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What do you do when you love your best friend, but also love your boyfriend?
First, let me say - I am not a flake who falls for just anyone. I have been married (stupidly), divorced from the abusive marriage, and in two serious relationships since. By serious relationship, I mean that I was in a committed, honest, and loving relationship with my ex-bf for 3 years. He broke up with me because he wanted something different than I did from life.
My relationship now is in it's 3rd year. He's more wonderful than I ever could have asked for, and better than I deserve. Here's my problem. I am ridden with guilt because I STILL have strong feelings for my best friend of 7 years, who was there for me during the end of my marriage, through my divorce, and through my entire 3 year relationship with my ex. I have always felt like I belong with him, but he doesn't want to risk losing our friendship. I don't want to wind up marrying a perfectly amazing guy (because my boyfriend now talks about marriage) just because he's great & wants to get married, when I still carry my best friend in my heart the way I do. Honestly, I'd like to "get over" my best friend, and settle into a happy life with my boyfriend. I've been struggling with this for the extent of my relationship with my boyfriend, and have struggled with this issue for the past 6 years. I am tired, I don't want to hurt anyone (which seems almost inevitable), and I don't want to be lonely waiting for a guy who will never give us a shot for fear of losing our friendship. How does anyone deal with this? |
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You have no choice but to put the friendship aside until you do get yourself under control, and accept that there never was a hope with the friend. Don't even think of getting married until you do.
That's wouldn't be fair to your boyfriend or YOU! Tell your friend you need that time, and let each other go for a while. |
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Keep in mind that while love is a passion, loving is an action. You can make a conscious choice to indulge your secret passion for your friend and risk undermining your real relationship, or to love your friend without the passion and keep things safe and sane. There are many kinds of love and caring. You have the strength and ability to sort out which to apply where.
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