at it while I slept.

When he watches it while you are awake and home, do you insist on watching it with him or do you give him some privacy to have some 'me' time? What are your views on masturbation? Are you okay with a person wanting a quick release without having to worry about their partner's needs? Do you feel that he should always turn to you for sexual pleasure? Do you expect him to take care of all of your sexual needs?

In trying to keep things fresh in your relationship, do you talk to him about needs, likes, dislikes, fantasies, etc. Are you trying to guess what you think he wants or hoping that he picks up on clues about you want?

[CravenMorhead]

I am a porn advocate. I like it. I use it. I don't have a problem performing with my Girlfriend.

I will admit that I have looked up Porn Stars, but that is mostly to find out what else they have been in. If I find a nice one then I want to have all I can get. That is more my OCD kicking in than anything though.

This is... interfering with his normal life. To a degree. I think it is an obsession and not really a healthy one. Though there are some Model Train people I know that are the same way...

I think you are on the right road. I think he needs to step back, but I am not sure what the best approach on it is.

As Cat1984 said, Viewing porn at work is a problem. Otherwise not so much. How much is it affecting your relationship besides the 'ick' factor?

[smoothy]

I'm going to chime in here... guys think about sex on average of every few minutes... you didn't say the total amount of time he spends a day doing it... for all we know it might total 20 minute to an hour a day thus I don't see an issue with it (if it was like 6 hours a day that's different)... Lacking that information to change my mind... I do see you over-reacting, Such as WHY do you have to be there... would you be happy if he demanded HE be there when you watch a chick flick or you can't... or talk to your friends... etc... if you are fine with him watching it... then why are you getting so upset about him doing it? You contradict yourself there.

If you start making demands... then you are darn tootin he's going to sneak around and do it... he's an adult... and you aren't his mom... want to tick a guy off... start dictating what he can and can't do and when he can and can't do it... that will through a chill on the relationship faster than a bucket of icewater when you are having sex will.

Now a lot is dependent about actual total time per day... not how many times a day that matters here. I'm assuming the total time is a fairly low number. Such as an hour or two, not like 5+ hours a day.

[Elizabeth2005]

No you are right. That is wrong! You are his girlfriend, you should be enough for him. He is addicted, that is why he cannot keep a promise to you. After you look at porn too much, the chemicals in your brain change--creating an addiction. That is why porn should never be apart of a relationship anyway... plus its totally disgusting. He is looking for more than you, you are not satisfying his disgusting addiction. GET OUT!

[smoothy]

No you are right. That is wrong! You are his girlfriend, you should be enough for him. He is addicted, that is why he cannot keep a promise to you. After you look at porn too much, the chemicals in your brain change--creating an addiction. That is why porn should never be apart of a relationship anyways... plus its totally disgusting. He is looking for more than you, you are not satisfying his disgusting addiction. GET OUT!

Elizabeth... get yourself help... you need it. Most guys would RUN not walk away from a woman with a piss poor attitude like yours.

Where do you get off thinking YOU are the supreme Queen who can dictate every aspect of another adults life is beyond grasping. I suppose YOU would be happy if some guy was just as unreasonible and controlling as you think you can be?

[michael175]

I'm not being funny I've watch porn a lot it doesn't mean anything bad for example I'm happily married with 2 children and my sex life is excellent. The only reason I watch porn is it helps when your fustrated, its even a relief of stress. My wife knows I do this and she's happy with it so should you. A little tip catch him at it and treat him ;) Its nothing to do with not being attracted to you because if he wasn't he wouldn't be watching porn he would be making excuses up and sleeping with other women. Masturbation is healthy read up about it. If he stops having sex with you then it's a problem and you should talk with him calmly to find the problem and it might be something so little and stupid but do it alone with no one around. I hope I helped

[WisperWill70]

Porn is like anything else. It can be used in a healthy, great, fulfilling way -- or to escape real life. As CravenMorhead says, there are model train enthusiasts, car buffs, fisherman, online gamers and TV watchers who can go totally nutso and overboard and use entertainment in a way that impinges on real life. If he is having a fulfilling sex life with you, able to tend to his necessary duties and responsibilities, and still able to function in his life he probably is not addicted.

