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Ladyinblack · Jan 25, 2012, 02:35 PM

My ex, aka best friend and lover for 3 years, broke up with me about 2 months ago. I of course think about him everyday, I don't cry as much whatsoever, and I'm beginning to see new men, but it's not the same. He knows I love him, and I would love to try things again. I just KNOW there is something about us that can fix any situation. We broke up because we kept fighting about trust issues, and looking back on it now I feel so stupid and *****y. He doesn't make any contact with me, doesn't talk about me to anyone, and is back to the old self he was before he met me; a fake coolness and "I'm the ****" jock personality. He's even smoking and doing drugs; NOT the man I knew before whatsoever. I really hope he's only going through a phase, because this isn't the real him at all. I guess I just miss the old us. What do you guys think? Should I still save some of myself for him? Initiate contact sometime soon? Anything?

DoulaLC · Jan 25, 2012, 03:54 PM

Would the trust issues be something that could be resolved? Otherwise, there would be little point in even attempting to reconcile as you would likely repeat the same patterns of behavior as before.

He may be acting out in these destructive ways due to his own sense of loss over the relationship. However, since his current behavior is how he was before he met you, could it be that THIS is the real him? Also, consider carefully what the trust issues were about and how they came to be. It can be easy to forget the problems when you are focusing on the good times.

You could contact him and let him know your thoughts. Then leave him to make the next move. Just be aware that it may not go how you might hope it does and you could be hurt again. It would be a chance that you would have to consider.

If you were able to slowly, build a new and improved relationship, great. If he isn't interested any longer, you go back to moving forward and meeting new people.

Homegirl 50 · Jan 25, 2012, 04:08 PM

He broke up with you. If he wanted contact he would initiate it.
I say move on. Let the wound heal. It takes time.

mmresd · Jan 25, 2012, 04:49 PM

What he is doing now is none of your business. You need to go no contact, and give you two enough space to properly heal from the relationship. It seems like you still want to fix this... this is a clear indication that you are not over the relationship. You NEED to get over it.

As far as what he does, it is his life, one which you are currently not a part of. People change, situations change, embrace the change and keep moving forward.

talaniman · Jan 26, 2012, 06:26 AM

Forget what he is doing, leave him alone and keep doing your own thing, but stop looking for a boyfriend to replace the old one. As a matter of fact, it makes you think of the ex even more, and right now, nobody can compete with those old feelings.

Break ups suck because you lose a very comfortable part of you, and its miserable, and takes time for the healing process to work, so you can find yourself again. It gets better.