[busybee25]

Hey Smoothy... Its been long that I am writing on here again. And I quite appreciated what all you mentioned. I did try looking for people. I tried on Fb, I tried talking to people over the phone, I met people for that matter. But all that I got was filth and nothing else. I am looking for a soulmate. A someone whom I can share my complete self with.Someone whom I can shower all my love on. Someone who can be me and I can be him, yet both of us being our own selves. I wish to find the love of my life. Well am not sure if its according to the rules of this website or not, but whoever reads this, If there is a someone out there who feels like it, can reach out to me. But no filth please. Am tired of dealing with filth and crap. What have you to say on this Smoothy??

[smoothy]

You have to keep looking... I didn't find mine until my late 20's.

You have to keep your eyes open, and not just claim you are... and understand that by looking for only certain physical aspects... you are going to miss the best people.

There are a lot of nice people out there waiting... and plenty of people that have closed their eyes to everything except one specific thing they invented in their minds. And they never see the fantastic people around them because of it.

And on the other part... this isn't a dating site... and the rules prohibit it.

[talaniman]

Whose problem is it all you have found is filth, and crap? May I suggest its you that is the problem?

Do you have a happy life WITHOUT a soul mate yet??

[busybee25]

Thanks once again Smoothy. Your answers always give me more hope when I am in the dark. And yeah I understand that its against the rules to be asking for someone on here and am sorry about that. But I always keep whatever you tell me in mind and I haven't tied my mind in chains. All I want is a wonderful person who knows humility. That's all. I have never restricted myself to looks and stuff like that. And I'll keep the spirit burning in me. Thank you again. I really appreciate your answers :)

Hey Talaniman,

Thanks for taking out time to write. But am sorry your answer was rather offending. Though its your opinion and I honor each individual's opinion and thoughts. But even then, what you wrote was rather hurting :'(

[smoothy]

Oh... one important thing I think I failed to mention...

The "Woe is me" mindset will send people running the other way...

Men and women both like an aire of confidence and happiness with potiential mates. Feeling bad about yourself has a way of being noticed by others even if you never say a word...

You have to take an approach of "I will be happy today with what I have... " each day... the less importance you place on finding a soul mate... the less it bothers you, and the more confident you will become. And before you know it... you will bump into that perfect person at the moment you least expect it.

A soul mate is never found by design... they are discovered by accident.

[talaniman]

What part of, stop looking for a soul mate and building a life that makes you happy with friends, family and activities that you enjoy, is it you are offended by?

What part of looking at yourself, and making yourself happy without a soul mate, is offensive to you?

If all you have seen is filth and crap, then you are either looking for love in the wrong places, or taking the wrong approach. If you recognize your own wrong, places, or approach, you can find a better path.

Do you even know what you want? What makes a person filth and crap, before you KNOW them? You write as though you don't want friends, and activities, but a soul mate or nothing. That could take many years my friend, so relax and enjoy your life until that soul mate does appear.

[busybee25]

Hiya Smoothy,

Thanks a ton for your super help. Its really thoughtful of you to be mentioning about the point that you just mentioned in your last message. Thank you soooooooo much :)

[busybee25]

Hey Talaniman,

I thank you for taking out time and writing to me again. Well please don't take me wrong. And yes I am a very jumpy bubbly person. Its not that I keep a sad face all the time. There's lots to be happy about in life. I have lots of friends. A few who I haven't even met but we are friends since years. Its all good that way. But the hollow is just that one special person in ones life who am still waiting for. To share the love that of a companion. I said I got filth and crap because a lot of times it happened that a few males didn't behave decently. And unfortunately these were people whom I trusted and they behaved filthy. That's what I meant by filth and crap...

[busybee25]

Hey Smoothy/ Talaniman,

Thanks both of you for sticking to me, while helping me with things. There you go again- I got in touch with a person on the internet. We are connected to each other since a few months now. We came very close emotionally. Then I got to know that he is involved with another woman as well. He kept telling lies about me to her and vise-versa. Still I was patient with him because by now I started loving him, so much that this could lead to marriage. Even after knowing about the other woman I kept telling him to please own up with her and it will be all fine with us. Coz its wrong to be with two females at the same time. Better still I told him if he loved the other woman more he can tell me about it and I'll skip out. But it never happened. I felt really suffocated with this. Finally both we females made friends with each other. I told her all the truth about us. And there was a lot of chaos for about 3 days. Then finally he closed his account where all of us (him, me and the other woman) were there together. And has made up a new account and is continuing with the other female. He has also made a separate account for me. And wants me to continue with him on that isolated account. I declined saying that I have seen his new account with that other female that he has made. This just happened because I didn't agree to get on cam sex with him and the other woman did get into it with him. Now tell me Talaniman, you say that the problem is in me. Is this the reward that you get to love someone with the depth of your heart?? I mean I don't carry my past on my shoulders, and always socialize with people. Be good to them etc. I am all open for love. I give love freely to everyone- friends family- new friends-everyone. And both of us just started with being friends, but things just took us in a way that I fell in love with him (he said he loves me too but of course I don't believe that now). Now you would wonder how did we go so far ahead in the relationship without meeting each other. The answer to this is that both of us stay in different countries. We chat on the net talk over the phone, and had plans to meet up soon. But this is what came up in front of me. All this has one more time shaken my faith. Tell me how should I join the broken pieces of my heart back again one more time :'(

[smoothy]

First... find a guy that's NOT a loser like this clown was... You saw him for what he was... for all you both knew I bet he was already married too. And there was likely more than just you two.

The INTERNET can be a fine place... but it can be incredibly cold too.. as there are more than a few liars, cheats and worse.

This is because they can hide behind anonymity. And many people pretend to be something they aren't, because they can.

