[Caramel27]

Me and my fiancé have been together for 5 years altogether. He's 33 and I'm 27. We were friends with benefits for about 2 years before we actually became an exclusive couple.

When we first became a couple and started living together, he used to treat me very badly. He used to come home drunk and curse me out for no reason, and we used to physically fight. But over the past 2 years he has had a total turnaround and his attitude has gotten much better. He doesn't want to argue with me any more, and he doesn't curse me anymore.

We've been engaged for about 2 years, and I don't see us getting married anytime soon because he just makes me so angry. I've been paying all the bills and basically taking care of him this whole year because he has quit two jobs in the course of this year. I'm really tired of paying all the bills and taking care of him. He's a man and he should be the one taking care of our family, because I also have a 6-year-old daughter that I take care of by myself.

The whole time we've been together he has basically gone from job to job, sometimes being laid off which I know is not his fault. He's always asking me for money, and I don't like giving him money because I know all he's going to do is gamble with it and buy beer. I gave him $100 last week to pay one of his bills with, he gambled it away, and this made me extremely angry. He's always doing dumb things like that and, when I try to say anything to him about his dumb decisions, he tells me he doesn't want to hear it.

I just don't know if I should try to save this relationship or just walk away. I know he really loves me and my daughter very much, but I just feel so much anger toward him all the time. On the weekends he stays out drinking beer with his cousins and sometimes doesn't come home until 1 or 2 in the morning. He claims that he wants a job but he hasn't put in one application.

I haven't worn my engagement ring in months because I feel that our relationship is really in serious trouble. We hardly have sex anymore because of my anger towards him. And if we do have sex, I'm just not into it because I feel that he is selfish in the bedroom, but he has been trying to cater more to my wants and needs lately.

He is a great father to my daughter, and I have to give him credit for trying to improve on the things that I don't like. But I just feel that he is a grown man (and older man), and he should have it together by now.

I'm always fussing at him about something, and I'm just tired of feeling so angry all the time. He tells me that we switched places. He used to be the one with the bad attitude, but now he says I'm the one always being mean to him all the time. I suffer from anxiety and I feel he is a big part of my being stressed out all the time.

I just don't know what to do, and I really need advice. Please help.

[talaniman]

You seem to be having a bad year this year. I can only speculate how bad it must be when a guy doesn't have a job, and its not looking good for one. I can also imagine all the things you use to pass over are unbearable now.

I can only suggest to vent that anger out of you, and being good to yourself more, and don't be so hard on the circumstances, as hopefully they get better over time.

I think we all have some rough patches, that we have to plod through, but we TRY to stay calm and get through them best we can. Its kind of tough out here for the unemployed, and he seems to be enjoying himself, or so you think, but I suspect now that YOU are the main breadwinner, and he is not, resentments are easily building up, and you wish things would go back to the way it was.

I doubt they will anytime soon, but since the roles are reversed, set some rules that give you time and money to blow off some steam, and keep a cool attitude during hard times. Guys usually go fishing, bowling, golf, or something like that so make sure you have an outlet for yourself, that you can enjoy.

That's the secret when home is to overwhelming, and your partner doesn't seem to understand. Sometimes its more important to just survive, and worry about thriving later.

Been there myself. So lets make it official, my advice is to get ONE thing a week that you can do to enjoy yourself with, and blow some of the pent up energy out in a good clean adult way.


Good luck.

[vanheart]

Marriage vows talk about sickness & health.

But, you are already doing that. Right?

I guess my advice is to look inside. Why are you with him? What do you love?
What it takes to get over the humps.

What do you want vs what he does.

The plan.

Money stuff sucks. Ive been on both sides.
That why a lot of couples spilt. $$$$$

"I'm always fussing at him about something, and I'm just tired of feeling so angry all the time"
I would be too.

Better talk & do it on a nice listening level. Extreme honesty.