[Alicea2329]

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 yrs. We have known each other since high school but didn't really keep in contact. 10 yrs later after he returned home from the Military and me from a bad relationship in California , our paths crossed. He seemed like the same nice smiley personable guy I knew in high school. Until we were married a year into our marriage I realized he was unmotivated, lazy, unreliable and just overall not the man I thought I married. 4 yrs later we have a 2 1/2 yr old and a 3 month old. We fight a lot mostly because of me and my resentment and anger toward him. I am a stay at home wife who does it all, with stay at home husband who does nothing. I honestly have contemplated leaving him probably after a yr 1/2 into this relationship. After our second child things got a bit difficult for me to just up and leave. I feel trapped, stuck and unable to leave because of my boys. I would feel like such a terrible mom if I took them away from their dad. I just don't know what to do. I so sick of crying and being angry and most of all pretending to be happy. He knows exactly how I feel, but doesn't seem to be enough to make him want to change. What do I do?

[JudyKayTee]

You go for counselling or you leave. He can go with you or not because you are going to preserve your own sanity.

I think children are in a worse situation when there is fighting and discord than they are in a one-parent home.

[ANGIE4124]

Resentment builds up over time and makes good if you want a feature brick wall in your marriage! If for whatever reason you have built it, be it that he is no longer the same nice smiley personable guy etc. Then you must be the first to demolish it before expecting others to change. It's a waste of time for someone to change when we harbour resentment, project anger and hostility towards them on a daily or periodic basis. It's a no win situation for all of you.

Given that you are understandably frustrated; pretending to be happy, feeling trapped and fight, I believe if anything, you both should be committed to stop all negative behaviour in front of your children pronto. It is not their problem! Plus there is the inevitable counselling with a neutral person in the room listening to your dynamics, where both of you do not have to pretend happiness. Sort of works like a pressure valve release.

In the meantime if you wish to keep it together, get some clear thinking by detoxify yourself from the past; seek the positive attributes you both have, they are there somewhere? Accept the cause that attribute to your present lifestyle; health, finances, unemployment, addictions, and as a suggestion, make those changes yourself before waiting or expecting others to do so? Impart that has been my tact with handling resentment etc. You start with yourself.

[babii9240]

Hi I'm tina I'm going threw the same thing no kids my husband is lazy emotionaly abusive sometimes phsically and can't keep a promise every time I leave he views pornography I'm stuck cause he is my payee and my family won't help me and we live with his mom I'm 21 he's 27 we have been married 2 years togther since I was 18 so I'm stuck oh yea he has ten cats lol so I'm in a huge spot so if you got a car and back up suportive family runnnn!! I wish I could I would oh yea he sometimes does crack.

[Dtourso]

Hi I have been with my husband for 33 years we where high school sweet harts. We have a 19yr old girl and a 14yr old boy. The problem is my husband seem to pick fights all the time with me and my daughter. He even thinks he can control my daughters money. He won't let her use her money that she works hard for and asked to see bank statement to see if she is spending and. I have been through hell with him but stay because of the kids. If I tell you everything we will be here forever. I have had enough I want out! It has opened up my eyes since he has started doing it to his daughter. He is making it hell for her now. He l

[JudyKayTee]

You should have left before he started abusing the children.

There is no reason you can't leave now.

What do you do to protect your daughter from him?

[Hope4mylife]

Leaving an abusive relationship of any kind whether it's physical, emotional, psychologically or financially abusive, can be so complex. And all though all the details of our relationship are so unique, they are the same in the way that these sick relationships impact us!!
SO, the bottom line is... There is only one way and is THE WAY OUT. I think that deep inside WE ALREADY KNOW THAT. We are intuitive women but we somehow give out our power. We allow these sick vampires to suck us dry little by little, day by day. But there is HOPE.

Just start "somewhere". That might look different from person to person. Maybe start by saving money and planning. Maybe start by going to counseling and regaining your own power( like I'm doing). Maybe just be bold and ove out to a family or friend that really cares about your situation. But do not stay for your kids. If anything your kids should be the reason why you would like to end with such unhealthy relationship. Because you want to provide the healthiest lives that you possibly can. It is not easy. I did it in the past with twins of 2 years old. And I am preparing myself to do it again. You can do it ladies! Lets support each other. I will post some info too... Good luck everyone.