He might have a very high sex drive (not super common but it does happen) as well. You know it doesn't mean he doesn't want you/love you, etc.

Watching porn while you are sleeping doesn't seem like a big deal to me -- he might just really think it's innocent and relaxing. If your boyfriend told you that you could watch your favorite comedy shows all you want... but "please, not while I'm asleep and don't Facebook the cast of True Blood or Big Bang Theory" or whatever... if you were a TV nut -- you might just watch while he's sleeping anyway simply because, to you, it doesn't seem like a big deal... and besides, you said it was OK at other times.

It either isn't a big deal to him - or he's getting addicted --- but as long as he has a good relationship with you, you can get through it with communication.

Looking up porn stars on FB is probably like looking up a celebrity - they get zillions of messages and aren't looking to "hook up" with their fans.

[Alty]

No you are right. That is wrong! You are his girlfriend, you should be enough for him. He is addicted, that is why he cannot keep a promise to you. After you look at porn too much, the chemicals in your brain change--creating an addiction. That is why porn should never be apart of a relationship anyways... plus its totally disgusting. He is looking for more than you, you are not satisfying his disgusting addiction. GET OUT!

So you're telling her to control him? Doesn't sound healthy to me, in fact, it sounds even more disgusting than porn.

I would like to see your source (not something you found on the internet), that shows that watching porn changes the chemicals in your brain. I've never heard about that. If you have a legit source I can read, I'd like to read it. Again, not something you found on the net, that's not reliable.

[Fr_Chuck]

First you entire concept is incorrect, there are many girls who love it, buy it for their boyfrends and many many watch it with him, and use it as a foreplay or for fun.

It has nothing to do with the girl friend and how he feels or things about the his girlfriend.

Men are visual they do not think and act as women do about watching naked people.
If it is not porn on the internet, it is watching 1/2 naked women walking downt he street.

If or is it effecting your relationship and love life is the issue. Not if he is watching porn.

And you are not going to have a big fight if you really don't care that he watches it. If you passed out after having sex, what is wrong if he wants to still look at porn, should he have woke you up and told you ?

[Pr3tty_in_pink]

He is addicted, it has messed up the chemicals in his brain. I reckon you gave him too much freedom to look at porn and he took advantage.

[smoothy]

He is addicted, it has messed up the chemicals in his brain. I reckon you gave him too much freedom to look at porn and he took advantage.

YOu have some major personal issues.

The boyfriend ISN'T your subject... and he has every right to do anything he wants.

YOU don't grant him freedom, he already has it and is entitled to keep it.

Your comment that he has a mental disorder is alo WAY off base... YOU have issues, not him.

Personally, the first time any person I was dating spewed anything remotely like that, was the last time I ever let them grace my company.

[lovemelavender]

Sweetie,

First off I have to say - if you listen to the boys/girls on here that tell you he has every right to do whatever he wants, you're silly.

Sure the man can do whatever he wants, if he wants to be a single man. But a Committed man can not. It is NOT okay for a man to lust after other women, whether they be real or over the Internet. The only woman he should have eyes for honey, is YOU. And if he doesn't, that's a serious problem.

Think of it this way, what if these porn stars he is watching on a computer screen were real, touchable women? What if morning, noon, and night - and even at work - while you are not around, he's sexing up all these pretty women? Are you just going to make him "promise" not to do it when you're not around or are you going to take action?

I was in a very similar situation once, and I discussed it with a friend who told me to get out of the relationship. I believe she said, If he would look up a slut on the TV, what's stopping him from going out and getting some in the real world?

Stupidly, I stayed in it for awhile. Couple weeks later, I got a big slap in the face when I found out he was cheating.

The best thing you can do is let him go and find someone who you can be in a faithful, honest, and healthy relationship with.


I wish you the best!

[smoothy]

Sweetie,

First off I have to say - if you listen to the boys/girls on here that tell you he has every right to do whatever he wants, you're silly.

Sure the man can do whatever he wants, if he wants to be a single man. But a COMITTED man can not. It is NOT okay for a man to lust after other women, whether they be real or over the Internet. The only woman he should have eyes for honey, is YOU. And if he doesn't, that's a serious problem.

