[daisyx]

A year ago I left a 30 year marriage. My husband was controlling and emotionally abusive. About 6 months ago, I started living with a friend of mine that I work with. We have a sexually relationship and are best friends. We decided that when we first got together that we would not have any commitments to one another. He just broke up with his girlfriend of 4 years. We get along very well together but I am worried that he will leave me for someone else and that he is just using me for the time being until someone better comes along. Am I being crazy and possessive. I think that I love him but I'm scared to bring up the subject in case he thinks that I am trying to control him. His last girlfriend that controlling. Should I just go with the flow or bring it all out in the open and suffer the consequences?

[CatieV]

Well, if you want to declare your feelings, I think you absolutely can but do it in such a manner that does not scare him off: don't do any grand gestures, just hold him tight and say how great you feel when you are together and then if you casually say I Love You, it shouldn't make him tense. If it does, tell him that you are saying it not to involve him into another stage of your relationships but simply stating a fact - just because right now, this minute you feel you love him. As for you worrying that he might be using you because no one better came across just yet, this fear, I believe, is very common and even if you get married - hypothetically - it will not make him blind towards other women. Married men cheat too, as you know. So as long as you two stay the best frinds and a caring couple even if without strict commitments, you will be fine. All the best!

[geminichick]

Did you receive the help you needed for the abuse from your ex-husband. Women who have been abused and not received help are victims of abuse again and again. It's a vicious cycle.It like you have abuse me writeen all over your forehead.

This co-worker that your living with is using you for his own sexual purposes which leaves you a victim once again. Do you have someone you can stay with? At least until you find your own place to stay. Like a family member... atrusted girlfriend.

Having a sexual relationship with someone you work with can be very complicting. Especially when the sex dies out of the relationship. It makes the work environment very tense and uncomfortable.

Don't just trust everyone you come across. Not every guy you meet is a good trustworthy man. Write out what you want in a prospective man and what you don't want. Look for the signs for what you went through in your past abusive relationship. Signs of possessiveness... control... jealousy.

The last thing I wanted to add is when your working in a professional environment with a co-worker... that's what the relationship should be strictly professional and platonic.