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joelebaltazar · Jan 23, 2012, 05:26 PM

I'm 22 she is 20. We broke up Christmas because of her always hiding things from me. Turns out she wanted to start clubbing and going out drinking with her friends. It really got to me because I had asked her throughout our 3 years if she wanted to do all that and she said no. Now out of nowhere on Christmas she starts saying that's what she wants to do. I couldn't help but feel betrayed since she had lied to me all the time. I don't drink or smoke. I'm not into the clubbing scene.

What I really wanted was a great girl who I could trust and there would be no secrets but it wasn't her. What hurts the most is that I'm without her now, I have no friends and to top all of she lives 4 houses away from me so it makes it worse. She has many friends and she doesn't care if they drink or smoke. On the other hand I'm very selective of my friends I don't like hanging with people who drink or do drugs. I'm depressed over her while she most likely is going out while I stay home alone every weekend? What can I do?

talaniman · Jan 23, 2012, 05:41 PM

She changed her mind about partying, so she didn't betray you. Find some friends like you and have good clean adult fun, instead of sitting all depressed.

She wasn't the one, good riddance. Break ups suck, but it will get better. Let her do her thing, and you find your own to do.

mmresd · Jan 23, 2012, 07:33 PM

She might not have lied to you, maybe she didn't want to at the time, but now she does. Another thing is what she wanted to do with you and what she wanted to do by herself might be different, and you should have respected her wishes. It seems like maybe you need a little more self esteem and confidence, your girlfriend going out to party is natural, you hang out with your friends and she hangs out with hers. Time apart is just if not more important than time together in a relationship.

However, this all does not matter, this relationship is over, what you do is cut complete contact with her and start moving on. The reason why I gave you the advise above is for your next relationship, not this one. Respect the break up, respect her, and go do your own thing.

jakester · Jan 23, 2012, 07:45 PM

My man, when you think of the things that you admire in a girl: not smoking, not drinking, not clubbing, a more settled and less dramatic existence, does your ex fit that description? It does not sound like it.

After the breakup, your emotions begin to lead you astray... you start thinking about the fact that you are alone and how much that hurts... you start to idealize your past relationship with your ex, which is exaggerated because of the pain you feel now. But reality is a different thing and you have to come to grips with reality. You are a different person than she is... that's OK... nothing wrong with that. You shouldn't feel badly about who you are. But you need not judge her for what she does... that only makes you angry and bitter... let her be.

The truth is, as time passes and your heart heals, you will be grateful that you broke up with her. Right now, you need to look after yourself and focus on your life. Now is the time to refocus on what your life's direction should be and what your goals are. That will give you a sense of purpose. Volunteering helps because it takes the focus off yourself and allows you to heal by loving others... we draw strength from others when we are hurting; it's a fact.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 23, 2012, 08:19 PM

People between 17 and 25 ( and everyone in some ways) change, she may have changed her values, wanted to try doing some partys.

First a person does not have to drink to go out to parties, most will be, but does not mean you can't go hang with people who do drink and you not drink.

Next what do you do, find a new girl friend, look at church groups you go to ( really) or girls you go to school or work with and so on.

emmalouise390 · Jan 23, 2012, 11:49 PM

That is not lying Mate, have you ever thought that maybe your girlfriend had changed her mind or decided that maybe she want's to go out and party at 20 years old? Maybe she might of told you she doesn't want to party because of how you treat her. Maybe she was worried that you wouldn't let her go with her friends.(which may I saw is a NORMAL thing for a 20 year old woman to want to do) You sound like if she goes out partying it's a bad thing because its not what you like to do... just because you don't like to go out and drink doesn't mean she can't go out and drink! You are only 20 - 22 years old, this is the time of life where you are meant to enjoy it.. have fun.. stop taking life so damn seriously... maybe she might have 'loved' you more if you just took her out for a drink like a normal 22 year old man would! And what kind of selfish idiot breaks up with their girlfriend on christmas day because she wants to go out and party?? Seriously grow up! She is probably a lot more happier now living her life the way she wants to! Man up and go have a beer! You only live once, just sayin'

joelebaltazar · Jan 24, 2012, 10:51 AM

Thanks for the answers. In other words I need to let go and move on and let her do her thing. Were in different places in life.

talaniman · Jan 24, 2012, 11:49 AM

You got it.

joelebaltazar · Jan 24, 2012, 04:42 PM

Threads have been merged and edited.

Been staying home alone this past month and need to get out. I have no friends. I don't drink or smoke. No bars or clubs. What can I do? What kind of places can I go out to and have fun if I'm going alone? Any suggestions?

talaniman · Jan 24, 2012, 07:10 PM

Threads have been merged and edited.

What are your hobbies, interests and favorite activities?

mmresd · Jan 24, 2012, 07:16 PM

You can do anything you wants and have fun. It is the mind set that needs to change. I cannot tell you what you would like because our interest are different, I could tell you going to a bar/club would be really beneficial and dancing with another females or just having a drink with some male friends is fun, but that is fun to me. You need to try different things, look at everything in a positive light, and you will start making the friends that you do not have and start figuring out what type of things you like to do. Normally after a break up, I try to stay out of the house and stay really focused on work and video games.