You have to kiss a few toads before you find your Prince.

Your heart is going to be broken a few times first... and it will help you recognise a good person when you finally meet them. YOu don't know good until you've known a few bad ones.

You are still far better off with someone near you... you can see them, there are other people that will know them, and you are less likely to find a truly dangerous person.

But you have to keep a positive attitude, and remind yourself.. you are a good person, you don't have to settle for less than another good person.

If you aren't sure what I mean... think back to your first love... how certain you were they were the absolute person for you then... now think back using what you have learned since... and how they werefar from being the great person you thought after all.

Experience is the best teacher. And you have to have a few bad relationships to know what a good one really is.

[talaniman]

The difference between you and me, I don't give my heart freely to a stranger after a few months. I do have fun and interact with those I enjoy, but there is no commitment until I KNOW they deserve my heart, trust, loyalty, and respect, and know what to do with them. I have my own boundaries of good behavior I live within, as I will admit to dating many at the same time, but honest about it in the beginning. Some like it, some did NOT, oh well.

To answer your question though, it was you not him that fell in love and were hurt by it, so you heal, and carry on. Such is the way of life when we follow our hearts into the unknown. Nothing wrong with that as long as you accept the risks of going for what you want.

In this way you can hope for the best and plan for the worst, and be ready when the plan falls apart. A few months of on line connection with some one so far away and truly unknown to you, sounds like a great risk to me. You took a BIG risk I think looking for marriage from such an adventure, and your decision to keep going was based on feelings, and NOT facts.

You should always look to pay the consequences of taking a risk, when things don't work as you want them to, and reap the blessings when they do.

Know when, and how to let go, when it doesn't work, and take time to heal. In this way you regain the strength and confidence to regroup, and be ready for more risks of your heart. Read my signature, below, and get FACTS before you take that next risk, because feelings can change for many reasons, and what looks like gold, may NOT be.

I can appreciate the depth of your disappointment though, but be patient, hurt go away as the emotional wounds heal. Just takes TIME!

[busybee25]

Thank you Smoothy/ Talaniman,

You both have been really kind taking out time, writing to me. I guess both of you are right. Though Talaniman, you said it was me who loved and not him. Instead it was he all the time who kept saying that he loved me in ways more than I could have ever thought of. However now after whatever happened I agree to Smoothy that I have just known one other woman besides me that he was playing games with, it can be more. In fact even now this other woman doesn't trust him, and feels that there is another girl, who addresses him as a brother, is also going around with him. She doubts this because earlier even this other woman also used to call him her brother but their relationship changed to a love affair from a bro-sis relationship. So that way Talaniman, may be you are right in saying that he didn't love me, because if he would have loved me truly he wouldn't have played such nasty games with me. And its correct at the same time that I should draw a line and be sure before I give away my heart to someone. Know what initially when he expressed his love, I just told him that this is not a practical thing to do while us being on the internet and not knowing each other for real. He always kept telling me about his tragedies in life, majorly, that no girl is willing to marry him, because no one is ready to take the responsibility of his 4 year old kid, besides the other hardships of his life. This is how slowly slowly I started feeling for him in the process of trying to help him through his tough times in life, thinking and really trusting on him that he is lonely and needs me :( Anyway finally today after gathering lot of courage I have shut that account forever. And I feel that with the help of wonderful well wishers like you, I will sure be able to fight this rough patch in my life and come out to be a stronger person more than most. I thank you both for really being so kind while helping me out with things. God bless both of you :)

[smoothy]

The Germans has a saying that holds true.

"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"

Our past mistakes improve our character only if we learn from them. While I can not speak for Talaniman on that, I can state it has shaped me into who I am today. Because trust me... I've made my share of mistakes in my youth.

[talaniman]

The Germans has a saying that holds true.

"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"

Our past mistakes improve our character only if we learn from them. While I can not speak for Talaniman on that, I can state it has shaped me into who I am today. Because trust me...I've made my share of mistakes in my youth.

Totally agree, Smoothy, unfortunately, my youth is gone now, but not making mistakes, LOL.

[smoothy]

Totally agree, Smoothy, unfortunately, my youth is gone now, but not making mistakes, LOL.

Much the same here too... but I do make far fewer mistakes these days than I did 30 years ago. At least I don't repeat the same ones any more.

[busybee25]

Oh thanks to both of you, Smoothy and Talaniman, you guys are great people. Whatever mistakes I have made or trouble that I have been going through, the good part is that I have got to know that the world still has good people like the two of you. Someone did mistakes or not, the important part is that end of the day one is a good human being. And I realized that both of you are awesome people. And am so glad. I thank both of you one more time to be there when I needed help. Cheers!!

[smoothy]

Glad we could help.

[busybee25]

Yeah Smoothy, it's a great help. But know what, it still pains me inside, because whatever he has done to me, I had true emotions for him. So it pains me :'( I see him talking and rather romancing with that other woman, and it kills me inside :'( :'( :'(
She told me that they have shared cam sex too. I mean I know obviously they would if the woman doesn't have a problem to do that, but for me its sooooooo killing. I am not jealous, but yeah it pains me, hurts me, kils me :'(

[smoothy]

The pain is something you have to deal with... everyone does.

Wish there was an easier way... but in 50 years of walking this earth. If there was one, I haven't found it.

Look at it this way... do you think it would have been easier if you were married for years and had kids before you found out?

Nope, it would have been even worse.

[talaniman]

Your pain is made much worse by being in contact, and knowing what he is doing. Cut the contact all together and do your own thing why don't you. That's the cure for pain. Change the focus from the past hurt, to present happiness, and enjoyment. Not easy, but PRACTICE does make perfect.

Reread this whole thing and that's what's been suggested from the beginning.