Think of it this way, what if these porn stars he is watching on a computer screen were real, touchable women? What if morning, noon, and night - and even at work - while you are not around, he's sexing up all these pretty women? Are you just going to make him "promise" not to do it when you're not around or are you going to take action?

I was in a very similar situation once, and I discussed it with a friend who told me to get out of the relationship. I believe she said, If he would look up a slut on the TV, what's stopping him from going out and getting some in the real world?

Stupidly, I stayed in it for awhile. Couple weeks later, I got a big slap in the face when I found out he was cheating.

The best thing you can do is let him go and find someone who you can be in a faithful, honest, and healthy relationship with.


I wish you the best!

That is a sure recipie for a divorce... filed for by him.

Eyes for only one person... thats obsession, not love.

Going to MAKE him do anything? Sorry, MOST spouses would tell the other to take a flying leap if they can prancing around making demands like that.

You are NOT your spouses parent OR boss... and you aren't in any position to make demands. People that do that have no concept of what the term partner means.

[Pr3tty_in_pink]

Sweetie,

First off I have to say - if you listen to the boys/girls on here that tell you he has every right to do whatever he wants, you're silly.

Sure the man can do whatever he wants, if he wants to be a single man. But a COMITTED man can not. It is NOT okay for a man to lust after other women, whether they be real or over the Internet. The only woman he should have eyes for honey, is YOU. And if he doesn't, that's a serious problem.

Think of it this way, what if these porn stars he is watching on a computer screen were real, touchable women? What if morning, noon, and night - and even at work - while you are not around, he's sexing up all these pretty women? Are you just going to make him "promise" not to do it when you're not around or are you going to take action?

I was in a very similar situation once, and I discussed it with a friend who told me to get out of the relationship. I believe she said, If he would look up a slut on the TV, what's stopping him from going out and getting some in the real world?

Stupidly, I stayed in it for awhile. Couple weeks later, I got a big slap in the face when I found out he was cheating.

The best thing you can do is let him go and find someone who you can be in a faithful, honest, and healthy relationship with.


I wish you the best!

I agree with you, but I wouldn't say it will definitely lead to cheating. Everybody has different opinions on the matter only the op can decide what's right in the end.

[smoothy]

I agree with you, but I wouldn't say it will definitely lead to cheating. Everybody has different opinions on the matter only the op can decide what's right in the end.

You would be with her on being left alone, or divorced...

Because few men would put up with that treatment... only the losers that think they couldn't do better would put up with the form of abuse..

Nor would most women if those roles were reversed and he was the paranoid control freak.

[Pr3tty_in_pink]

You would be with her on being left alone, or divorced...

Because few men would put up with that treatment....only the losers that think they couldn't do better would put up with the form of abuse..

Nor would most women if those roles were reversed and he was the paranoid control freak.

What treatment, being told to stop masturbating over other people? They are in a relationship, they should expect to be told that.

[smoothy]

What treatment, being told to stop masturbating over other people? They are in a relationship, they should expect to be told that.

He's NOT subservient to her... nor is she to him.

Just try telling a woman SHE isn't allowed to masturbate, her job is to be his *** dumpster... see how far that gets you.

You are aware that every time you have sex... protection or not... you have the risk of pregnancy?

He has the right to spank the monkey if he wants... EVEN IF they were married... and a WIFE has far more rights to say things than a fiancée or even a girlfriend has.

And NONE have the right to dictate that.

Let me guess... neither of you have been in many if any real relationships... ( and its not real until your been together more than a couple years, not just months)

[Pr3tty_in_pink]

He's NOT subservient to her.....nor is she to him.

Just try telling a woman SHE isn't allowed to masturbate, her job is to be his *** dumpster.....see how far that gets you.

You are aware that every time you have sex...protection or not...you have the risk of pregnancy?

He has the right to spank the monkey if he wants....EVEN IF they were married....and a WIFE has far more rights to say things than a fiancee or even a girlfriend has.

And NONE have the right to dictate that.

Let me guess...neither of you have been in many if any real relationships.... ( and its not real until your been together more than a couple years, not just months)

Longest 11 months. I don't mind the masturbating bit it's the visuals of other people. Wouldn't mind if he used his imagination.