[londonmale]

I have fallen hook line and sinker for a straight male friend who I have been socializing with for the past 2 years. We are both late 30's so not young kids, he has a girlfriend but is a serial shagger I.e. He has other women when he can. He is now considering leaving his long term girlfriend for a girl he left his long term girlfriend for once before, I know complicated. Now, problem is he texts/e-mails me daily and tells me all of his problems, tells me he misses me when I don't see him, tells me he wouldn't know what to do without me in his life. He knows I am gay by the way.

I recently told him I was going on a date, he made a comment about trying to make him jealous, I have also caught him looking at me in what I think a sexual way, this of course could be my mind working over time. We have shared the same bed a couple of times, nothing sexual, recently if I have stayed over, one has the bed the other the sofa. Last week we were out and he pulled some random woman, I was inwardly furious with jealousy, so much so that I felt physically sick (pathetic I know). The following day I woke and thought I cannot do this anymore, I am sending myself crazy.

He text to ask if I was okay. I said no, I need to stop socializing all of the time, I made an excuse that the excessive drinking was sending me mad. Since then he has text to say he misses me. I cannot help but think that I am being used by this person, I need to grow up right and realize nothing will ever come of it? Easier said than done! Please give me some stern advice to make this pain a little easier. Thank you.

[Jake2008]

Some friendships are just so unbalanced that they are doomed to fail.

Think about needs and wants here. Regardless of you being gay, and him being straight, he sounds like a less than stellar catch either way. He is a serial cheater, which makes him a very poor choice for any sort of relationship. Then when he needs to sort his last fiasco out, he bends your ear, to make himself feel better. And then he carries on as he always has. Sort of like a person who goes to church to confess their sins, and then turns around and sins again, and heads back to church the following Sunday. Clearly he has a pattern of behaviour that is destructive.

So where do you fit in. You are there for him, faithfully a true friend, turning a blind eye to his behaviour that leaves you feeling miserable. Should it ever come about that he IS attracted to you, would you settle for this type of person?

Friendship is a two way street, and when one person is an emotional punching bag for the other, it is easy to get all used up. And being a good friend hasn't made him a different person despite your willingness to hang onto any thread with this man, good or bad.

Try thinking instead of realizing that he is not a friend, and he is not gay, and likely never will be more than he is now. Do you really want to spend more years of your life in pursuit of a man that will never satisfy your needs?

As hard as it is, shine the harsh light of day on this situation. Don't be afraid to say enough is enough, and let this friend go. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. Think about a healthier relationship with a more compatible person. He, is not 'the one'.

[Fr_Chuck]

So why don't you start just dating women? Sound silly, so does thinking he will date you.

There is no "looks" it is all in your mind, you are or have made this into an obsession. So just stop hanging out with him, and start finding someone you can date.

[I wish]

The more you talk to him, the more confused you're going to feel.

I would go with 100% no contact so that you can heal properly and move on with your life.

Check out this sticky and scroll down to the no contact posts: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-590267.html

[londonmale]

Hi Jake2008, thanks for the advice, it's been invaluable. I did what you suggested only to find that it had been relayed to other people whilst in the pub, I now look and feel like a complete fool as well as a complete eye opener. I will now try and avoid at all costs, as he really doesn't deserve a friend like me.

[londonmale]

Now over it, thanks people that didn't take too long, amazing what a little bit of space can do for the mind...