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malloryjames · Dec 26, 2011, 06:20 PM

Hey can somebody please help me? I was hanging out with a bunch of cousins, and me and one guy were talking a bit - bantering in fun... and I jabbed him in the ribs gently and he jabbed me back... no problem. Then I turned to go, and he pinched my butt - on purpose. And that made me really uncomfortable, and I didn't want to get close to him... no I feel terrible and can't stop thinking about that. It also made me remember times when he would pull my sweater zipper or ties and it didn't seem to matter if he brushed my breasts or not. He makes me uncomfortable and I don't want to get near him now cause I'm scared he'll pinch my butt or hurt me. Is that bordering on abuse? I feel horrible about it now, and I'm scared to talk about it. What do I do? Please help me... I feel aweful.

JudyKayTee · Dec 26, 2011, 06:22 PM

It sounds like you started this round by jabbing him first. Keep your hands off him and stay away from him in the future.

Does it rise to a level of abuse? Depends on your age, his age and where you are.

It certainly is inappropriate BUT if he's been inappropriate in the past and you've done and said nothing he probably doesn't think it's a problem.

I read your other thread - were you pregnant?

umdlotus · Dec 27, 2011, 06:31 AM

Hello Malloryjames,

I think he sees your playful jabs as flirting -- and is therefore flirting back. Take it from me, boys take any kind of sign to mean that you "want them". They're always looking for any sign that you want to hook up, and can misconstrue these types of playful bantering.

I would say that you should limit your exposure to him, and do not touch him when you ARE around him.

If he continues, address it directly, or through your parents if you are under 18.

Abused? I would say yes in a professional environment, no in a regular setting. However, if he continues after you tell him "NO", it would indeed be abuse.

-AB

Fr_Chuck · Dec 27, 2011, 07:41 AM

And why are you letting him zip up your jacket. Yes it sounds like you were flirting with him and this to me sounds like a normal response to what you were doing with him.

He most likely does not understand why you have stopped the behavior with him.

joypulv · Dec 27, 2011, 07:52 AM

I don't see how you can feel uncomfortable about the past and still come back to playfully in the ribs. Stay away until you understand that there's a very, very thin line between playful teasing and sexual teasing. Boys are usually trying to figure out a girl's intentions, and they often do so with something like a pinch. Don't fall into the notion that you get to test their intentions and then decide to complain about them.

onlineguy · Dec 29, 2011, 02:14 AM

He may have just got it wrong... I know he will read your mind. (Forgive the sarcasm)

But If I don't know I am upsetting or offending someone then it means I don't know ! Unless they tell me.

Asertivness is what is needed here. Tell him how the situation is making you feel. Unless the guy is a **** he should respond by changing his behavior towards you. Regardless of if he fancies you or not.

(Why lose a possible friendship or perhaps other over a misunderstanding).

malloryjames · Jan 20, 2012, 11:17 PM

No not pregnant. Phew

J_9 · Jan 20, 2012, 11:37 PM

Originally Posted by malloryjames

no not preggo. phew

Huh? I didn't see any mention of pregnancy in this thread. Did I miss something?

JudyKayTee · Jan 21, 2012, 07:17 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

Huh? I didn't see any mention of pregnancy in this thread. Did I miss something?

There was a second thread about pregnancy.

malloryjames · Jan 26, 2012, 12:25 AM

Hey to all, I appreciate all your answers support etc! Just a thought, I wasn't flirting with him, he is my COUSIN! And I don't LIKE it when he touches me, does up my zipper or get super friendly, but I was too chicken to tell him no, and I didn't know it would lead him to touching me where he shouldn't. Especially as a first cousin. Anyway I'm living and learning... and yes I'm under 18 and he is over 21 if that makes a difference...

JudyKayTee · Jan 26, 2012, 07:24 AM

He's your cousin, your blood, and you can't say "no" to him? I find this to be ridiculous. This isn't a stranger you have to be concerned about. Tell him to keep his hands to himself.

malloryjames · Jan 31, 2012, 09:33 AM

@judykaytee when I said I was too chicken to tell him no,I was referring to before he actually majorly crossed my lines of touching. If he did that now I would tell him no for sure...