[clyde55]

My son 17 years old been drinking and drugs since he was about 14. Now he is mentally abusing my wife. They fight all the time, threatening her daily, she's scared what he might do.

He gets good grades in school, but his drugs, and drinking is becoming a problem. He comes, and goes as he pleases. We have no control over him. He will be tuning 18 in a couple of months. We are afraid he going down the wrong path. Please help.

[Jake2008]

In the past four years you have known that he has substance problems. Why is it seen now as a problem. Or, have there been any intervention types of actions taken prior to now. Has he seen counsellors, have you and your wife and your son talked to any school counsellors, or gone to any community resourses to learn about drug problems with teenagers, and how to cope/parent them?

It is difficult to offer any advice without first knowing what has worked and what has not worked with your son already.

Have you ruled out any mental health or physical problems through your family Doctor, or other type of professional after having him properly assessed?

While you are worried for your wife, the immediate concern I have is for your son. I am hoping you can provide more information.

[clyde55]

Jake ,we moved back to our small city in pa. just about 7 months ago we lived in a large city in Florida for 9 years,in witch he was in and out of trouble ,so we decided to move back to our small town in witch we thought would be better for him but it turn out to be worst there seems to be more drugs and alohal abuse here since thers really not too much for a kid to do,he was in counselling in Florida ,now he is blaming us for bringing him back here,he saids he like doing it and nothing we do is going to change it,he saids he hates his mother,but its her that helps him out when gets in trouble,but now she in the prosess of moving out due to his anger against her

[Jake2008]

I don't envy you going through the teenage years. It is really a tough go for most of us.

I would set up counselling again, absolutely. He has to learn how to control his anger, and accept responsibility. The drug use needs to be addressed, and I would suggest that you enquire about diversion programs available to help kids like your son, to make better choices, before they end up in jail.

With summer coming on, tell him that he is expected to have a summer job. Offer to help him with his resume, and bring him around to places he wants to drop a resume in.

Until he agrees to counselling, a medical checkup, and job searching, I would not be allowing him the use of the car. Have consequences in place if he does not comply. Whatever you come up with is still a lot easier than facing a jail term.

There is a good chance that if he is buying drugs, he is likely selling drugs. At the very least, he's getting the money from somewhere. Has he also been stealing from home, or been in trouble before, with the law?

Don't give up!! Once you have the support you need, and a plan in place, and stick to it, he will gradually stop fighting if it is a fight he is never going to win. Seek out any sources of support, including you and your wife seeing an addiction counsellor if they are available in your area, and get some guidance and advice on what to do- and the support to do it. There are many places and counsellors who offer programs, including group sessions with other parents, who are in exactly the same boat as you are.

Speak to the school counsellor and find out what they know about his behaviour, attendance, etc. He may be getting good grades, but other areas may be troubling that the counsellors may know about, or have talked to him about.

I am so happy you stopped in here for some encouragement and advice. I am hoping others will weigh in as well. Many of us have been where you are now.

[talaniman]

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