Check out some similar questions!

kachdi · Dec 13, 2011, 09:15 AM

I have been dating this really good guy for about 9 months now. Right from the beginning we were having sex almost every time we saw each other which was 2 times a week. Now, we are in a long distance relationship, but we still see each other on weekends. This issue has just starting arising and causing conflicts in our relationship. He is in his late 20's and I am in my early 20's, so I think I am at my sexual peak in my life and just want to have sex all the time, which doesn't help the situation. We were together a couple of weekends ago and I held off on having sex with him when he wanted to at that moment, because I felt it was an inappropriate moment, and I could tell that he got a little angry that I didn't want to. We ended up being angry with each other because I felt like he was in the wrong fro being angry toward me when I didn't want to do it at that moment, and I almost left, but I said sorry and explained why I didn't want to at that time so I stayed and we spent more time together and ended up having sex later that night.

But the following weekend, we had the place to ourselves, and I got fully naked for him and initiated it, and he just wanted nothing to do with me.. (this was the first time a guy turned me down). This upset me a lot because my mind just started racing with thoughts of why he wouldn't want to. The next morning I brought it up and told him how it made me feel like he was no longer interested in me that way, he said no not at all, and that he was basically asleep at that point.

I brushed it off after that, but then I tried to initiate it again, by asking him to join me in the shower, he never did join me. The whole day we were together he would grab me and make jokes and say he will give me a whole body massage later, so I was thinking oh I guess we will have sex later then. But he never tried anything, so I tried to initiate it once again by kissing his neck, but he would just say I'm watching the show babe... So I straight out said why have you not wanted it at all this weekend? I just don't understand because last weekend you wanted to and you got upset with me when I didn't want to.

He said he has been really stressed about his job, and an upcoming interview and money. So my question is... is this normal for a guy? What steps should I take next to see if he is losing interest in the relationship. After that whole situation, he wasn't answering my texts the following day, even though he had his phone on him, but then he did call me later that night. But I found that odd that he couldn't take two minutes to tell me how his day was going when I asked.

talaniman · Dec 13, 2011, 01:10 PM

Could it be time to pay attention to other areas of the relationship? I think so. Its not at all unusual for the lust to fade after a few months, especially when one partner or the other has other things on his mind that distracts/ruins the libido.

Yes even young guys have there times of a low sex drive, and stress and other pressures can interfere and stop the urges of the body.

These are times to be aware and pay attention to other things besides whether you have sex or not because a LACK of sex may be just a symptom of another problem that needs addressing, and resolving.

kachdi · Dec 13, 2011, 02:56 PM

Do you have any suggestions on what I should do, or what signs to look for? And what type of other problem? Thanks!

talaniman · Dec 13, 2011, 03:02 PM

Pay attention and don't be distracted by your own frustration. Find out what's happening, especially his money problems. Talk, listen, and ask questions. Honest communications can build trust, and support, and the lack of it will end this quick, sex, or no sex.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 13, 2011, 03:08 PM

Perhaps the thrill with you is gone and he has found it with someone else.
How long distant is the relationship?

kachdi · Dec 13, 2011, 04:40 PM

I don't know how it could be though, I surprise him in lengerie, I suggest new things to try, etc. But I guess that can always be a possibility, he does work a lot though so I don't know when he would find the time to see someone else. Were only 2 hours from each other and we do see each other every weekend.

Thanks Talaniman, I will try to communicate with him in regards to what is going on that is causing him to stress so much and support him. I hope that whatever it is, it ends soon:)

talaniman · Dec 13, 2011, 05:58 PM

Make love to the mind, and the body will follow, and if you can't communicate, then what's the point? You don't have a healthy relationship without honest communications.

TrueFaith · Dec 14, 2011, 11:25 AM

It's nor all about sex kiddie it's a great part but just because he don't do it.. It's not the end of the world!

The thing you need to do is be with him as a supportive girlfriend if he does no want sex he don want it for whatever reason.
I know from personal experience that job stress an be a big sex killer

But that should no put a strain on your relationship
Stop making it more complex than it is

It's a good sign you talk about how things make you feel
Try and enjoy your time together without sex watch a movie or some other activities

If you turn him down or I he turns you down it should not be a huge deal.
And I know he was the one that got all pissy he was in the wrong then

Try not to think about it And talk to him more

One thing to remember don't let this attack yourself esteem!