[Aefc85]

So I have known my husband for 9 years. We were on and off dating, and was the best guy around. Finally this last year we got married. The man adores me and says I drive him wild. Recently though, I noticed his attraction to the Tinker Bell character . We started a Disney pin collection and I noticed what he purchased more of was Tinker Bell. At first I thought... ok if he keeps it up it will seem kind of gay, as girls are the ones that dig the Tinker Bell, and so do little girls.

Then I started seeing figurines pop up around the house and I was getting a bit annoyed with it. To make the story short, I went through his phone last night and I found videos of him masturbating on a tinker bell doll he apparently has. I was disgusted and shocked.

I was up late and honestly started wondering if I could even last as a newly wed. Our sex life is fine but he is constantly horny and becomes aroused. Y me to often, yet most of the time I don't provoke anything that would turn him on.

We had our civil marriage back in September of 2011, now our big wedding is coming up May 2012, and I'm honestly thinking of just putting it all on hold. I don't desire to celebrate anything, yet most of the wedding is paid for ahead of time.

I even doubt I would want to ever have kids with him. I can't trust him with that fetish. I'm kind of freaking out and wonder if I can even spend the rest of my life with him. I love him so much as he has done a lot for me and cares for me, even while I'm unemployed. But this, to me, has gone too far.

Am I overreacting?

Is he the only man who does this? Or are most men secretly fetish driven? Some advice would help.

We are both 27 and I'm kind of shocked and scared that he is doing this.

[cdad]

First off it doesn't sound like whatever is going on is interfering with your normal relationship. From the way your stating things it seems you haven't talked to him yet. That is going to be the key to your survival. Without talking to him there can be no resolution. It may be that he needs some help. It also may be that he needs no help at all. From a non clinical aspect I can't tell you if its normal or not. Its not something I would do but its not something that may not fir into the box called "the norm".

Talk it out and see where it leads without accusing him.

[Fr_Chuck]

Everyone ( well most anyway) have some fettish. From feet, to shoes, to bondage and more.

So he perhaps likes to masterbate looking at tinkerbell. All men masterbate to something or thinking about something. That is just men.

I would guess he would like you to wear a tinkerbell outfit sometimes, Many guys prefer cheer leader outfits or naughty school girl outfits.

Others like handcuffs or playing bad police officer.

This is one of the minor ones I have heard of.

So WHY can't you trust him ? Would it have been better if he had big busted women photos he was looking at. I think this is a serious over reaction. Should he have told you, yes, but I guess he was scared that you would act? Well act just like you are.

[Homegirl 50]

You should talk to him and let him know how you feel. But if it creeps you out that much don't marry him.
I realize people can have weird fetishes but that does not mean you have to be cool with them.
If it bothers you, it does, You should not have to deal with it if you can', just as he should not have to stop if he does not want to.

[cdad]

You should talk to him and let him know how you feel. But if it creeps you out that much don't marry him.
I realize people can have weird fetishes but that does not mean you have to be cool with them.
If it bothers you, it does, You should not have to deal with it if you can', just as he should not have to stop if he does not want to.

Op has already married the man. I think it's a question of keeping the relationship or not. The main issue seems about trust revolving around this fetish issue.

[odinn7]

Op has already married the man. I think its a question of keeping the relationship or not. The main issue seems about trust revolving around this fetish issue.

Not really... it is a little confusing but the OP does state this:

We had out civil marriage back in September of 2011, now our big wedding is comin up for may 2012 and I honestly think of just putting it all on hold.

[CliffARobinson]

As far as "is this normal", what is normal today? Generally, in order for it to be classified as 'Fetishism' according to the diagnostic criteria, the following need to be present:

(1) Unusual sexual fantasies, drives or behavior occur over a time span of at least six months. Sometimes unusual sexual fantasies occur and vanish by themselves; in this case any medical treatment is not necessary.

