[Gs_gifttoher]

I have been with my girlfriend for 5 months now, and I can say that we have been through a lot. In the start of our relationship everything was swell. As we approached our 2nd month of our relationship we started to argue. Argue about things that really weren't a big deal to me. One that stirred up most of our arguments was about her ex. She broke up with him because of him cheating on her, and that she loved him.

What I don't get is her still talking to him, as if nothing bad happened between the two. Further more the arguments didn't stop; subject matter? You've guessed it her ex. Now it got to the point where I was now uncomfortable with her talking to him. She admitted to me the other day after playing a game of dare or truth that she still had feelings for him. I got mad and wanted to leave, and break up with her, but she cried, and told me continuously that she'll do everything to make this work between me n her, and that she's so sorry.

So I gave her a chance, and because I love her I forgave her. 3 to 4 days later I caught her texting him since before Christmas. Again I was mad, but this time I was more hurt, and in the way at the same time didn't know what and how to feel. We are in the process of fixing things now, because I can't let o of her, and I don't want to give up on us. I love this girl to death, and I have never ever hurt her emotionally, or physically, and never will.

I want to trust her again, and love her like no other person have. Please help I really need great advisor's right now. I'm stuck and don't know what to do. People tell me to leave her but my heart doesn't, even though its been hurt by the same person. I love her to death... help!

[talaniman]

Talaniman Rule - Never, ever give your heart to a stranger with an ex still in their lives.

You are learning a very hard lesson, because its obvious they still have unresolved issues between them. That you see this as an issue, and it has caused conflict so soon in this relationship, maybe you should back up, slow down, and see what you are up against, because you can love all you want, but after 5 months and you feel you have gone through a lot, then you have to see what YOU are doing and stop!

She cries, and you fall for and believe the tears, but her actions haven't changed. That's enough to let this go in my book, and tell you heart to shut up for a while and use the brain.

I mean, how crazy is it to not trust a partner so soon in a relationship?

How crazy are conflict over an ex, one who had his own behavior problems and she still stays in touch with?

That's foolish in light of the FACTS, as obviously, whatever happened between them is not over, and you will be crushed in the middle of this crap.

Protect yourself, from a safe distance. Sorry guy, BUT your heart is leading you into a brick wall because she isn't over him or healed enough to be a healthy partner. Love doesn't even count anymore. Common sense does though, sorry.

[Gs_gifttoher]

She promises that she'll change and tells me to that I'll see it and that she understands that she messed up. All I can do now and I've told her this because I am an open person is that I gave her a chance now its me giving her the benefit of the doubt and just say hell with it, so what if I get hurt again not like I've never been hurt before. They say "its not worth getting hurt by the opposition, you just got to find the ones worth hurting for", but thank you that was helpful.

[talaniman]

So what if you do get hurt again? You chose to take that risk again didn't you? You will still have a choice later. Just stay cool and in control of yourself, and see if her words, and actions match. You will either overcome this together, or overcome it apart from each other. Just make sure your best foot is put forward no matter what happens.

Your choice to live in fear, and see the boogyman in every shadow, or suspicious of every action. That will hurt as bad as anything she can do to hurt you.

[Gs_gifttoher]

:( today before I went to class we had a serious talk, because she just had a talk with her mom and dad about us in the process of us tlking I had ask her if whe wanted to break up, it took a minute but she replied yes. She wanted to find herself again and that she says that she still believes in us and that we'll find our way to each other again... I want to believe this I really do but what if sometime down the road she moves on? I'm hurt but I manned up and told myself to believe... I love her still and can't let go... I want to hold on so that when she's ready my arms will be wide open for her... help

[talaniman]

QUOTE by Gs_gifttoher;
( today before I went to class we had a serious talk, because she just had a talk with her mom and dad about us in the process of us tlking I had ask her if whe wanted to break up, it took a minute but she replied yes. She wanted to find herself again

Finally some honesty!!! At least now she has told you what she wants, to be single and on her own.

and that she says that she still believes in us and that we'll find our way to each other again...

That may be true, but you better be skeptical until and IF it will actually happen. Until then all you have are hopeful words to either hide her true feelings, or soften the blow of a break up. Probably BOTH!!

I want to believe this I really do but what if sometime down the road she moves on?

What if she does? Just like you asked before, what if you get hurt again? Well you have gotten hurt again, right.

I'm hurt but I manned up and told myself to believe...

Believe what? That she has hurt you AGAIN? Yes she did, NOW its your turn to make a decision, a choice for yourself. More honesty is needed... SELF honesty!!

I love her still and can't let go... I want to hold on so that when she's ready my arms will be wide open for her...

OH CRAP!! Of course you still love her, and DON'T want to let go... yet! She just dumped you and you are in shock, denial, and disbelief! In time that will change and you will feel stupid standing in limbo with open arms waiting for her to change her mind. Especially when sh moves on and dates others.

help!!

Get your gear together, thank her for a lovely time, wish her well, and Disappear from her life and have NO CONTACT, so you can heal, and deal with reality. That's what helps you deal with reality, hurt feelings, and move you forward.

Talaniman Rule - When you get dumped, you disappear, and go back to doing your own thing without her

Build a life that you enjoy with friends, family, and activities that make you happy. After the emotional dust settles, and the shock has worn off. Takes time.

[rashtok]

You are not her shrink nor her rock, you deserve someone who loves you fully not loves you just because you are supporting her addiction on her ex, she still loves him and you were a rebound that is still on she is using you because she needs affection and love that she is not getting from her ex. Let her go now and when she s clean inside and she s ready to be with someone without having er ex on her mind then you give her a chance but now all your doing is wrong go out there live your life its not the end! No one dies your heart will ache for a while but you will get something true after all. Start right and ull get it right