[bladyelll]

Moved to its own thread, and edited/T



My boyfriend hasn't bothered trying to make me come for about 4 months now. The lack of consideration has made me cry a few times recently, as I keep thinking its been 4 months. Why does he not care about pleasing me sexually?

I gave birth to our baby girl 4 months ago, I couldn't have sex' for about 4 weeks, but although I was exhausted new mum, I made sure I tended his needs and gave him oral sex 4/5 times a week. Whenever he'd ask, I'd give. Feeling confident that when I was ready he'd return the favor. However, since we started having sex again, he has not once bothered going down on me like he used to (which is the only thing that makes me come) I had not asked him, but I thought he would eventually do it of his own accord like he used to. When he uses his fingers he gives up quickly or acts agitated if I do not come 'soon' enough, his impatient behavior puts me on edge and I then cannot relax enough to be able to climax so I end up asking him to stop.

The other day we were having sex, I was on top as I am 9 times out of 10, and he asked me to finish him off with a blow job. Which I happily did, hoping he'd reciprocate after, but then when I asked him to finish me off he flatly said 'no'... I asked him why, he said he was tired. I waited a week and asked again. He said no again. I then said I was hurt that he no longer wanted to satisfy me, and asked if there was there something wrong with me etc. He said there wasn't but that it took too long and he was too tired.

I do not understand how in 4 months he could not spend 20 minutes to make me come, after I've happily devoted loads of time to tend his sexual needs whenever he's asked. I am tempted to label him an opportunist. I feel awful and used, especially as I'd had a baby I feel he finds me repulsive, but not much has even changed 'down there' I mean its not as perfect and pretty as it used to be but its still quite nice and tidy post birth!

Should I throw it in his face that guys in the past have always satisfied my sexual needs and never complained? I am so hurt by his sexual neglect.

[Cat1864]

No, you should not bring up past lovers and use them to goad or hurt your current partner. You wouldn't like it if he brought up the past, would you?

What you need to do is find a time when the baby is asleep and sit down and talk with him. Find out what is going on in his mind and what has changed for him. Some men do have problems with certain sexual acts (some with sex in general) after their partner has a baby. Look at it from his perspective. It can be even worse if the male witnessed the child coming out.

You need to communicate with him. Stop expecting him to do things because you do them. Ask him if the birth freaked him out. Find out if he is feeling tired and stressed. Explain to him that you refuse to be used to satisfy his needs if he isn't going to satisfy yours. Talk it out and work together as a couple. If you can't figure this out together, then get ready for a lot issues with parenting as partners.

Good luck.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, unless divorce, child custody and child support is in your future, don't start bringing up past lovers and start comparing.

I agree don't expect him to do things because you do them, You need to get him to talk about it.
OR at worst, just stop doing for him till he talks to you about it, if he will not.

[J_9]

Once a baby is born many men look at their women as mothers rather than lovers. It can take time for them to come around and see you as a lover again. It will happen in time, but for now he doesn't see you, or your vagina, in the same way he did before the baby was born.