(2) The affected person, their object or another person experience impairment or distress in multiple functional areas. Functional area refers to different aspects of life such as private social contacts, job, etc. It is sufficient for the diagnosis if one of the participants is being hurt or mistreated in any other way.

Bottom line, if the Fetish is affecting his private life, if it is hurting you, if it is the only way he can get aroused, if he is using it as a replacement for intimacy, then these are all signs of him possibly needing Cognitive Behavior Therapy or Counseling.

I think you are making the leap that the choice of Fetish object, (in this case, a Tinker Bell figurine), points to an unseen deviance you have yet to discover. This is not necessarily the case. The reasons for fetishism has been debated for a few hundred years, but the latest thinking is that the reasons are as individual as the person's personality and life experience.

While my answer so far covers the technicality of his Tinker Bell fetish, it doesn't address how you feel about it. It doesn't matter why, really. If this affects you enough that you are contemplating changing plans, then you need to do something about it.

The best bet is communicate with him, however, don't be surprised if he is angry that you went and looked on his phone. Having said that, why did he take pictures of himself doing that? Is it to relive the experience later, or is he sharing those pictures with people with similar fetishes?

It's time to find out by sitting down and talking with him. Just remember. While it's not every day you hear someone has a Fetish like this, it doesn't automatically mean something more sinister is going on, but you do need to communicate and proceed accordingly.

[geminichick]

Many women and men have fetishes. Honestly, what woman is not turned on by seeing a man in uniform. It's not abnormal but if it really bothers you than you should talk to him about it. Maybe the both of you could come to a common ground about the issue.

Me personally... if I were in your shoes... which I know I'm not... I would dress up like tinker bell in the love making. I'm not suggesting that you do that if it makes you uncomfortable... or creeps you out.

[smoothy]

Not really...it is a little confusing but the OP does state this:

After the Civil ceremony IS legally married... the other one is just for show.

[tink man]

Well I'm a guy and I have a tinkerbell fetish to my wife hates it she sez its gay but I'm not just don't know y I have that fetish but it is just a thing I like . I them 31 and love tinkerbell what can I say its normal to me and thers others to just let him b him it will work out and no it is what makes him happy on the side and he's not cheaten on you that mite be his control methid

[JudyKayTee]

Well I'm a guy and I have a tinkerbell fetish to my wife hates it she sez its gay but I'm not just don't no y I have that fetish but it is just a thing I like . I em 31 and love tinkerbell what can I say its normal to me and thers others to just let him b him it will work out and no it is what makes him happy on the side and he's not cheaten on you that mite be his control methid

What? He has a Tinkerbell fetish in order to control his wife?

[odinn7]

When I read that, I think... I think he was saying he uses the Tinkerbell fetish as a methid to control his cheaten.

[tink man]

No meant that its his way to enjoy life and release stress has nothing to do with her my wife is the same way she get upset with me for the tinkerbell calechin and fetish but that is my way out to fantasy land and get off some say its wrong but I've herd whers things

[JudyKayTee]

No ment that its his way to enjoy life and release stress has nothing to do with her my wife is the same way she get upset with me for the tinkerbell calechin and fetish but that is my way out to fantasy land and get off some say its wrong but I've herd whers things

What is "Tinkerbell calechin"?

[smoothy]

The mental picture of a burly guy in a tutu just made me throw up a little in my mouth.

[JudyKayTee]

The mental picture of a burly guy in a tutu just made me throw up a little in my mouth.

You know, something like this (husband/boyfriend prances out of the bedroom in a pink tutu and ballet slippers) could cause life-time problems such as never wanting to go to Disneyland on vacation.

[Homegirl 50]

you know, something like this (husband/boyfriend prances out of the bedroom in a pink tutu and ballet slippers) could cause life-time problems such as never wanting to go to disneyland on vacation.

Oh My GOD!!

[tink man]

What is "Tinkerbell calechin"?

Colector

[tink man]

What is "Tinkerbell calechin"?

Collector of tinkerbell stuff

[JudyKayTee]

Collector of tinkerbell stuff

Tinkerbell collection?