[hurtmum]

I went through the same situation as you for many years but did not have the courage to leave and felt that my children were better off with two parents even though their father was unavailable to them emotionally and they were witnessing their mother being abused. Emotional and verbal abuse is invisible to onlookers but it will destroy yourself confidence and self esteem if you allow it to continue. Children who are witness to this type of abuse sometimes develop the same way of relating to other women as they get older as this is all they know. I would tell my boys that as they got older this is not the way that men should talk to women and all people deserve a right to be spoken to and treated with respect. My boys are all grown now and I do see certain behaviour traits in them that were probably from the environment they were subjected to. What I'm trying to say is think very carefully about your decision because it is not always best to stay for the children's sake as your son will look up to his father as a role model and if your husband is not treating you respectfully this will have more of an impact on yopur son's life than you may think. My thoughts are with you you have years on your side, if your husband agrees to counselling I would make this a condition of you considering reconciliation. Good luck.

[rita76]

Hi, I have been married to an abuser for 20 year. We separated a year ago. However we realized that we are not better off separated. Our son took it very bad, he is failing school, smoking, got mixed up with the wrong crowd. We both lost our jobs, as we could not handle the separation really well.Our house is in foreclosure, and nobody can function.We were together since we were 18 and it proved to be difficult to be apart. Life is hell compared to a few disagreements and abuse on his behalf that we had before.

I am not sure what to do, my husband has been in counseling for a year, is willing to take medications, stopped drinking, and we just started marriage counseling, and he insisited on it. We both dated, I tried to have another relationship, but I think I want tp get back together with my husband. Everybody advices against it and painting the scary pics. That's the only reason, I am not back with him yet. According to the books he will not change, I am a woman with the abused syndrome, etc.
What is the best way out of this?

[JudyKayTee]

You have to do what is right for you, go where your heart is. Maybe you need to give him a chance to change. Maybe you need to change.

No one can tell you what to do. Do the people who are advising you to leave know the whole story, how difficult the relationship was when you were apart?