[Eccentric elizabethh]

Over last summer there was a period when my boyfriend didn't want to have sex with me at all. I cried a lot and told him I knew something was wrong but he told me no I was being silly nothing was wrong. Then after summer was over we had a huge fight over it and he keeps telling me that he can't remember why he didn't want to. He swore he didn't and promised on our relationship. How can you not remember something like that? And now we have this like relationship where we'll have sex but its nothing like it used to be. It used to be crazy, wild and out of control sex and we couldn't keep our hands off each other. Now its like we'll lay on the bed watching a movie and he'll lay next to me and not even touch me or even cuddle with me. Why? What have I done wrong in this relationship? Is there something I can do to make him want me and to turn him on like he used to?

[Fr_Chuck]

TV in a bed room is one

Perhaps he is loving you, and not as interested in the physcial as much?
But trying to get each of you to talk about it.

But often as relationships grow, the wild sex turns more into a settled life style. This is more a national process, where he is getting into the relationship and moving past the mere sexual animal part of an early relationship.

[kp2171]

scour the threads here and you'll find lots of potential reasons...

everything from depression to stress to physical inability due to ED or high blood pressure or loss of attraction or guilt from cheating or poor self esteem, etc ad nauseum.

at this point, with all the potential reasons, we could only guess... and that's all it is... a random guess at this point.

so since I cannot tell you why (only he could, and it seems he won't or doesn't recall) all I can tell you is that sexual compatibility can be an important issue. Its not everything that a relationship should be based on (for most people) but it isn't wrong to be concerned when you and your partner aren't on the same page.

as a person in a great marriage I can tell you its not always easy. Add kids. Stress. Tiredness. There are a lot of things that can distract you. Even simply becoming comfortable and complacent. If you drift too far apart, it can really hurt the relationship.

so... how open are you and how open is he toward talking about sex. Not just this episode... but in general. Are you getting what you like when you do have sex (youve already said no). What about him? Does he ever talk about what he might like?

the more open you are, and the more you can each get past hangups, the better chance you have of pleasing each other.

if you really aren't lovers, both physically and especially mentally, then you are really just roommates. Most relationships progress toward a "calmer" sex life probably... but you are having bigger issues than that it seems.